Big feelings about my childhood (again)

04-01-2011, 02:43 AM

This status has been making the rounds recently (as they do

) :
"When I was a kid I didn't have Nintendo DS, XBox, or Wii . I had roller skates a bike and a skiping rope. If I didn't eat what my mum made, I didn't eat. And I dealt with it. I didn't think of telling my parents "no" or dare to talk back and I got in BIG TROUBLE if I did. Life wasn't hard, it was life.. And I survived. Repost if you appreciate the way you were raised xxx"

Ick. I'm having really big feelings and don't know if I can find a gracious way to say that surviving isn't enough. This status is being applauded by all the "my folks hit me and I turned out OK" mamas I know. And I'm hormonal enough right now to delete the lot of them.

When I was a kid, I didn't have computers or TV. If I didn't eat, I was welcome to find myself something else. I had a lot of love and affection. But I didn't dare say "no" to my parents, because I lived in fear - and the last time I said "no" to my Dad, he knocked me out. Good people can cross the line into abuse. I love my parents, and I appreciate that they did the best they could with what they knew. But my childhood was, in parts, horrific. I want more for my kids than being survivors.

JessicaNichole · 04-01-2011, 02:49 AM

i hate that stuff on FB too. yuck... I think most people dont think anything about the terminology in those things though. Like that the word "survive" isn't really how i want to describe my childhood or my childrens childhood. I want my kids to flourish!

i hope you feel better soon. I hate how things like this can trigger such big feelings

Peridot · 04-01-2011, 06:23 AM

I want more than survival for my kids too.

rjy9343 · 04-01-2011, 06:31 AM

They stir up really big feelings in me, too. And I want more for my daughter than merely surviving. I'm sorry it triggered those feelings in you.

WildFlower · 04-01-2011, 06:40 AM

I tend to stay away from facebook lately. I either see things that make me feel bad or just want to post back and don't know what to reply. My cousin just posted about her 11 day old baby sleeping over 6 hours 3 nights in a row (I think they do Ezzo) and another acquaintance posted about how it was so hard hearing her son cry , he was fed, diapered and in bed and they were trying to break the habit of rocking to sleep

... I just never know what to say and since I disagree it's easier just to not go there... and come here instead !!

gpsings · 04-01-2011, 08:22 AM

Well, I know I'm not the standard, since even in the 80's what my parents did was considered abuse...but I know that my mom attended lots and lots of bible studies where she whined and cried about what horrible children we were and how we wouldn't listen to her....
The answers she got were always to spank us every.time.we.didn't.do.as.we.were.told.
The outcome? Welts on the backs of my legs so bad I couldn't sit in my chair in school.
I really don't remember much of why....and sure. I survived, but I'm still in therapy.

rjy9343 · 04-01-2011, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gpsings

Well, I know I'm not the standard, since even in the 80's what my parents did was considered abuse...but I know that my mom attended lots and lots of bible studies where she whined and cried about what horrible children we were and how we wouldn't listen to her....
The answers she got were always to spank us every.time.we.didn't.do.as.we.were.told.
The outcome? Welts on the backs of my legs so bad I couldn't sit in my chair in school.
I really don't remember much of why....and sure. I survived, but I'm still in therapy.

04-01-2011, 03:52 PM

Last time I checked there were people that survived concentration camp too. Survival doesn't equal a job well done IMO.

ETA; I saw that post today too from one of my friends...had the same feeling.

Stiina · 04-01-2011, 04:45 PM

I would probably not be very gracious, and I'd say something along those ^ lines.

bolt. · 04-02-2011, 09:50 AM

"I appreciate that I was raised, and that I was loved... I survived, but I still think that there would have been a better way to do it. I focus on those "better ways" when I make decisions about my own kids."

04-03-2011, 02:27 PM

I feel the same way about this status (I've been seeing it, too) as I do about a lot of stuff my mom tells me. "Well, you never sat in a carseat, and you survived!" "Well, I only nursed you three months, and you lived!" Just because somebody did something back then and their kids lived to tell the tale, doesn't mean that is the BEST approach that could possibly be taken.

Mama2MeadowRose · 04-03-2011, 02:45 PM

I used to like those FB sayings and stuff. Yeah, in many ways the 'old days' were simpler, but that doesn't mean it was all good. Should good behavior come at the risk of breaking someone's spirit? This is what punitive parenting does. My parents used (and still sometime) use shaming tactics and lately my mom was upset about the way I was doing something and said "If you weren't married I'd take a broom to you!". Some parents just can't let go of that way of thinking even when their own children are now adults.

I know my parents did their best to raise me in a Christian home and I wasn't abused or anything, but I wish that punitive parenting wasn't and wouldn't be so popular!

Peridot · 04-04-2011, 10:04 AM

My mom just posted this as her status.

I am less than impressed.

04-04-2011, 10:06 AM

Ouch.

Peridot · 04-04-2011, 10:11 AM

meh.

you know last year I would HAVE HAD to respond. I started to today, and then I thought, "I don't have to take the bait. She can fly CrazyAir by herself".

04-01-2011, 02:43 AM	#1
arwen_tiw Guest Posts: n/a	Big feelings about my childhood (again) This status has been making the rounds recently (as they do ) : "When I was a kid I didn't have Nintendo DS, XBox, or Wii . I had roller skates a bike and a skiping rope. If I didn't eat what my mum made, I didn't eat. And I dealt with it. I didn't think of telling my parents "no" or dare to talk back and I got in BIG TROUBLE if I did. Life wasn't hard, it was life.. And I survived. Repost if you appreciate the way you were raised xxx" Ick. I'm having really big feelings and don't know if I can find a gracious way to say that surviving isn't enough. This status is being applauded by all the "my folks hit me and I turned out OK" mamas I know. And I'm hormonal enough right now to delete the lot of them. When I was a kid, I didn't have computers or TV. If I didn't eat, I was welcome to find myself something else. I had a lot of love and affection. But I didn't dare say "no" to my parents, because I lived in fear - and the last time I said "no" to my Dad, he knocked me out. Good people can cross the line into abuse. I love my parents, and I appreciate that they did the best they could with what they knew. But my childhood was, in parts, horrific. I want more for my kids than being survivors.

04-01-2011, 02:49 AM	#2
JessicaNichole Rose Trellis Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: wandering, but not lost Posts: 1,610	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) i hate that stuff on FB too. yuck... I think most people dont think anything about the terminology in those things though. Like that the word "survive" isn't really how i want to describe my childhood or my childrens childhood. I want my kids to flourish! i hope you feel better soon. I hate how things like this can trigger such big feelings __________________ wife to my high school sweetheart Mommy of 5 ( dd12, ds10, dd8, ds5, ds3 ) and expecting a new babe late summer 2015

04-01-2011, 06:23 AM	#3
Peridot Rose Garden I stand before you, DeFrocked!! Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: The Qontinuum Posts: 11,537	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) I want more than survival for my kids too. __________________ This is me- and them- ds 'Maximus'- 7.5 yrs, and ds 'Minimus'- 5 yrs. "A normal, imperfect, LUMPEN human being!!" Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. and yet, one day Love himself barged into the Temple with a bullwhip and declared enough was enough. I will testify to Love.

04-01-2011, 06:31 AM	#4
rjy9343 Rose Garden Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 10,090	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) They stir up really big feelings in me, too. And I want more for my daughter than merely surviving. I'm sorry it triggered those feelings in you. __________________ Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook

04-01-2011, 06:40 AM	#5
WildFlower Banned Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: indiana Posts: 4,410	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) I tend to stay away from facebook lately. I either see things that make me feel bad or just want to post back and don't know what to reply. My cousin just posted about her 11 day old baby sleeping over 6 hours 3 nights in a row (I think they do Ezzo) and another acquaintance posted about how it was so hard hearing her son cry , he was fed, diapered and in bed and they were trying to break the habit of rocking to sleep ... I just never know what to say and since I disagree it's easier just to not go there... and come here instead !!

04-01-2011, 08:22 AM	#6
gpsings Rose Garden ORANGE you glad I made a new avatar? :D Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 4,084	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) Well, I know I'm not the standard, since even in the 80's what my parents did was considered abuse...but I know that my mom attended lots and lots of bible studies where she whined and cried about what horrible children we were and how we wouldn't listen to her.... The answers she got were always to spank us every.time.we.didn't.do.as.we.were.told. The outcome? Welts on the backs of my legs so bad I couldn't sit in my chair in school. I really don't remember much of why....and sure. I survived, but I'm still in therapy. __________________ Gretchen ENTP Wife of Kevin Blessed AP, Homeschooling mama to: Aneliese age 13, Breena age 10, and Caden age 7

04-01-2011, 03:52 PM	#8
Tee Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) Last time I checked there were people that survived concentration camp too. Survival doesn't equal a job well done IMO. ETA; I saw that post today too from one of my friends...had the same feeling.

04-01-2011, 04:45 PM	#9
Stiina Rose Garden Not Sharing Exuberantly Anymore Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 9,507	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) I would probably not be very gracious, and I'd say something along those ^ lines.

04-02-2011, 09:50 AM	#10
bolt. Rose Trellis Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada Posts: 2,963	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) "I appreciate that I was raised, and that I was loved... I survived, but I still think that there would have been a better way to do it. I focus on those "better ways" when I make decisions about my own kids." __________________ Everything written here is the musing and mumblings of an ordinary person. Even if I take myself too seriously, there's no reason for any of you to make the same mistake! Pam, 35 yo Christian for 20 y Married for 15 y Mother to "J" 8 yo, and "M" 5 yo INTJ, DYT 4, Canadian 1 more class until I'm done at Seminary Adjunct Faculty at a Bible College

04-03-2011, 02:27 PM	#11
Sanveann Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) I feel the same way about this status (I've been seeing it, too) as I do about a lot of stuff my mom tells me. "Well, you never sat in a carseat, and you survived!" "Well, I only nursed you three months, and you lived!" Just because somebody did something back then and their kids lived to tell the tale, doesn't mean that is the BEST approach that could possibly be taken.

04-03-2011, 02:45 PM	#12
Mama2MeadowRose Rose Garden Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 3,851	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) I used to like those FB sayings and stuff. Yeah, in many ways the 'old days' were simpler, but that doesn't mean it was all good. Should good behavior come at the risk of breaking someone's spirit? This is what punitive parenting does. My parents used (and still sometime) use shaming tactics and lately my mom was upset about the way I was doing something and said "If you weren't married I'd take a broom to you!". Some parents just can't let go of that way of thinking even when their own children are now adults. I know my parents did their best to raise me in a Christian home and I wasn't abused or anything, but I wish that punitive parenting wasn't and wouldn't be so popular! __________________ *~ I Corinthians 4:20 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power ~* Last edited by Mama2MeadowRose; 04-03-2011 at 02:47 PM.

04-04-2011, 10:04 AM	#13
Peridot Rose Garden I stand before you, DeFrocked!! Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: The Qontinuum Posts: 11,537	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) My mom just posted this as her status. I am less than impressed. __________________ This is me- and them- ds 'Maximus'- 7.5 yrs, and ds 'Minimus'- 5 yrs. "A normal, imperfect, LUMPEN human being!!" Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. and yet, one day Love himself barged into the Temple with a bullwhip and declared enough was enough. I will testify to Love.

04-04-2011, 10:06 AM	#14
arwen_tiw Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) Ouch.

04-04-2011, 10:11 AM	#15
Peridot Rose Garden I stand before you, DeFrocked!! Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: The Qontinuum Posts: 11,537	Re: Big feelings about my childhood (again) meh. you know last year I would HAVE HAD to respond. I started to today, and then I thought, "I don't have to take the bait. She can fly CrazyAir by herself". __________________ This is me- and them- ds 'Maximus'- 7.5 yrs, and ds 'Minimus'- 5 yrs. "A normal, imperfect, LUMPEN human being!!" Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. and yet, one day Love himself barged into the Temple with a bullwhip and declared enough was enough. I will testify to Love.

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