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Old 05-13-2014, 10:03 AM   #61
WanderingJuniper
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

What was your goal with removing cartoons?

Not sure what to say about the potty talk. It's my experience that boys just find potty talk funny and correction and redirection is continual on this until they eventually learn when it is mildly appropriate and when it is entirely inappropriate.
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Old 05-13-2014, 12:30 PM   #62
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

The goal for the cartoons.... truthfully, I was on the phone with the Asst Principle, and she had it on speaker....I asked him what God made our teeth for, then I said you will probably lose cartoons, which the Asst Principle was happy to hear, and said, since I was handling it at home, she won't handle it there.... I guess it was to appease the school...

---------- Post added at 02:30 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:23 PM ----------

Well, I am getting ready to pick my boys up from school.... I will check-in for your insight, when I get home, before I deal with the situation.... and I will pray for wisdom.
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Old 05-13-2014, 05:21 PM   #63
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

Discovered a website for character building with kids, with crafts. It's a long term approach for the problem.
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Old 05-13-2014, 05:26 PM   #64
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

Thanks for clarifying. I asked because I have removed certain shows from our home because of how they effected my children's behavior. I wasn't sure if that was where you were going or if it was something else.

Please hear me gently but removing cartoons for the sake of pleasing someone else is arbitrary and not working toward the goal of stopping a behavior and teaching acceptable social behavior.
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Old 05-13-2014, 06:12 PM   #65
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

Thanks... I did it, to take care of the issue at school, but didn't think about it in the teaching sense until you asked me the goal, then it made me think... And face the hard truth. I guess I am still learning things about myself.

---------- Post added at 07:53 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:50 PM ----------

My 6yr old wanted to write a note and say sorry to the kid he bit...

---------- Post added at 08:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:53 PM ----------

I don't know why but I have tears building up.... Please pray for me.
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Old 05-13-2014, 10:11 PM   #66
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

The note is a perfect idea! Exactly how the situation should be dealt with! (A wise and sensitive kid. Obviously you're doing something right ) I'd tell him he could watch cartoons again. He might even understand the truth, if you shared that you felt put on the spot by the assistant principal and later decided it wasn't the appropriate way to handle it.

I also think the school overreacted with the potty talk but your hands are pretty much tied on that one.
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Old 05-13-2014, 11:21 PM   #67
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

I agree with Deena. The note is perfect... Sometimes little kids do random impulsive things - like biting. But if you can figure out what caused it, you can help him learn some strategies for dealing with conflict At my daughter's school they teach that kid's can work out their own small problems by choosing from the choices on the conflict management wheel:
1. Go to another game
2. Talk it out
3. Share and Take turns
4. Ignore it
5. Walk Away
6. Tell Them to Stop
7. Apologize
8. Make a Deal
9. Wait and Calm Down

If they try two of those and they still can't work it out, it's time to go get a trusted adult It works well at home too
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Old 05-17-2014, 01:17 AM   #68
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

Ooh I like that! I'm going to set up a conflict management wheel

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Old 05-17-2014, 06:10 AM   #69
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

Does a conflict management wheel work for 2 and 4 yr olds.
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Old 05-17-2014, 09:28 AM   #70
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

At 2 and 4 I wouldn't expect them to do it on their own, but you can start teaching them . i think giving that many options to a 2 year old would go right over their heads, but you might try giving two choices and helping the four yo think it through "how do you think we could solve this problem?" my 4yo can think of solutions to problems, but we have been teaching it since she was tiny because she has an older sister to constantly work things out with
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Old 05-18-2014, 03:37 AM   #71
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

Thank you. The two choices would work great for my girls. And my 4 yr olds (just turned 4) are still really struggling to problem solve. If I ask how do you think we can make this better... The response is I don't know. But having the wheel would give me something to read off and let them choose to try. They actually know problem solving from having to constantly work it out together but they just don't use it as first step (hitting or yelling is first step these days) and they don't realize what they are doing is called problem solving. Lol.

Anyways, thank you.
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Old 05-18-2014, 07:37 AM   #72
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

I ask myself when setting external consequences, "Is it related? Is it relevant? Is it reasonable? What will this teach him about said thing?"

I also look for other contributing factors. 6 years old are probably getting molars, so is he in pain? Also, if this was an unusual incident, I would want to know what precipitated it. For instance, if someone was trying to touch him inappropriately, I could be ok with biting. I would talk about other ways to handle it, but I wouldn't be upset with the biting in that situation. If it was because someone took something, I would be more upset and see he needs more frustration tools.
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Old 05-18-2014, 10:01 AM   #73
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Default Re: New at Gentle Christian parenting, could use pointers

Woke up with a bad headache.... Making my nerves on edge.....been trying hard to keep calm with my boys... The 5yr old is my test, and loves to test...I did have 'backslide moment' and yelled at him... Feeling terrible, picked him up and said sorry that I yelled at him, mommy shouldn't have yelled, gave X's and O's... Still feeling bad, I think it's like I let myself down, because I have been doing sooo good since I discovered you awesome ladies. Please keep us in your prayers. Thank you ladies.
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