explosive 5.5yo

[erh384]

I don't have any idea what to do when she gets like this- SCREAMING, flailing, stomping, etc. ~20 m old gets upset and there isn't anywhere to safely leave him for more than a couple minutes. She went through a 'bout' of this about 6m ago lasted for 4-6wks about once a wk but has been 'okay' (read: 5) since. looking for ANY helpful contributions (gd tools, things for me to consider, allergies/intolerances, drs/chiro)...
pls excuse any oddities...

My dd has been doing this too, and I don't know how GB this, but when she pulls this type of thing we mention that she must be tired and maybe she needs to go to bed a little earlier since she's having a fit. She hates the idea of going to bed early, so now it's gotten to the point that I just ask her if she's having a fit at the first signs of the tantrum. It works rather well but I do feel bad that she might not be able to express her feelings this way. But I don't know what else to do either since reflecting her feelings back seems to make her more angry. I'd love to hear what others say.

[erh384]

I really can't pinpoint what sets her off... but I've definately told her "I think you may be feeling tired and overwhelmed, its time to take a rest" which normally is okay, but in the moments leading up to an explosion a statement like that is lighting a match in a room dusted with gunpowder

yeah, i haven't figured out how to talk her down to well from what looks like an inevitable "tantrum". I totally know what you mean about the match and gunpowder.

[Petie]

You know, I found that around 5 yrs. old children seem to go through a rough patch. They want to be grown up and do big kid things, but they still want lovies and cuddles. It's a confusing and scary time. The good news is, mine grew out of it on their own. I just did the same things as always and remained consistent. I also tend to give more choices around that age. All of a sudden, I don't need to pick out every outfit for them, they can choose what to wear. They can choose the kool-aid flavor. They can choose the veggies for dinner. You know, giving as much control over as possible, yet not too much so that it overwhelms them. Adding in some chores at that age was nice too. They can sort through the socks, clean off the table, if you have a canister vacuum, they can vacuum, they can swiffer the floors. This gives them another layer of "big boy/girl" choices and activities, all the while still getting loves and cuddles from mommy.

[ThePottersDaughter]

Originally Posted by erh384

looking for ANY helpful contributions (gd tools, things for me to consider, allergies/intolerances, drs/chiro)...
pls excuse any oddities...

So have you considered any dietary sensitivities? Just curious where you're at with this. I sometimes describe my 5.5 year old as "explosive"but for him this looks more like forgetting to be respectful when something makes him angry, and screaming "no!" or "I won't!" to me or DH. Normally, the lapse in logic/self control only spirals into a full blown tantrum when he has eaten something he's allergic to in the last day or so.
In general, 5.5 seems to be entering into a time of VERY big feelings, maybe some hormonal changes? DS needs a lot more reminders than he used to during the day about how to express his big feeling in a respectful and courteous way.

[erh384]

SHe is allergic to milk & peanuts- we avoid them both completely. I've considered an elimination diet to check out how wheat and possibly corn/soy impact her, but we haven't yet.

My daughter is sometimes what you'd call explosive, but what I am talking about is COMPLETELY out of control and almost unable to regain any semblence of order herself. (dh thinks its an 'act' I don't)

She definately is trying to be "big" and has chores and responsibilities. As well as things we allow (teach) her to do on her own- recently transplating and potting up our veggie/flower seedlings. We allow her to make as many choices as possible- clothes (from whatever is in her closet/drawers), activities (from a limited number of choices) and meals (ie: a or b for lunch). She is frequently overwhelmed and doesn't WANT to choose from the choices stated... I don't mind talking through other choices with her, but she often just snaps about hating the choices offered.

[tnaallen]

My 5 1/2 year old is very explosive. For us, is use to be gluten. She does ok on it now, but we avoid it if the explosions are happening alot. Sugar or food dye can do this to her too. Two other things recently that I've noticed is making sure she has plenty of protien. She eats often and it's healthy foods (fruits and veggies all day), which makes me overlook the fact that she needs more protien. The other thing is, she's teething. I know that sounds weird, but with both dd's (even my 8yr old) I noticed they both get really cranky/explosive for a while, then realize they are getting new molars. And they do get 6yr molars. It finally dawned on me when my dd5 told me the other day tha her mouth hurt at the back. I looked, and sure enough...budding teeth.

As for when the explosions are already in the midst....pray. Pray for your own calmnes. Joking...sort of. Im the one who gets worked up during them. but really, I find that when I stay really calm and even keel and interact as little as possible, they are shorter. I've also not responded to what she's saying, but rather to the underlying (when I can tell what it may be). LIke, "Are you feeling overwhelmed or frustrated?" This just happend over a little blanket not fitting over a big table. She was throwing THE biggest fit with screaming and everything. After I reflected her feelings to her, she just melted in my arms. She wanted no suggestions though. She just wanted this to work, and once she gave it one more try, she accepted it and moved on. lol