Help for a friend with a 2 year old VERY attached to daddy

Carmen · 11-27-2007, 06:13 PM

I have a friend on my other mommy board with a 2 1/2 year old daughter. She does gentle discipline, although she is a bit more permissive than most of the moms here. She is a pagan ap mama, 2 1/2 year old, 17 month old, and a baby on the way. The 2 1/2 year old has developed a very very strong attachment to daddy lately and it is causing some stress. When he is home, she only wants him and nothing to do with her. She will scream if he is not holding her, only he can cook food, she will not eat unless she is sitting on his lap, if he leaves the house she absolutely melts down, running between the doors screaming for him. On the days he works she gets up at 4am and the mom usually ends up having to confine her just so that he can get himself ready. Apparently once he has been gone for a few minutes, she is fine, and doesn't ask for him while he is at work, but she is so extreme about it that their time together as a family has become stressful. I've been able to help her with some other issues lately, specifically with setting boundaries, sending her some information about goyb parenting, but I am at a loss on this. My only thought was that whatever they do, he is going to have to have a big part in it. I just know that she is getting really frustrated and questioning herself. Does anyone have any ideas that I can pass along to her?

illinoismommy · 11-28-2007, 05:19 PM

I'm trying to remember if something like this was in Your Two Year Old. This is how I remember it.... no sooner than did I go to brush David's teeth then he wanted daddy!!!! But if daddy went to brush his teeth suddenly he wanted mommy to do it.

Could it be like that?

ArmsOfLove · 11-28-2007, 05:55 PM

It's actually very very normal--perfectly age appropriate. I'd encourage them to come up with a ritual for coming and going and just embrace that while daddy is there he's the one who is needed. This shifts back and forth for awhile and each parent gets a break for a season before either/or will do.

AttachedMamma · 11-29-2007, 11:59 AM

I'm sorry I can't offer any practical ideas. My guess is that the more they fight it, the more the baby will want daddy. I say let it run its course and the mamma should let her baby see that it's ok with her. I'd treat it very matter-of-factly.

cindi

Carmen · 11-29-2007, 06:45 PM

Thanks, I'll relay the advice. Hopefully she gets past this stage soon, it has been going on for quite a while now and it is making things really stressful.

11-27-2007, 06:13 PM	#1
Carmen Rose Trellis Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,589	Help for a friend with a 2 year old VERY attached to daddy I have a friend on my other mommy board with a 2 1/2 year old daughter. She does gentle discipline, although she is a bit more permissive than most of the moms here. She is a pagan ap mama, 2 1/2 year old, 17 month old, and a baby on the way. The 2 1/2 year old has developed a very very strong attachment to daddy lately and it is causing some stress. When he is home, she only wants him and nothing to do with her. She will scream if he is not holding her, only he can cook food, she will not eat unless she is sitting on his lap, if he leaves the house she absolutely melts down, running between the doors screaming for him. On the days he works she gets up at 4am and the mom usually ends up having to confine her just so that he can get himself ready. Apparently once he has been gone for a few minutes, she is fine, and doesn't ask for him while he is at work, but she is so extreme about it that their time together as a family has become stressful. I've been able to help her with some other issues lately, specifically with setting boundaries, sending her some information about goyb parenting, but I am at a loss on this. My only thought was that whatever they do, he is going to have to have a big part in it. I just know that she is getting really frustrated and questioning herself. Does anyone have any ideas that I can pass along to her? __________________ Carmen, wife to my favorite sound man DD1 Sweet Potato 4/05 DD2 Tot 2/07 DD3 Frankie 2/09 3/12 DS 1/19/13

11-28-2007, 05:19 PM	#2
illinoismommy Rose Garden Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 25,657	Re: Help for a friend with a 2 year old VERY attached to daddy I'm trying to remember if something like this was in Your Two Year Old. This is how I remember it.... no sooner than did I go to brush David's teeth then he wanted daddy!!!! But if daddy went to brush his teeth suddenly he wanted mommy to do it. Could it be like that? __________________ Mommy to: Ds (9.5), Dd (7), Ds2 (6), and Ds3 (4.5).

11-28-2007, 05:55 PM	#3
ArmsOfLove Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 79,607	Re: Help for a friend with a 2 year old VERY attached to daddy It's actually very very normal--perfectly age appropriate. I'd encourage them to come up with a ritual for coming and going and just embrace that while daddy is there he's the one who is needed. This shifts back and forth for awhile and each parent gets a break for a season before either/or will do. __________________ Crystal "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou

11-29-2007, 11:59 AM	#4
AttachedMamma Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,292	Re: Help for a friend with a 2 year old VERY attached to daddy I'm sorry I can't offer any practical ideas. My guess is that the more they fight it, the more the baby will want daddy. I say let it run its course and the mamma should let her baby see that it's ok with her. I'd treat it very matter-of-factly. cindi

11-29-2007, 06:45 PM	#5
Carmen Rose Trellis Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,589	Re: Help for a friend with a 2 year old VERY attached to daddy Thanks, I'll relay the advice. Hopefully she gets past this stage soon, it has been going on for quite a while now and it is making things really stressful. __________________ Carmen, wife to my favorite sound man DD1 Sweet Potato 4/05 DD2 Tot 2/07 DD3 Frankie 2/09 3/12 DS 1/19/13

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