Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences

[milkmommy]

yea I understand.. This sounded weird when I first read it I think a post from Crytal (AOL) who said shes hopes fr the best but prepares for the worst.. I know if I get up thinking its silly to scream over a diaper change shes SHOULD coperate I get angry easy but if I go in knowing I need to be prepared for some big feelings then I tend to stay much calmer. Not sure if that makes sense?

Deanna

[Dandelion]

That definitely makes sense-my better days are usually the ones that I expect to be awful. Like today for instance appeared to have several challenges, but since I
"prepared" for them both mentally and by scheduling my time better, I was able to get through them more easily. Ahhhhh, what a relief it is to have a better day! I feel like hope is in sight, for the moment anyway!

[milkmommy]

I just have to be careful not to swing too much on that side and start thinking. We are GOING to have issues andI amd GOING to make it stop KWIM?
Deanna

[canadiyank]

Here's a couple of things that discuss the terms we use here, logical/natural consequences continuum, and Jane Nelsen's article on Solutions. Those are some things that were helpful for me to "get" the differences between punishment, natural, and logical consequences. (And GBD doesn't simply replace punishment with consequences, there'a a bunch more tools, too, as I'm sure you picked up...those were just helpful to me as I was trying to fathom the idea of not punishing. ).

For the tantrums, what sorts of things calm her down right now? It's pretty tough to teach *during* a tantrum but there are things to do during that "crisis moment"...check here for practical steps. (Check out the rest of the thread and the book Dealing With Disappointment when you have a chance). Further in that thread is a list of Self-calming tools that are vital (it has how to introduce/teach them, too, later in the thread). Everyone needs a way to calm themselves down, and the author says a good rule-of-thumb is one tool per year of age (up to age 12). So many times we focus on somehow forcing them to stop screaming that we don't give them ways in order to do that; we simply yell at them to stop yelling, or somehow strongarm them into stopping, or we freak out ourselves (ask me how I know ). I think teaching our kids to self-calm and be aware of their feelings is giving them a lifelong gift...I have learned so much from that book about how to calm *myself* down.

HTH!

[illinoismommy]

Originally Posted by canadiyank

Here's a couple of things that discuss the terms we use here, logical/natural consequences continuum, and Jane Nelsen's article on Solutions. Those are some things that were helpful for me to "get" the differences between punishment, natural, and logical consequences. (And GBD doesn't simply replace punishment with consequences, there'a a bunch more tools, too, as I'm sure you picked up...those were just helpful to me as I was trying to fathom the idea of not punishing. ).

For the tantrums, what sorts of things calm her down right now? It's pretty tough to teach *during* a tantrum but there are things to do during that "crisis moment"...check here for practical steps. (Check out the rest of the thread and the book Dealing With Disappointment when you have a chance). Further in that thread is a list of Self-calming tools that are vital (it has how to introduce/teach them, too, later in the thread). Everyone needs a way to calm themselves down, and the author says a good rule-of-thumb is one tool per year of age (up to age 12). So many times we focus on somehow forcing them to stop screaming that we don't give them ways in order to do that; we simply yell at them to stop yelling, or somehow strongarm them into stopping, or we freak out ourselves (ask me how I know ). I think teaching our kids to self-calm and be aware of their feelings is giving them a lifelong gift...I have learned so much from that book about how to calm *myself* down.

HTH!

ooooooh linkies....

this is a good thread too

[mamahammer]