Can you switch a Babywise baby into a cue-fed baby at one year old?? On second shift?

[gracechelle]

I followed Babywise pretty religiously with my daughter. She's a year old now and I'm trying to switch into cue-feeding. I'm running into some issues.

1. She's never been a ravenous eater and now with the extra breastmilk, I feel like we're taking a step backward with solid food. She will hardly eat any solids except for a little finger food.

2. We're on second-shift so try to get her to bed later and up earlier (bed -8:30 pm, wake 9:00pm). With Babywise I started doing a "dreamfeed" --waking her around 11:00pm to give her enough to last until 8:30am. She's begun waking earlier and so I'm not sure if I should put her to bed around the same time at night?? Should I give up my dream of the family all living on the same schedule? Have any of you dealt with this?

3. I've done CIO and don't believe in it anymore. I'm trying to BF her before naps but I think she's so on the old schedule that she won't fall asleep for her naps now --she wants to stay awake!

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated!!

[dukeofhazzard]

Big and welcome!!

Number 1 isn't a big deal in my mind, breastmilk still has the perfect nutrient content for her, so as long as her decrease in solids is matched with an increase in breastmilk, she's fine. My little guy wasn't interested in solids in any significant way until he was about 18 months.

Number 2, I'm not completely clear - are you wanting her to sleep later? My family isn't all on the same schedule - I just do whatever works .

Number 3, is she exactly 1 year old? Could she be trying to move to one nap per day?

[gracechelle]

Dukes of hazzard --I'm sorry! I meant I try to get her to bed later and to get her to sleep later. Seems like that could be a pipe dream

[OnAMission]

I'm no sleep expert, but from what I understand, go-to-sleep times and wake-up times are only loosely correlated. I know from my kids, even if we have a late night for some reason, they still wake up at pretty much the same time. One other thing I've observed is that sleep begets sleep. To a certain extent, my kids will sleep longer stretches (and sometimes later in the morning) if they go to bed *earlier* instead of keeping them up later.

[CelticJourney]

For a little while, you might need to just follow her pattern and see what works and not try to shift sleeping schedules. Since you are with her at nap time, can I assume that you are saying your dh works second shift? My dh is in law enforcement and we simply 'did our thing' and saw dh when we could because everyone was much happier than if I had tried to tweek sleeping rythems

[gracechelle]

Originally Posted by CelticJourney

For a little while, you might need to just follow her pattern and see what works and not try to shift sleeping schedules. Since you are with her at nap time, can I assume that you are saying your dh works second shift? My dh is in law enforcement and we simply 'did our thing' and saw dh when we could because everyone was much happier than if I had tried to tweek sleeping rythems

Yes --my husband works second-shift. Before we had our baby he had been on third-shift and I worked part-time so I could wake when he woke (1:00pm) and go to bed near the time he was (5:00am) --it was wonderful! I was hoping something could work like that with our baby girl, but try as I might, it's not working. So --thanks for your thoughts about your situation with your husband. It's not as hard when I know others are experiencing lack of husband time, too!!

---------- Post added at 10:07 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:59 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Loralee

Just a few things.

She will cry at some point and that doesn't mean you're a bad mom. It means that she's crying. I've AP/GBD since birth and mine still cry. As they transition from being a baby to being a toddler, the focus isn't on not letting them cry so much as it is on meeting their needs. It's a hard transition to make mentally--at least it was for me with our first!

Second, both of mine were ready to go to one nap by a year old, which meant bed time got moved up a whole lot. They just kept doing morning naps later and later and then going to bed sooner.

So right now, Dancing is dropping her last nap. So on days she doesn't nap, she's in bed by 6:30 ish. When she naps, it's about 7:30. She does 11-12 hours at night (not straight! She nurses a few time each night ).

When they aren't falling asleep nursing for naps, that's my cue that they're ready to drop a nap. Try it, if you can, for a few days. She may pleasantly surprise you!

And last, to you. It's a big giant leap to go from BW to GBD. Give yourself lots of grace as you're working through this. Your wee one thanks you for doing it, though.

Thanks for the "dropping" nap tips! I've been nursing her before naps today and although she didn't fall asleep --I could tell she was tired. Yesterday I could tell she could have skipped the second nap, but today it was needed --I'm trying to be flexible as she makes the transition. (I'm a control freak naturally, so "flexibility" is one of the main things God is trying to teach me through my dear angel

Also --it was encouraging to hear "give yourself grace" --and that my baby girl will thank me for it. I've thought of that several times during these past few days!

[gracechelle]

Originally Posted by dukeofhazzard

Big and welcome!!

Number 1 isn't a big deal in my mind, breastmilk still has the perfect nutrient content for her, so as long as her decrease in solids is matched with an increase in breastmilk, she's fine. My little guy wasn't interested in solids in any significant way until he was about 18 months.

Number 2, I'm not completely clear - are you wanting her to sleep later? My family isn't all on the same schedule - I just do whatever works .

Number 3, is she exactly 1 year old? Could she be trying to move to one nap per day?

Thanks for the welcome!!
I was glad to hear your son didn't eat much "solid" food till later --he made out okay And yes --she just turned a year old last Saturday! Maybe moving to one nap?? She still starts turning pretty somber in the morning before a nap (goes down fine for that one). I really encourage her to take the afternoon nap because she gets tired a lot earlier at night if she doesn't take it. Maybe that means I should be putting her down earlier?? I'll definitely keep your thought about naps in mind.

---------- Post added at 10:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:40 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Kiara.I

Well, I've never tried making that switch, I always cue-fed.

But it should be possible. For starters, every time she cries, offer nursing. And offer nursing both before and after meals of solids. Basically every time you think of it, offer it. If she doesn't want to, that's fine. But the more you offer it the more different it will be from the previous schedule, and eventually she'll probably take it when she wants it.

Breastmilk has far more nutrients than most table foods. Don't worry about how much solids she's eating, she'll take what she needs. And finger foods are fine, just give her those. Purees actually aren't necessary at all for most children, even at 6 months. So really, offer her parts of your meal when you eat, let her feed herself what she wants, and she'll be fine.

You may have to give up having the whole family on the same schedule. Some children will happily sleep later, others will not. You probably need to, as much as possible, respect her needs in this area. If she's going to be an early riser, you're going to need to have her in bed earlier too, you know?

Just offer before naptimes. You can't force a baby to nurse, and really, trying to force them is no more respectful of their needs than trying to refuse them. Just offer the nursing lots and lots of times a day, and don't worry about it if she's not interested. Many children are pretty distractable around 12 months anyway, and might not nurse to sleep even if you *had* been nursing them to sleep before. Just offer the nursing, and then put her down for the naps however is working for you (except if that's letting her cry, of course.) You may find you need to find an alternate way to get her to sleep. Those could include lying down with her, nursing her to sleep, singing her lullabies, patting her, walking up and down a dark hallway with her, wrapping her in a blanket and holding her until she falls asleep....

Coming from BW, I'm always scared I'm messing with my baby's metabolism when I feed "off-schedule", so thanks for the encouragement to just feed whenever I think about it. Wow!! I tried that this afternoon and did it ever feel freeing!

"Respectful" --great word choice. It helps me to remember that when I'm feeling like "I'm the parent" and feel like I need to control the situation. She's a person, albeit a little one!! It's kind of scary to think of never letting her cry --it makes me feel trapped --but I DO agree with not CIO!! Praying for God's wisdom for each nap

Thanks for the ideas on how to get her down for a nap!

[luvinmama]

I was convinced BW was the way to parent too, but thankfully, before DD was even a day old, I knew it wouldn't work for us.

It's hard coming out of that mindset though. We're glad you're here! This is a great community to be a part of to be supported and encouraged during your parenting journey.

Sorry, don't have any advice with the sleeping/eating stuff--but what you've already received is excellent!

[Llee]

Just a few things.

She will cry at some point and that doesn't mean you're a bad mom. It means that she's crying. I've AP/GBD since birth and mine still cry. As they transition from being a baby to being a toddler, the focus isn't on not letting them cry so much as it is on meeting their needs. It's a hard transition to make mentally--at least it was for me with our first!

Second, both of mine were ready to go to one nap by a year old, which meant bed time got moved up a whole lot. They just kept doing morning naps later and later and then going to bed sooner.

So right now, Dancing is dropping her last nap. So on days she doesn't nap, she's in bed by 6:30 ish. When she naps, it's about 7:30. She does 11-12 hours at night (not straight! She nurses a few time each night ).

When they aren't falling asleep nursing for naps, that's my cue that they're ready to drop a nap. Try it, if you can, for a few days. She may pleasantly surprise you!

And last, to you. It's a big giant leap to go from BW to GBD. Give yourself lots of grace as you're working through this. Your wee one thanks you for doing it, though.

[Kiara.I]

Originally Posted by gracechelle

Coming from BW, I'm always scared I'm messing with my baby's metabolism when I feed "off-schedule",

Oooooookay. Huh. I guess that's another one of Ezzo's particular...um...nuggets. Even adults are told that eating small frequent meals is better for their metabolism than eating 3 big meals. So you can probably relax on the metabolism front.

Originally Posted by gracechelle

It's kind of scary to think of never letting her cry --it makes me feel trapped --but I DO agree with not CIO!! Praying for God's wisdom for each nap

Like Loralee said, being an attached responsive parent does NOT mean she will never cry. It does mean you don't leave her to cry uncomforted in order to accomplish a goal (like having her fall asleep on her own.) I guarantee, she will cry. She will probably cry when you tell her she can't have her bread and peanut butter in her bed. Or whatever it is. Happy is NOT the only acceptable emotion for a child to have. They can be sad or angry, and it is not up to you as the parent to "fix" their emotions. You can offer comfort, but you don't have to make her happy. Does that make sense?

I'm not sure which part of it is triggering the trapped feeling for you. Can you pinpoint which bit it is?

[saturnfire16]

On the solid foods thing- with a one year old, I'm just barely getting into offering them a few times a day. If we are out and about and busy or if I frankly just don't feel like dealing with the mess, I don't even give them solids. Of course, that means nursing many times a day, but I really prefer that to cleaning food out of hair three times a day, and they get more calories and nutrition that way anyway. It's a slow transition, but by 18 months or so, they are eating way more solids.

Are you feeling trapped because you feel like you'll be held hostage by her emotions? It would be really good to start identifying why you feel that way and working through it, now. She's becoming a toddler who is going to have a lot of BIG feelings about a lot of things very soon. That's ok. You just need to be bigger than her big feelings. You can learn to reflect her feelings and be compassionate to her without getting wrapped up in her angst.

[klpmommy]

I want to come back when I have 2 free hands. I used BW with my oldest for almost a year so ITU.

Here's my story
http://www.ezzo.info/top-resources/v...thout-babywise

I've since had 4 more kids, all variously levels of AP and I will never go back to being a slave to an arbitrary schedule.

[gracechelle]

Originally Posted by Kiara.I

Oooooookay. Huh. I guess that's another one of Ezzo's particular...um...nuggets. Even adults are told that eating small frequent meals is better for their metabolism than eating 3 big meals. So you can probably relax on the metabolism front.



Like Loralee said, being an attached responsive parent does NOT mean she will never cry. It does mean you don't leave her to cry uncomforted in order to accomplish a goal (like having her fall asleep on her own.) I guarantee, she will cry. She will probably cry when you tell her she can't have her bread and peanut butter in her bed. Or whatever it is. Happy is NOT the only acceptable emotion for a child to have. They can be sad or angry, and it is not up to you as the parent to "fix" their emotions. You can offer comfort, but you don't have to make her happy. Does that make sense?

I'm not sure which part of it is triggering the trapped feeling for you. Can you pinpoint which bit it is?

Haha --yes, a "nugget" Kind of funny since I haven't sat down to meals for a few years --I eat whenever I get hungry throughout the day. I've felt SO much better since doing that! I should've tried this a lot sooner.


I'm okay if she cries and isn't happy (although that's something I had to learn a few years ago in my own life!). However, I get nervous when she cries when I try to put her to bed. Particularly if I've fed, changed, done everything I can think of (including a peaceful routine)!! I feel trapped if I can't let her CIO. I hated doing CIO, but I did see it work to a certain extent (how long with it take to train that out of her?? I don't know!). I could leave her and hear her eventually fall asleep. With not letting her cry uncomforted (what I believe is right now), I get scared that I won't be able to figure out how to comfort her to sleep. Maybe it's because we left her alone to fall asleep in her little crib ever since she was a month old or so (yes, I know --I feel horrible about that ), but I can't seem to comfort her to sleep unless she's just SO tired that she exhausts herself crying on me. (Then when I put her down she wakes up!!) I feel trapped when I feel like I won't be able to figure out what to do. That I have to figure this out before we have another child because what happens when TWO of them need you to put them to sleep and there's only ONE of YOU?! Yes, probably unnecessary pressure to put on myself, but it's there nonetheless

---------- Post added at 10:29 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:22 PM ----------

Originally Posted by saturnfire16

On the solid foods thing- with a one year old, I'm just barely getting into offering them a few times a day. If we are out and about and busy or if I frankly just don't feel like dealing with the mess, I don't even give them solids. Of course, that means nursing many times a day, but I really prefer that to cleaning food out of hair three times a day, and they get more calories and nutrition that way anyway. It's a slow transition, but by 18 months or so, they are eating way more solids.

Are you feeling trapped because you feel like you'll be held hostage by her emotions? It would be really good to start identifying why you feel that way and working through it, now. She's becoming a toddler who is going to have a lot of BIG feelings about a lot of things very soon. That's ok. You just need to be bigger than her big feelings. You can learn to reflect her feelings and be compassionate to her without getting wrapped up in her angst.

Saturnfire --when you say "many times a day" --what do you estimate that to be? I'm nursing my daughter about 7-8 times right now (used to be 5 times but I'm trying to add more in as much as I can). I totally know what you mean about not feeling like dealing with the mess!!

Thanks for giving a good label to what I feel "trapped" by. And being bigger than her feelings --since I am the adult--that makes sense.

[Llee]

Well, when we dropped to one nap, then she was so tired that she didn't have time to cry at night because she was OUT.

I don't know how you're doing it, but I just lay down and nurse baby while I read or go on the computer. When she falls asleep, I ease away. When she's in deep sleep, I can move her to her sister's bed (so we have our bed ) or just leave her there.

And some nights, I'm not able to meet the want because she's been nursing f.o.r.e.v.e.r. and Dancing (20 months old now) gets passed off to daddy and she cries in his arms and then snuggles up to him and falls asleep.

[GraemesMomma]

I'm not saturnfire but I nurse Baby (13m) anywhere from 8-10 times/day (rough estimate) and 3-4-5ish times at night.

No doubt she is having to unlearn some things You two are on a wonderful and challenging journey, relearning how to give and receive comfort. Its ok, my friend

Toddlers will do more comfort nursing, as well, which is not a full nursing session...literally a pop-in C will bonk her head, cry, come to me, tug at my shirt, nurse for two seconds and pop back up, happy as ever It's truly lovely, this breastfeeding bond Worth it to backtrack as you are doing

When my two under-2s needed me, I was there for both I lay down with them simultaneously (G in his little toddler bed while C was nursing with me in our bed) Same thing with 3 who all need parenting to get to bed...I either lay down with all three in our respective cots or put Baby in the sling and walk between the boys' beds. Don't add worrying about the future needs of future kiddos to your current worries. As a Mother, You are in a constant learning process, and what you glean from parenting Babe 1 will serve you well to parent Babe 2, etc.... All of us freak out, a bit, when imagining adding another child, I think