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Old 06-06-2019, 10:06 AM   #1
kiloyd
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Default Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

Today is the last day of 8th grade. I had told dd she couldn't have social media until high school. Well, she does have TicToc(Musically), that does count.

I hate Snapchat. She doesn't really want FB, seems like the teens don't like FB as much.

Anything new with Instagram I should know?

We've talked about not friending/PMing people she doesn't know IRL.
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Old 06-06-2019, 10:30 AM   #2
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

Yea, teens don't do fb. It's an old peeps thing.

My older teens (now 16 and 18) have instagram. I also started an account when they opened theirs so that I could become more familiar with the app and also follow them.

It's diferent than facebook in the fact that people don't necessarily have to use their real names. so when you look at her friends list you will likely have to ask her who the people are. Also almost every teen creates a "regular account" and a spam account. Many teens have multiple accounts. they'll tend to post their safe stuff on the regular account and have spam accounts for multiple other reasons. Sometimes it's benign and just fun. My dd and her cousin have a spam account together that they just post silly pictures for example. sometimes kids will use that spam account to post more racy things on those.

You can also get more ads and see things that you didn't necessarily follow than you do on facebook.

Insta does seem to be one of the main ways teens communicate. That and snapchat which I totally agree with your discomfort with snapchat at her age.

I'd say this is a good first step. Make sure you have her password and she knows that you can login to monitor should you need to. make sure your boundaries for her in its use are clear.
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Old 06-06-2019, 10:42 AM   #3
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

We let our girls have Instagram accounts, but they don't have the app on their phones. They have to borrow our phones to check Instagram. We wanted to be able to monitor the amount of time they spend on it because it's so addictive. I really hate how social media affects teens (I should actually say how it affects people, because isn't that so true??) so wanted to limit it's influence. Personally, I think it was one of the best parenting decisions I've made.
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Old 06-06-2019, 10:48 AM   #4
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Default Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

https://www.connectsafely. org/instagram/ has a really thorough guide to Instagram. CommonSense Media has a good guide too.

Do you have Instagram?

My thoughts, in case you haven’t thought of these but maybe you have :
1) Be aware that kids, even really good kids, have fake accounts. They let their parents and teachers follow their “Rinsta,” or “Real Instagram,” accounts. Then they also have “Finsta,” or “Fake instagrams.” That’s where only their best friends follow them and they can be themselves and talk trash and post nasty things. Mostly girls have Finstas.

2) Warn her not to follow hashtags.

3) Don’t let her turn on location sharing.

4) Be aware that, like Snapchat, Instagram has disappearing messages

5) Be aware that someone doesn’t have to follow her in order to send her a direct message (DM).

6) Be aware that there are channels on IGTV that she can view whether she follows the person who makes the channel or not...

7) Make it so people can’t reshare her posts or tag her in photos and videos

That’s all I can think of right now. Instagram can be great for connecting. It can also be a place of bullying, drama, and awful behavior that go unchecked because it happens via DM or finstas




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Last edited by Virginia; 06-06-2019 at 10:51 AM.
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Old 06-06-2019, 12:21 PM   #5
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virginia View Post
https://www.connectsafely. org/instagram/ has a really thorough guide to Instagram. CommonSense Media has a good guide too.

Do you have Instagram?

My thoughts, in case you haven’t thought of these but maybe you have :
1) Be aware that kids, even really good kids, have fake accounts. They let their parents and teachers follow their “Rinsta,” or “Real Instagram,” accounts. Then they also have “Finsta,” or “Fake instagrams.” That’s where only their best friends follow them and they can be themselves and talk trash and post nasty things. Mostly girls have Finstas.

2) Warn her not to follow hashtags.

3) Don’t let her turn on location sharing.

4) Be aware that, like Snapchat, Instagram has disappearing messages

5) Be aware that someone doesn’t have to follow her in order to send her a direct message (DM).

6) Be aware that there are channels on IGTV that she can view whether she follows the person who makes the channel or not...

7) Make it so people can’t reshare her posts or tag her in photos and videos

That’s all I can think of right now. Instagram can be great for connecting. It can also be a place of bullying, drama, and awful behavior that go unchecked because it happens via DM or finstas




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No, I don't have an Instagram account, I don't have a smartphone. Don't want one. But I do have a tablet.

Good to know about hashtags.

I did already tell her I want the location tracker off.
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Old 06-06-2019, 05:09 PM   #6
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

Quote:
Originally Posted by kiloyd View Post
No, I don't have an Instagram account, I don't have a smartphone. Don't want one. But I do have a tablet.



Good to know about hashtags.



I did already tell her I want the location tracker off.


I wonder if it might be helpful for you to create an Instagram account so you can follow her and so you understand better how it works


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Old 06-06-2019, 06:24 PM   #7
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

I would create an account so you can see how it works. I didn't look at the connect safely link so this might've been covered, but occasionally you'll get a DM or a follow from a camgirl type of account. They comment on public posts all the time too. Their stuff isn't gonna show up in your feed but it's a reminder not to follow hashtags like Virginia said, and not to wander too much. It's easily filtered out, better than Twitter, so it's more of a nuisance than anything, but they're also easy to find.
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Old 06-06-2019, 07:35 PM   #8
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

Do get your own account. Not only so you can see what she posts, but so you can have fun with her in this new way. My dd loves to teach me about new features, send me funny things, and be the first to like my posts.

Let her know from the start that you’ll have her password and that you might log in to her account and read dms from time to time. Like others have said, it can be a fun way to connect with people, but there are dangers and friends can be mean. I rarely check on my dd, but my friend has her own account and her dd’s open on her phone and reads everything every day. Determine how you want to handle it when you set it up. It’s very hard to get more control but easy to loosen it up as she proves herself trustworthy. Also think about time limits since it can really suck you in. Talk about not comparing yourself to the perfect little snaps people show, and be prepared to deal with sadness over seeing pics of friends doing things without her, that kind of thing. It will be good to walk through the world of social media with her.
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Old 06-06-2019, 07:53 PM   #9
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

I don’t think I saw this mentioned—- There is a “best friends” option or some sort of inner circle option where you can share more intimate stuff w people labeled closest confidants.
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Old 06-07-2019, 04:08 AM   #10
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

Quote:
Originally Posted by kiloyd View Post
No, I don't have an Instagram account, I don't have a smartphone. Don't want one. But I do have a tablet.

Good to know about hashtags.

I did already tell her I want the location tracker off.
i don't have a smart phone either. I put instagram on my tablet. definitely definitely get it if you're going to allow her to. And I agree that it's a fun way to interact with your kids. My teens send me messages and cute memes.
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Old 06-07-2019, 06:45 AM   #11
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

My dd was just telling me that if you get a dm (direct message) from a stranger, you can (should) "decline" without even opening.
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Old 06-07-2019, 06:55 AM   #12
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Singingmom View Post
My dd was just telling me that if you get a dm (direct message) from a stranger, you can (should) "decline" without even opening.


You can. It shows up as a message request, iirc.
But I think you still see the content of the message or at least part of it...?


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Old 06-07-2019, 04:24 PM   #13
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

I quite enjoy Instagram. I don't have a teen yet, but my youngest SIL uses it a TON. I think 99% of her friend contact is through Instagram. I like being able to share snapshots and attach a quick thought to them and I love seeing other people's photos.

It has the same risks as any social media, really. Anyone can message an account (I mostly get people trying to sell me crap). You can choose between private and public. Private requires you to approve followers for them to view anything but your profile picture. Public profiles can have inappropriate content, but if you stick with people/organizations that you know, it's usually pretty safe. I don't typically encounter anything bad because I just have my feed of people I actually know and a few companies and don't stray into trending or hashtags.
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Old 06-07-2019, 08:51 PM   #14
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Singingmom View Post
My dd was just telling me that if you get a dm (direct message) from a stranger, you can (should) "decline" without even opening.
Good to know. And thank you, I was trying to figure out the d in dm.
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Old 06-08-2019, 06:11 AM   #15
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Default Re: Instagram? Made dd1 wait this long, might let her get it

I let my daughter have Instagram in 9th grade because my adult friend said this would be her way to communicate and share pictures with her theater friends. And that's true.

However, I do hate how much time she spends on it, and I REALLY hate the part where she sees her friends doing things without her. That has caused so much sadness to her to the point that I absolutely hate IG!!!

I told her she has to back way off of it during the summer. I told her she could have 10 minutes a day to check/send messages. But, that's also extremely difficult because she then can't be as social, which is a struggle for her. (She has some social anxiety.) It's just so super frustrating!!!!

I would love to just delete the whole thing, but she's right when she tells me that is her main communication with her friends. That's where the teens are, and she can't really find them on FB. She doesn't have a lot of phone numbers for texting because IG is easier!
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