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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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View Poll Results: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You? | |||
Pearl's / Woodshed's | 20 | 16.39% | |
Dobson's | 51 | 41.80% | |
Fugate's | 4 | 3.28% | |
Ezzo's | 27 | 22.13% | |
Other | 20 | 16.39% | |
Voters: 122. You may not vote on this poll |
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09-19-2014, 05:22 PM | #46 | ||
Owner/Founder of GCM
Administrator Run with endurance the race that is set before you. . . Heb. 12:1
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 30,571
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
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~ Jeri Vegan mom to my vegan kiddos DD1 (24), DS1 (21), DD2 (18), and DS2 (15) And wife to my gentle DH for 26 years and counting Instagram: gentleveganrunner gentlechristianmothers |
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09-19-2014, 06:49 PM | #47 |
Rose Trellis
Deuteronomy 11:19
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,052
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
Can't vote on my phone but my main influence was my parents and local pastors/leaders who were strongly influenced by Dobson with some Tripp and Pearl mixed in the background.
It was actually reading debi's book for wives that turned me away and helped influence me to find other ways to parent. ---------- Post added at 09:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:57 PM ---------- False biblical teachings were also a huge influence. I was taught all the 'spanking' verses. I believed them to the point I believed my parents favored my brother because they quit spanking me when I was 7 but spanked my brother till around 11. Because of that verse 'he who spares the rod hates his son'. I believed I wasn't well loved and I wasn't worth the hassle. Grounding was easy for them send me to my room and forget me. Spanking meant effort, meant they actually had to engage and work and want better from the child. I didn't want my child to think that of me. I wanted my kids to know I loved them. And love meant spanking according to the bible as I knew it then.
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"Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171 "If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172 W&C 8/4/06; G 15yo , M 11yo , S 8/29/13 , V 8yo , Baby 2yo |
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09-19-2014, 09:23 PM | #48 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 7,740
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
I was influenced by Dobson in the sense that my parents followed his teachings and I wanted to do things as differently as possible from them.
I can still remember the day my dad recommended I read Dobson. I had never heard of him. Then I saw all the torment and abuse and fear I had suffered all laid out in a book. I was so ANGRY! How dare this random person write a book and destroy my life! It was all in there, the accusations of enjoying conflict, defiance for not implicitly agreeing with my parents, the idea that everything I did to act out was done in direct rebellion. The spanking rituals. I learned later that it wasn't all the book. My father's family had a long history of abuse. Dobson's ideas simply justified it as "Biblical."
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Michelle
Bearer of the Sceptre of Sympathetic Strength Wife to the car guy for 21 years Mom to my kids T - Fifteen A - Thirteen Z - Ten |
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09-21-2014, 09:44 AM | #49 | ||
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,065
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
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Also Martin Luther had a harsh mother...and he did praise her for that. How sad how this whipping culture has been passed by by generations. It really is not something new. ---------- Post added at 05:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:27 PM ---------- Quote:
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09-21-2014, 09:54 AM | #50 |
Rose Garden
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Sunniest place on Earth and hotter than Phoenix! Might as well be sitting on the sun...
Posts: 35,302
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
I'd never heard of any of these people until I came here. I was raised in a somewhat punitive home my parents spanked if they felt it needed but never in the name of anything biblical. I can't say every experience of my childhood felt fair or non threatening but I don't look back on my childhood with fear or regret either.
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Deanna wife to Shawn since 2001 mom to a young adult Cecilia , tween Margaret and three I will hold one day in heaven. |
09-21-2014, 01:53 PM | #51 |
Banned
"When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!" - Unknown
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New York City, NY
Posts: 1,868
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
I never implemented any punitive parenting methods, but the Pearls messed with my head something awful when I made the mistake of reading their book (seriously, who gives TTUAC to a pregnant 16 year old at her baby shower?! ). I wanted very much to do right by my son, and those people were always in the back of my mind making me question every decision I made.
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09-22-2014, 06:24 AM | #52 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,065
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
Yes, that kind of books can cast a dark shadow over your head. Punitive parenting methods are damaging to the child, but the pressure to use them (from church, family or other people) can be very damaging for the mother also. It is, for instance, not easy for a woman to keep loving a husband who insists her to spaank or to feed by scedule and let the baby cry. Or to keep respecting a pastor who teaches such things and keeps books of Pear and Ezzo in the church book store.
Let's hope your friends who gave you that nasty book just made a mistake and judged the book by its cover. The title looks so nice and innocent. Perhaps the giver was not aware of the toxic contents of it. Perhaps (s)he would be sorry to know that it has caused you so much trouble of mind. |
09-22-2014, 09:56 AM | #53 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 10,090
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
I had a mish mash of Dobson and Rosemond with a sprinkling of Ezzo. Thankfully God stopped me before Ivy was old enough to hurt or hit. Oddly enough the main reason I never did cotton to cio was because Rosemond said that for the first year life does revolve around the baby, but on the first birthday you start teaching otherwise. Or at least that was how I read his statement, he may have meant something completely different.
By the time Ivy was four months I was full steam ahead ap. I still have those voices in my head and at times struggle to be gentle with her. Those books play on all of your worst fears and are insidious.
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10-02-2014, 01:26 PM | #54 |
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
I started out attachment parenting and was really enjoying it and seeing lots of this. Then I moved and our church has been our only community, I found a lot of social pressures to spank. Usually I am not influenced by social pressure, just my personality I guess, but our women's bible study was reading Sheparding a Child's Heart, by Ted Tripp. I found myself feeling like maybe I wasn't being a godly parent, maybe I was failing to understand what God expected of me. I struggled through the book and found myself spanking, and crying and doubting everything.
Thankfully my husband was fully supportive in stopping the spanking and is on board with us returning to our own blend of attachment/godly parenting. Although, even still, I struggle to find patience for my now 3.5 year old boy, because spanking made me expect "first time obedience". It is getting better, but I am saddened by the time I wasted and the potential wall I put up between my son and I. |
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10-02-2014, 06:02 PM | #55 | |
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"When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!" - Unknown
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New York City, NY
Posts: 1,868
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
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10-02-2014, 06:09 PM | #56 |
Rose Garden
sisters!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Sunniest place on Earth and hotter than Phoenix! Might as well be sitting on the sun...
Posts: 35,302
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
AP kinda accidently fell into my lap...
The first "parenting" book I ever read was Dr Sears baby something (I forget the actual title) I basically asked DH to get me something to read because I was stuck in the hospital a few days longer than expected after Cecilia was born due to her Jaundice. So DH got me a Sears book from the hospital gift shop. (I have no clue what else they had) I thought the Sears store put it out but thought the book was pretty okay and often remembered things it said or suggested as I delt with motherhood for the first time.It wasn't until some time latter I realized whom I'd actually read.
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Deanna wife to Shawn since 2001 mom to a young adult Cecilia , tween Margaret and three I will hold one day in heaven. |
10-04-2014, 05:14 PM | #57 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 2,685
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
My influence was an odd mix of the Pearls, Ezzo, and Dobson. Got Babywise shoved down my throat when DD was a baby.
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Melissa Veteran, 1994-2006. MST Survivor, Nov 1996. Child of God since 07/1982. Wife to Bryan, my best friend and retired soldier, since 06/2014. Mom to DD (02/1998), DS1 (08/2006), and DS2 (01/2009). Two w/Jesus (05/2001) and (12/2004). Stepmom to DSD (06/2007) and DSS (04/2009). |
10-05-2014, 06:32 AM | #58 |
Rose Garden
Living a nomadic life and rethinking everything
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Home is where we park the bus :)
Posts: 4,698
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
Dobson was my mums hero. When I got pregnant with DD#1 I was given Ezzo and Pearl! So glad that I stumbled upon GBD when I was pregnant with DD#3.
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AKA FlyinKiwi (e?FP)
Raising 6 DD and 1 DS here and waiting to meet 7 more on the other side including two sets of twins, and Serenity who was with us for 13 short hours An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth Then whispered as she closed the book "Too beautiful for Earth" Our facebook pages: Wheel Education Wheel Education Woodcraft Superdogs Trick Show Our Personal Blog Serenity's Story |
10-05-2014, 04:00 PM | #59 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,922
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
I grew up with parents flying by the seat of their pants. No real theories or guidance. Timeouts, a few spankings, lots of lectures By the time I was almost in middle school my dad started listening a lot to Focus on the Family. That was the kind of mindset in the churches we attended, but it was never a focus of sermons and there was no "spank the love of Christ into your children" stuff that I noticed.
My friend had her first before I did and I read Ezzo on her recommendation when visiting her. She also had something from Pearl that she presented as comical but possibly applicable later. It all made so much sense When I got pregnant I fell in with a hippie dippy crowd and found a better way. My SIL sent me Babywise which I read sometimes early on and felt was just so wrong, but it made me doubt myself a lot too. I stopped reading it. More kellymom, more GCM, more Sears, etc. I found my way much more confidently well before DD was 1 and DH has been on board the whole time. |
10-05-2014, 08:37 PM | #60 | ||
Rose Blossom
Faith, Torah, Family
Join Date: May 2014
Location: NJ, USA
Posts: 171
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Re: Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?
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---------- Post added at 08:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:35 PM ---------- Quote:
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Me: 27, DH: 44 Noemi- 5yr Liora- 3yr Zipporah- 20 months BABY BOY- due oct2016 |
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