How do I begin(becoming a better parent)?

[MamaSam]

I know this my be a dumb question and I've searched past threads,but I'm overwhelmed.

I know getting back in the Bible will help. Any suggestions on what to read?
I know there are tons of resources,but where to begin? I'm easily stressed/annoyed/overwhelmed..especially by my 6 year old. I bought the books Laying down the rails(a charlotte mason resource) hoping to get ideas on character training and habit training for us all,but I find it boring.

I'm trying not to sound whiny,I just don't know where to begin and how to stick with things.

[Aerynne]

What is your worst problem right now? Are you currently spanking? What do you do when you are overwhelmed/annoyed with your 6yo? Maybe we can help you come up with something else to do when you get annoyed?

[MamaSam]

No,we do not spank anymore. The last time I spanked him was probably when I was pregnant 2 years ago. He has very rarely been spanked. My biggest problem is probably yelling and not paying attention to him. He seems to want attention for EVERYTHING so I just tend to "uh huh" without paying attention. He gets bored a lot as well.

I'd like some fun as well as useful resources for all of us.

[WanderingJuniper]

Not whiny. In the thick of it.

I pulled this part from your OP because it stood out to me.

Originally Posted by MamaSam

. . . I'm easily stressed/annoyed/overwhelmed..especially by my 6 year old. . . .

When I find I am easily stressed/annoyed/overwhelmed it is usually about me and not my children. It is my cue to look at my self-care, my commitments and expectations. Getting back to where I want to be as me allows me to handle normal age appropriate (which does not equal acceptable) behaviors better.

And 6 year olds are HARD. Its been my experience that 3 years, 6 years, 9 years and 12 years are the worst I've experienced yet. That's not true for everyone of my kids but it has been true for 2 out of 3 of them. They are years of transition toddler to preschooler, preschooler to little kid, little kid to big kid, big kid to teen, all big transitions with lots of change.

If there are specific things you want help with ask. Sometimes its hard to know what a momma needs for the big picture without working on the details stroke by stroke.

[MamaSam]

Originally Posted by WanderingJuniper

Not whiny. In the thick of it.

I pulled this part from your OP because it stood out to me.


When I find I am easily stressed/annoyed/overwhelmed it is usually about me and not my children. It is my cue to look at my self-care, my commitments and expectations. Getting back to where I want to be as me allows me to handle normal age appropriate (which does not equal acceptable) behaviors better.

And 6 year olds are HARD. Its been my experience that 3 years, 6 years, 9 years and 12 years are the worst I've experienced yet. That's not true for everyone of my kids but it has been true for 2 out of 3 of them. They are years of transition toddler to preschooler, preschooler to little kid, little kid to big kid, big kid to teen, all big transitions with lots of change.

If there are specific things you want help with ask. Sometimes its hard to know what a momma needs for the big picture without working on the details stroke by stroke.

I do know that it's me,but I'm not sure how to change it. I am working on getting my OCD back under control after going haywire when pregnant with ds2. I'm pretty on edge a lot but I feel like I'm improving. I feel like sometimes I need time alone,but then I'd feel guilty if I went somewhere by myself

I want to be a loving,supportive,involved mom.

[Singingmom]

Originally Posted by MamaSam

My biggest problem is probably yelling and not paying attention to him. He seems to want attention for EVERYTHING so I just tend to "uh huh" without paying attention. He gets bored a lot as well.

What about some time carved out each day when you give him a big chunk of attention, doing something with him that he enjoys. Perhaps at the same point in the day so he knows when to expect it. Then another chunk reading to him, snuggling on the couch. And at breakfast and lunch, listening to him face to face instead of GCMing or cleaning up or whatever it is that might pull you away. Maybe you already do those things. IME, those purposeful times of connecting help a child to be less demanding for other parts of the day when you need to be busy.

[Aerynne]

What are you doing when you are most annoyed with him? Is it mostly when you're trying to clean, trying to cook, trying to think, being on facebook? If you can pinpoint that you might be able to give him a bunch of attention, then do the thing that you're most annoyed when he interrupts you with and say "I'm going to go fold a load of laundry for 20 minutes. While I'm doing that you can ___ or you can ____ or maybe you have another idea. During that time I need you to leave me alone. What would you like to do while I fold the laundry? I will set this timer for 20 minutes and you need to leave me alone for that whole time." (you can start with less time if you think he can't do 20 minutes).

[Beth1231]

A great place for me to read is the age stickies. "So Um SIX" is a sticky in the Young Thinkers Forum.
Lots of moms expressing a lot of the same things and then ideas and help pop up all through the thread. Age stickies and the books by Ames and Ilg help me a lot. "Your One Year Old,Your Two Year Old" and so on. It helps a lot to hear my child saying or doing something annoying and then immediately realize "hey,I read about this. This is normal and age expected. Hmm,what are some of the tips they gave for this age again?"

[kindundmama]

Are you sleeping well and enough? I didn't even realize that lack of good sleep was my biggest trigger in getting stressed which led to yelling and spanking. I posted here and found out that I needed to have consistently good sleeping habits.
As for paying attention, I do two things: a) I impose a ban on all electronics (except TV) when my kids are with me. I don't play with them all that time but when I get on the internet, I know I am going to tune them out. So, I keep it locked.
b) I chant this in my head after hearing the same story for the umpteenth time. "In a very short time, DD will not want to share anything with me. But if I listen carefully now and assure her that I am always here for her, I may get to participate in her teen and adult years."
You expressed that you wanted to be an involved mom. I do this: I spend 10 min-1 hour with my kids without the distractions of life. We play, talk, run, whatever they want. And it really helps. I have been doing a project with them everyday. Yesterday, we went to the woods for a walk and picked up some ferns, "studied" some bugs, listened to different bird calls. Today, we made muffins. Tomorrow, I plan to make lemonade with them. It could be 30 min. of your whole day but you're with them. Soon, DH and I plan to take one kid, at a time, out on "date night." We will shower our love and attention on that child and hopefully they they will learn that they are invaluable to us.

[Proverbs3Rubies]

Originally Posted by kindundmama

Soon, DH and I plan to take one kid, at a time, out on "date night." We will shower our love and attention on that child and hopefully they they will learn that they are invaluable to us.

Lovelovelove.

[WanderingJuniper]

It's okay to work on yourself little by little. Those are the changes that last.
Starting with the OCD is good.
Taking time to be alone is okay. Mom's are allows to do that guilt free. This is especially true and important for introverted moms.
When my oldest was 5 I started scheduling time for me once a week. I got 90minutes every Wednesday to myself. Hubs kept the littles and oldest went to scouts while I went and got a cup if coffee and went for a walk or to the library to actually go into the adult room. It was so important for me to have that time.