s/o parenting self-talk - Page 11

Aisling · 03-01-2010, 02:49 PM

"It's OK to not be perfect. It's OK to not be perfect. It's really OK...."

"They won't be this age forever."

"Model what you want, Ash. And later, I will give you a nice hot bath."

Maggirayne · 03-01-2010, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gentlebirth

"Model what you want, Ash. And later, I will give you a nice hot bath."

Tasmanian Saint · 03-02-2010, 01:51 AM

I only just discovered this thread and it has been so useful! Thank you ladies!

Slightly different idea, but I sometimes remember to turn "What punishment can I use show him that this behaviour really is unacceptable" into "How can I help him to do better?"

And after I've failed yet again and I find myself caught in a useless cycle of self-berating, I remind myself, "If I were a perfect Mummy, I'd have to manufacture bad interactions so he wouldn't grow up with unrealistic expectations of his future relationships"

MomtoJGJ · 03-02-2010, 04:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tasmanian Saint

And after I've failed yet again and I find myself caught in a useless cycle of self-berating, I remind myself, "If I were a perfect Mummy, I'd have to manufacture bad interactions so he wouldn't grow up with unrealistic expectations of his future relationships"

That is great!!

unfortunately I have girls, but at least I'm teaching them that it's ok to mess up, right?

03-02-2010, 10:22 AM

"Model what you want, Ash. And later, I will give you a nice hot bath."

[/QUOTE]

Love it! Need it!

Now if I could just remember these! My friend, IRL and here, always has wonderful quotes... practical and inspirational... stuck up on her walls. She usually has them in her kitchen. They change as the need arises. I'm going to work on sticking up a few of these this weekend.

Tasmanian Saint · 03-05-2010, 02:40 PM

great idea, FairOlivia, I think I'll do something similar (after the wedding and birthday party... maybe next weekend

)

Quote:

Originally Posted by MomtoJGJ

That is great!!

unfortunately I have girls, but at least I'm teaching them that it's ok to mess up, right?

I wasn't actually meaning specifically romantic relationships, I meant friendships, sibling relationships, etc. But, yeah, teaching it's ok to mess up and how to fix it.

DancingWithElves · 03-05-2010, 03:00 PM

if i'm perfect, whatever will they talk to their spouses about??

i've got one from the past two days: "you really really want to (spank, yell, be mean) right now, and i understand, you are very angry, but think about how nice it will be to hold him tonight and recount what we did today and not feel guilty and not need to apologize over and over"

stops me every time

MomtoJGJ · 03-05-2010, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by belaruska

i've got one from the past two days: "you really really want to (spank, yell, be mean) right now, and i understand, you are very angry, but think about how nice it will be to hold him tonight and recount what we did today and not feel guilty and not need to apologize over and over"

stops me every time

I really really needed to hear that tonight!!!

Pearl In Oyster · 03-05-2010, 04:21 PM

I've gotten so much out of this thread!

I don't know if it's ok to post a link, but this article on MSN has some similar things to say:

http://healthyliving.msn.com/default...e&contentId=52

Maggirayne · 03-05-2010, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by belaruska

if i'm perfect, whatever will they talk to their spouses about??

i've got one from the past two days: "you really really want to (spank, yell, be mean) right now, and i understand, you are very angry, but think about how nice it will be to hold him tonight and recount what we did today and not feel guilty and not need to apologize over and over"

stops me every time

Lol!

Oh man, I needed that today.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Tasmanian Saint · 03-14-2010, 10:20 PM

So I've finally finished writing down all these lovely ideas in my journal...

2 questions:

Anyone else think this should be a sticky?

and

Can anyone point me to the laziness spinoff?

Thanks

jandjmommy · 03-16-2010, 06:03 AM

Thanks for this. I have a 6 yr old & 3 yr old. With kids this age would you talk yourself through out loud or just in your head? Also, has anyone gotten to a point that you gain enough control over your reactions to not need to walk away? For now walking away would be better than staying and spewing but not sure I want to model retreat as response to stress.

Maggirayne · 03-16-2010, 04:50 PM

I talk outloud, oherwise I can't hear myself.

It's better to remove yourself than do something you regret. I see it as an aspect of self-discipline.

allisonintx · 03-16-2010, 05:33 PM

I've been re-parenting myself for a long time, and still find walking away to cool off is a valuable tool.

DancingWithElves · 03-17-2010, 08:03 AM

i think retreat is a healthy response to stress, also modeled by Jesus himself, as long as it is not the *only* one you use.

i do out loud and to myself both...

sometimes i do third person... esp. for processing. yesterday instead of telling dh that he needed a nap i said this: "remember how yesterday i was really crabby when i was tired? yeah, mama didn't feel good all, mama gets so grouchy when she's tired, doesn't she? and remember mama went and took a nap while you played with papa? and then she was much nicer, right?" (he nodded enthusiastically

)

03-01-2010, 02:49 PM	#151
Aisling Deactivated Even artichokes have hearts! Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 33,230	Re: s/o parenting self-talk "It's OK to not be perfect. It's OK to not be perfect. It's really OK...." "They won't be this age forever." "Model what you want, Ash. And later, I will give you a nice hot bath." Last edited by Aisling; 07-19-2012 at 09:36 AM.

03-02-2010, 01:51 AM	#153
Tasmanian Saint Rose Trellis Go Team Lioness! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: This side of the black stump Posts: 2,428	Re: s/o parenting self-talk I only just discovered this thread and it has been so useful! Thank you ladies! Slightly different idea, but I sometimes remember to turn "What punishment can I use show him that this behaviour really is unacceptable" into "How can I help him to do better?" And after I've failed yet again and I find myself caught in a useless cycle of self-berating, I remind myself, "If I were a perfect Mummy, I'd have to manufacture bad interactions so he wouldn't grow up with unrealistic expectations of his future relationships" __________________ Our blossoms: DS "Little Bear" Apr '07 - The negotiator DD "Miss Muffett" Nov '08 "Don't tell Daddy..." DS "Mouse" Jan '12 "I Soup Baby, Man of steel! " Myth Busting over at Dare to Disciple "Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Unless your instincts are terrible." Vitruvius, The LEGO Movie.

03-02-2010, 10:22 AM	#155
fairolivia Guest Posts: n/a	Re: s/o parenting self-talk "Model what you want, Ash. And later, I will give you a nice hot bath." [/QUOTE] Love it! Need it! Now if I could just remember these! My friend, IRL and here, always has wonderful quotes... practical and inspirational... stuck up on her walls. She usually has them in her kitchen. They change as the need arises. I'm going to work on sticking up a few of these this weekend.

03-05-2010, 03:00 PM	#157
DancingWithElves Rose Garden Blissed out in the January sun Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: that perfect place :) Posts: 11,701	Re: s/o parenting self-talk if i'm perfect, whatever will they talk to their spouses about?? i've got one from the past two days: "you really really want to (spank, yell, be mean) right now, and i understand, you are very angry, but think about how nice it will be to hold him tonight and recount what we did today and not feel guilty and not need to apologize over and over" stops me every time __________________ ~I r e n e~ sweet and sassy wife, mama, healer, part-time dragon-slayer the worst PM answerer ever my belongs to the babywearing 'Architect' Dancing with my three Magical Elves Smiles the Stampede Sugar Plump & Double Dimples Kissing each elf 1,000,000 times a day, and when there's time left tracking gnomes, singing folk songs on the porch, befriending dragonflies, and bopping sun-frosted 'fros through the dandelion fields.

03-05-2010, 04:21 PM	#159
Pearl In Oyster Rose Garden growing every day Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: California Posts: 4,100	Re: s/o parenting self-talk I've gotten so much out of this thread! I don't know if it's ok to post a link, but this article on MSN has some similar things to say: http://healthyliving.msn.com/default...e&contentId=52 __________________ Maggie Celebrating resurrection life after a heart transplant on 2/21/15! Married since 8/28/04 to a big Bear Mama to sweet & spirited Charlotte , born 9/08, determined & imaginative Zachary , born 6/12, one I'll see in heaven 10/10, and easy-going Elliott , born 4/14!

03-14-2010, 10:20 PM	#161
Tasmanian Saint Rose Trellis Go Team Lioness! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: This side of the black stump Posts: 2,428	Re: s/o parenting self-talk So I've finally finished writing down all these lovely ideas in my journal... 2 questions: Anyone else think this should be a sticky? and Can anyone point me to the laziness spinoff? Thanks __________________ Our blossoms: DS "Little Bear" Apr '07 - The negotiator DD "Miss Muffett" Nov '08 "Don't tell Daddy..." DS "Mouse" Jan '12 "I Soup Baby, Man of steel! " Myth Busting over at Dare to Disciple "Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Unless your instincts are terrible." Vitruvius, The LEGO Movie.

03-16-2010, 06:03 AM	#162
jandjmommy Rose Bouquet Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 750	Re: s/o parenting self-talk Thanks for this. I have a 6 yr old & 3 yr old. With kids this age would you talk yourself through out loud or just in your head? Also, has anyone gotten to a point that you gain enough control over your reactions to not need to walk away? For now walking away would be better than staying and spewing but not sure I want to model retreat as response to stress.

03-16-2010, 04:50 PM	#163
Maggirayne Rose Garden Standing for gentleness and honesty Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Looking for Hope Posts: 12,027	Re: s/o parenting self-talk I talk outloud, oherwise I can't hear myself. It's better to remove yourself than do something you regret. I see it as an aspect of self-discipline. __________________ Maggi, Tw irler of the Umbrella of Silliness Mama to two sweet littles and 3 angels 12/4/11 10/7/13 12/8/13 Grace is not a destination, it's a journey. I first learned to show grace to my child that was not shown to me, then I learned to accept it for myself, and only recently have I been able to have grace for others more. ~Sweetpeasmommy A

03-16-2010, 05:33 PM	#164
allisonintx Rose Garden Some Cal/Mag will probably fix that. Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: catching up on the laundry Posts: 41,294	Re: s/o parenting self-talk I've been re-parenting myself for a long time, and still find walking away to cool off is a valuable tool. __________________ allisonintx Wife to Stephen Mother to Elizabeth 19, Andrew 17, Abigail 14 & Evelyn 12 Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the world. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home. . . . . . . .

03-17-2010, 08:03 AM	#165
DancingWithElves Rose Garden Blissed out in the January sun Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: that perfect place :) Posts: 11,701	Re: s/o parenting self-talk i think retreat is a healthy response to stress, also modeled by Jesus himself, as long as it is not the only one you use. i do out loud and to myself both... sometimes i do third person... esp. for processing. yesterday instead of telling dh that he needed a nap i said this: "remember how yesterday i was really crabby when i was tired? yeah, mama didn't feel good all, mama gets so grouchy when she's tired, doesn't she? and remember mama went and took a nap while you played with papa? and then she was much nicer, right?" (he nodded enthusiastically ) __________________ ~I r e n e~ sweet and sassy wife, mama, healer, part-time dragon-slayer the worst PM answerer ever my belongs to the babywearing 'Architect' Dancing with my three Magical Elves Smiles the Stampede Sugar Plump & Double Dimples Kissing each elf 1,000,000 times a day, and when there's time left tracking gnomes, singing folk songs on the porch, befriending dragonflies, and bopping sun-frosted 'fros through the dandelion fields.

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