Tying Heart Strings

03-23-2010, 07:14 AM

I have been in a couple of discussions with a friend of mine who believes there is value in Ezzo, Pearl, Tripp etc. She says take the meat throw out the bones. I say trash is trash. Anyway, in discussing some of Pearl's philosophy she told me that he really has mellowed (untrue if his answers to critics are anything to go from) and he really deals with "tying heartstrings" so well.

My question is what is tying heartstrings? I think she got frustrated that I wouldn't agree with her and sort of closed down. Does it have to do with tying your children to you in love? If that is the case I say, maybe you shouldn't have destroyed the trust in the first place.

If anyone could tell me, I would really appreciate it. I don't want to read his work myself because it makes me sick and depresses me that people believe that garbage.

Pragmatist · 03-23-2010, 07:31 AM

Practicing attachment parenting is "tying heart strings". Read any book by Dr. Sears or many others recommended here and you can learn how to tie heart strings without having to sift through the garbage.

03-23-2010, 07:39 AM

I get the same from the mother of the family we meet for our weekly play date. She reads TTUAC every year, to "keep fresh". She is a die-hard Gothard/Pearl person. According to her, it has worked *wonders*! And, I see how she deals with her children. She is *always* telling them she loves them, she is *always* hugging on them, etc. I haven't told her, but I submit that it is this AP thing that is what is working for her. . . . not the glue stick she carries in the diaper bag. She says that Pearl is all about a very strong relationship, and "tying heart strings". Apparently, she is the rare one that can completely not see the ickiness, and just wants to see what she wants to see. If a person is strong enough, Bible-savvy enough, has loving examples and a tender and loving heart, and knows where to look, to be fair, he does cover this very thoroughly.

tempestjewel · 03-23-2010, 07:50 AM

I deal with this too. People who think the relationship aspect of that stuff is just *so* wonderful and joyful, that they look past all the yucky stuff and don't even realize that they are simultaneously destroying relationship

I agree that strength of your relationship does help with discipline, but I find it sad that a lot of these "gurus" so quickly do things to sever the relationship or distort it- confusing love and pain in ways that I find so

and unhealthy.

I really, really dislike the "gleaning" concept when it comes to adversarial/punitive stuff. I think some mama here posted that it's like eating brownies with just a little dog poop. Pardon me, but I prefer just brownies with no poop!

Or, to me, it's like trying to cook a gourmet meal out of stuff in a landfill. Sure, it can likely be done, but you risk contamination and have to ignore an awful lot of, well, garbage! No thanks. I'd rather go somewhere without the potential for poison!

03-23-2010, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tempestjewel

I really, really dislike the "gleaning" concept when it comes to adversarial/punitive stuff. I think some mama here posted that it's like eating brownies with just a little dog poop. Pardon me, but I prefer just brownies with no poop!

Or, to me, it's like trying to cook a gourmet meal out of stuff in a landfill. Sure, it can likely be done, but you risk contamination and have to ignore an awful lot of, well, garbage! No thanks. I'd rather go somewhere without the potential for poison!

I agree! I have a friend who has read TTUAC and she told me that "There's good things in there, even though I don't agree with everything. Each parent has to make their own choice. They should be able to tell what's not good."
I said that maybe not every parent can see the dangers and take the good without the bad. I haven't received her thought on that yet!

Joanne · 03-23-2010, 11:14 AM

I agree there are resources that have areas to glean from:

1-2-3 Magic
Kevin Lehman
Ilg and Ames books
Love and Logic

But the Pearls are based on bad exegisis. They are flawed foundationally. They completely ignore the good and accurate science behind child development and progress. Tying heart strings? Duh. Connect with your kids is a basic.

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION TO FOLLOW.

Would you eat brownies with a little bit of poop?
Or drink soup with a little poison?

03-23-2010, 07:14 AM	#1
Karen Guest Posts: n/a	Tying Heart Strings I have been in a couple of discussions with a friend of mine who believes there is value in Ezzo, Pearl, Tripp etc. She says take the meat throw out the bones. I say trash is trash. Anyway, in discussing some of Pearl's philosophy she told me that he really has mellowed (untrue if his answers to critics are anything to go from) and he really deals with "tying heartstrings" so well. My question is what is tying heartstrings? I think she got frustrated that I wouldn't agree with her and sort of closed down. Does it have to do with tying your children to you in love? If that is the case I say, maybe you shouldn't have destroyed the trust in the first place. If anyone could tell me, I would really appreciate it. I don't want to read his work myself because it makes me sick and depresses me that people believe that garbage.

03-23-2010, 07:31 AM	#2
Pragmatist Rose Garden Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Idaho Posts: 4,924	Re: Tying Heart Strings Practicing attachment parenting is "tying heart strings". Read any book by Dr. Sears or many others recommended here and you can learn how to tie heart strings without having to sift through the garbage. __________________ Sara (ISTJ) married to V since 7/99 Strawberry Shortcake- 3/07 Huckleberry Pie- 9/11

03-23-2010, 07:39 AM	#3
Chris3jam Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Tying Heart Strings I get the same from the mother of the family we meet for our weekly play date. She reads TTUAC every year, to "keep fresh". She is a die-hard Gothard/Pearl person. According to her, it has worked wonders! And, I see how she deals with her children. She is always telling them she loves them, she is always hugging on them, etc. I haven't told her, but I submit that it is this AP thing that is what is working for her. . . . not the glue stick she carries in the diaper bag. She says that Pearl is all about a very strong relationship, and "tying heart strings". Apparently, she is the rare one that can completely not see the ickiness, and just wants to see what she wants to see. If a person is strong enough, Bible-savvy enough, has loving examples and a tender and loving heart, and knows where to look, to be fair, he does cover this very thoroughly.

03-23-2010, 07:50 AM	#4
tempestjewel Climbing Rose Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Washington State Posts: 1,361	Re: Tying Heart Strings I deal with this too. People who think the relationship aspect of that stuff is just so wonderful and joyful, that they look past all the yucky stuff and don't even realize that they are simultaneously destroying relationship I agree that strength of your relationship does help with discipline, but I find it sad that a lot of these "gurus" so quickly do things to sever the relationship or distort it- confusing love and pain in ways that I find so and unhealthy. I really, really dislike the "gleaning" concept when it comes to adversarial/punitive stuff. I think some mama here posted that it's like eating brownies with just a little dog poop. Pardon me, but I prefer just brownies with no poop! Or, to me, it's like trying to cook a gourmet meal out of stuff in a landfill. Sure, it can likely be done, but you risk contamination and have to ignore an awful lot of, well, garbage! No thanks. I'd rather go somewhere without the potential for poison! __________________ Naomi, INFJ, married to my carpenter DH, and mama to DC (19), DD (16), DS (13), DD (9), and DD (7). Plus three kitties, Mango, Mochi, and Lola.

03-23-2010, 11:14 AM	#6
Joanne Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 8,066	Re: Tying Heart Strings I agree there are resources that have areas to glean from: 1-2-3 Magic Kevin Lehman Ilg and Ames books Love and Logic But the Pearls are based on bad exegisis. They are flawed foundationally. They completely ignore the good and accurate science behind child development and progress. Tying heart strings? Duh. Connect with your kids is a basic. GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION TO FOLLOW. Would you eat brownies with a little bit of poop? Or drink soup with a little poison?

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