When kids act like kids

[DaGreeksWife]

I am sure there are posts about this but I cannot find them... and with Christmas coming up, I need dialogue!

What are some good/appropriate responses to family members who have a habit of getting onto kids.... for being kids?!? I am talking about a kid: making noises, moving about, - basically doing things that happen to get on their nerves/ think is annoying... and they think it's their right as a "bigger"/older person to call them out on it. This happens a lot with my daughter and my in-laws, in particular (esp my 17yo SIL and 22yo BIL)... and I am OVER it! If they are actually correcting something needing to be corrected, I will say "I am right here. I'll take care of it". But what do I do to counteract it, when I don't think she is actually doing anything wrong and they just need to CHILL?!

And yes, most of the time they pull this stuff, I am sitting right there.

[babyb4us]

I hear you! I have experienced the same thing. What I do is just kindly let the adult know that I have an eye on them, and our rules are a bit different. Even if I think my kids are doing great, I assure the adults that I am watching. It's hard, but they will be parents someday and work thru the same thing.

[marbles]

I usually look at the child in question and say something like, "it's ok, you haven't done anything wrong. you can play [wherever the uncomfortable person is not] if you like." Probably not the best way to handle it, but I don't get up and announce it or anything, I say something to my child quietly so they know they're fine. I like to give them another option because at least my kids usually feel uncomfortable in situations like that. Now if they're at my house and doing something completely acceptable, I will say to the adult that the kids are fine, please don't worry about them and relax. Usually it's an adult who wants to get the kids to clean up or something, and I tell them not to worry, just relax, I'll get that later.

[mamacat]

Sounds like people who arent parents yet or parent differently?

---------- Post added at 03:28 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:27 AM ----------

I think I might say Uncle & Aunt so & so need some quiet time so lets go play outside or in another room

[Soliloquy]

I respond like the earlier post, "It's okay, you're not doing anything wrong." If the older person is complaining about noise, I "cue" them with a polite way to make their desires known. "Is the noise bothering you? If so, we can go to the other room." When an adult is downright rude, I say to my child, "Sometimes grown ups forget their manners. Let's give them a bit of space."

[DaGreeksWife]

Forgot to mention that my daughter is 7 and is fairly mature for her age - therefore people tend to expect more from her than they should.

The people that get on her the most int his way are my inlaws. Specifically my SIL and BIL... but my MIL, FIL and aunt do it too. And it's usually not that they want her to go away... they just want her to stop doing whatever it is they don't care for, at that moment. Things they would never point out to anyone else - but because she's a child they think it's ok. And I can tell it makes her feel uncomfortable and self conscious - which is what I dislike about it most!!![COLOR="Silver"]

---------- Post added 12-19-2014 at 12:30 AM ---------- Previous post was 12-18-2014 at 11:56 PM ----------

[QUOTE=mamacat;5859632]Sounds like people who arent parents yet or parent differently?

Yes to both. And I am NOT a confrontational person... but I don't like seeing my daughter feeling uncomfortable for being a kid - which is why I am asking for some verbiage I can use.

[Chaos Coordinator]

Take her outside to play. Be her ally. Their rudeness is uncalled for and i would be careful to limit my daughter's exposure to it.

[JoEllen]

Depends. If my children are being loud while we are spending time with an elderly person who gets jittery and nervous at loud noises, then I will relocate my children to a different area of the house, show them a quiet activity they can do, or take them outside. On the other hand, if someone is annoyed that my daughter is humming to herself while she is coloring, I will look at that person and say "she is fine". I don't allow anyone to nitpick at my babies like that.

[Chaos Coordinator]

Yes, sometimes it's not appropriate for kids to just be kids. Some situations are just delicate and require a level of maturity that your child may not have, which is okay, it just means your child needs a situation that is good and right for them.

But if its just an adult nitpicking at a child for the sake of feeling big and superior, that's bullying, and i wouldn't want my daughter immersed in an environment where that's acceptable. Or in my case, my son. And i have two that are empaths who know that they're being harshly judged even when their critic is silent. Bad juju. They dont need that in their feedback loop.

[ECingMama]

I'm dealing with it too. Sigh.

[DaGreeksWife]

None of them are old. My FIL (the oldest in the bunch - and the most gentle) is nearing 60... As far as circumstances, we are talking everyone hanging out at the in-laws or aunt's house - eating, playing cards, watching tv, talking, etc... nothing formal or anything. Family gatherings. She is capable of sitting appropriately at formal functions (church, concerts, etc).... And I would totally remove her or excuse ourselves if I saw that to not be the case. But that's not the problem.

And the admonishments aren't all the time... just when they decide they don't like something at that moment. Next time, the same "offence" may be fine. Unfortunately, whenever it does happen I find myself struggling to find words to let them know it's not ok, and diffuse the situation for KB. I want to empower her that it's not okay for "grownups" to push their weight around, just because they can...

[JoEllen]

Originally Posted by DaGreeksWife

I find myself struggling to find words to let them know it's not ok

Like I said, I just look at the person and say "he/she is fine" and drop it at that. I know that's not exactly mind-blowingly helpful, but it's what I do.

[mamacat]

I really liked that response of "Im sorry.Is the noise (or whatever) bothering you? If so we can go to another room." And just remind dd that inlaws are not used to being around kids being kids.

[MariJo7]

Christmas is a holiday especially intended for children! It is good to hear how you defend your children's right to enjoy Christmas.
Maybe I'd limit my stay at my inlaw's place if I were in your position, but that's something you need to figure out for yourself.

---------- Post added at 03:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:44 PM ----------

Anyway, it sounds like you are doing a great job and you seem fully capable to defend your kids against the "Christmas spoilers".

[Elyse221]

Um, for the 17 and 22 year old I would probably say something like, "She's not doing anything wrong. What's the big deal?" as long as it's not something that personally affects/infringes on them. You could tell them if they have a problem with her, they can come to you and you'll deal with it. May cut down on the "problems" they find.

I agree with the advice about going to another room or area, especially if it's older people or someone else's home. Picking at my kid=we go away for awhile because we all obviously need some space.