Gentle Christian Mothers Community
 
Random Quotes from Wise Mamas

~* Please help keep GCM free by using our
Amazon.com affiliate link. Thank you! *~


Go Back   Gentle Christian Mothers Community > Specific Issues > Gentle Discipline *Public*
Forgot Password? Join Us!

Gentle Discipline *Public* A public forum.
GCM Webpage: Gentle Discipline

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-28-2012, 09:58 AM   #1
Psyche
Rose Garden
 
Srsly?
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: DFW
Posts: 24,442
Psyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond repute
Default Words as magic vs bald faced lying

Caden messed with my contacts this morning and I told him I knew he has but needed to know what he'd put in the cylinder. He bald faced lied several times even after I said he wasn't in trouble. I wasn't accusatory I wasn't yelling.

He lost my contacts.

When he finally told the truth I thanked him.

What is the difference between lying and words as magic? How should I have handled the above.
__________________
Heather (ISTJ)

working full time, wife to Jason since '02, mom to C 12 years old, J 9 years old , and T 6 years old , mouse catching, Izzy, and rabbit chasing, Ellie.
Psyche is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-28-2012, 10:09 AM   #2
J3K
Deactivated
 
Hi ! I'm Myrtle. I like to pretend I'm an R.O.U.S.
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: under the cat
Posts: 17,112
J3K has a reputation beyond reputeJ3K has a reputation beyond reputeJ3K has a reputation beyond reputeJ3K has a reputation beyond reputeJ3K has a reputation beyond reputeJ3K has a reputation beyond reputeJ3K has a reputation beyond reputeJ3K has a reputation beyond reputeJ3K has a reputation beyond reputeJ3K has a reputation beyond reputeJ3K has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Words as magic vs bald faced lying

I think you handled it well.

Who amongst us tells the truth instantly when we know we've been caught doing something we shouldn't have been ? We avoid voice mails , we don't answer phones or we hit 'ignore' online , we ponder over what exactly to say... and eventually we get the courage to say "Yes. I messed up and this is what happened."


Your son came forward with the information. Maybe not when you wanted him to , but he did. No screaming , no punishing , no shaming , he came forward on his own. That's a good thing.
J3K is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to J3K For This Useful Post:
Christina+5 (04-30-2012), Psyche (04-28-2012), Tasmanian Saint (04-29-2012)
Old 04-28-2012, 10:28 AM   #3
Katigre
Rose Garden
 
Why thank you, it is naturally blue...
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,278
Katigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Words as magic vs bald faced lying

Is it a habit with him lying or was this more of a one-time thing? That would affect my response (we just came through a lying habit with DS).
Katigre is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Katigre For This Useful Post:
Psyche (04-28-2012)
Old 04-28-2012, 10:58 AM   #4
Psyche
Rose Garden
 
Srsly?
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: DFW
Posts: 24,442
Psyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond reputePsyche has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Words as magic vs bald faced lying

He's been denying/lying frequently lately And not coming clean unless we nag.
__________________
Heather (ISTJ)

working full time, wife to Jason since '02, mom to C 12 years old, J 9 years old , and T 6 years old , mouse catching, Izzy, and rabbit chasing, Ellie.
Psyche is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-28-2012, 11:41 AM   #5
Katigre
Rose Garden
 
Why thank you, it is naturally blue...
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,278
Katigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond reputeKatigre has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Words as magic vs bald faced lying

Ok, that was DS too. Talking.talking.talking about it didn't get through to him. A combo of logical consequences/removal of privileges plus setting a longer-term goal has helped - he hasn't had issues with it since we did those things (it was a one-time consequence plus the longer-term plan talked about below).

I told him it was a matter of changing his habits and that takes time and practice, that he'd gotten into a habit of lying (which he had - it was several times a day about stupid little things, telling what really happened wasn't even occurring to him).

Anyway - he wanted to buy an Angry Birds game for the tablet with his money and we told him that he had to wait until it had been one week without lying for him to have permission to buy the game. That set a goal in his mind and was the time period where he turned the corner and stopped lying about things like washing hands/etc... That was two weeks ago and it hasn't been an issue since. For some reason that helped him connect his behavior to being thoughtful about it instead of default-untruth in a way that other approaches (talking with him about it, redoing the situation to give a chance to tell the truth, stating the truth to him, etc...) hadn't.

---------- Post added at 01:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:11 PM ----------

Note: I think that the delay in buying the game was far more effective in helping him be conscious of his words than the removal of privileges was (we only did that once).
Katigre is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Katigre For This Useful Post:
Psyche (04-28-2012)
Old 04-30-2012, 10:01 AM   #6
ArmsOfLove
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
ArmsOfLove has disabled reputation
Default Re: Words as magic vs bald faced lying

have you worked on teaching him the nuances of language? We talked about all sorts of language issues--what constitutes:

truth
lies
jokes
tricks
sarcasm
teasing
etc

When explaining lying I include important elements like it's telling an untruth to avoid trouble, or to deceive people--which is different from tricking because tricking is to tease the person and is supposed to be funny when they find out, but if the thing is negative and you're trying to protect yourself by deceiving someone, that's a lie. Then we talk about various scenarios and I say something and he guesses what category it falls into; then I give a category and he tries to think of something that would fit that category, etc.

When truth comes out, especially with a 6yo, I state very straight-faced: X is the Truth. You said Y and that is not the truth. When you say things that aren't true in order to avoid others being upset, that's a lie. It's very important to tell me the truth. If you lie I can't help you fix things. If you come to me, I can.
ArmsOfLove is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to ArmsOfLove For This Useful Post:
Bonnie (04-30-2012), Christina+5 (04-30-2012), Psyche (04-30-2012)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:38 AM.


A variety of opinions and ideas are shared on GCM. Personal experiences, suggestions, and tips found here are in no way intended to substitute for medical counsel from a healthcare professional. Always use your own good judgement and seek professional advice when in doubt about a health concern.

Amazon.com affiliate link

Copyright 1997-2017 by Gentle Christian Mothers™
An alternative-minded, evangelical Christian community supporting attachment parenting and natural living.

Do not post content elsewhere.
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/

Some smilies created and copyrighted by Mazeguy.
Some smilies and avatars created and copyrighted by flowermama and children -- do not use elsewhere.

Soli Deo Gloria
To God only wise, be glory through Jesus Christ for ever. Amen. ~ Romans 16:27 (KJV)

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
  • Page Generation 0.07466 seconds
  • Memory Usage 7,939KB
  • Queries Executed 14 (?)
More Information
Template Usage:
  • (1)SHOWTHREAD
  • (1)ad_footer_end
  • (1)ad_footer_start
  • (1)ad_header_end
  • (1)ad_header_logo
  • (1)ad_navbar_below
  • (1)ad_showthread_beforeqr
  • (1)cyb_flashimagebanners
  • (1)footer
  • (1)forumjump
  • (1)forumrules
  • (1)gobutton
  • (1)header
  • (1)headinclude
  • (1)navbar
  • (3)navbar_link
  • (60)option
  • (6)post_groan_box
  • (1)post_groan_javascript
  • (1)post_groan_navbar_search
  • (6)post_thanks_box
  • (8)post_thanks_box_bit
  • (1)post_thanks_javascript
  • (1)post_thanks_navbar_search
  • (4)post_thanks_postbit_legacy
  • (6)postbit_legacy
  • (6)postbit_onlinestatus
  • (56)postbit_reputation
  • (6)postbit_wrapper
  • (4)showthread_bookmarksite
  • (1)showthread_list
  • (1)smqre_editor_button
  • (1)spacer_close
  • (1)spacer_open
  • (1)tagbit_wrapper 

Phrase Groups Available:
  • global
  • inlinemod
  • postbit
  • posting
  • reputationlevel
  • showthread
Included Files:
  • ./showthread.php
  • ./global.php
  • ./includes/init.php
  • ./includes/class_core.php
  • ./includes/config.php
  • ./includes/functions.php
  • ./includes/class_hook.php
  • ./includes/functions_notice.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php
  • ./mobiquo/include/classTTConnection.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner/head.inc.php
  • ./includes/functions_bigthree.php
  • ./includes/class_postbit.php
  • ./includes/class_bbcode.php
  • ./includes/functions_reputation.php
  • ./includes/adminfunctions_template.php
  • ./includes/functions_misc.php
  • ./includes/functions_threadedmode.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_groan.php 

Hooks Called:
  • init_startup
  • cache_permissions
  • fetch_threadinfo_query
  • fetch_threadinfo
  • fetch_foruminfo
  • style_fetch
  • cache_templates
  • global_start
  • parse_templates
  • fetch_musername
  • notices_check_start
  • global_setup_complete
  • showthread_start
  • template_groups
  • template_safe_functions
  • template_compile
  • showthread_getinfo
  • forumjump
  • showthread_post_start
  • showthread_query_postids_threaded
  • showthread_threaded_construct_link
  • showthread_query
  • bbcode_fetch_tags
  • bbcode_create
  • showthread_postbit_create
  • postbit_factory
  • postbit_display_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_start
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_end
  • reputation_image
  • bbcode_parse_start
  • postbit_imicons
  • bbcode_parse_complete_precache
  • bbcode_parse_complete
  • postbit_display_complete
  • error_fetch
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_start
  • post_thanks_function_show_thanks_date_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_end
  • tag_fetchbit_complete
  • forumrules
  • showthread_bookmarkbit
  • navbits
  • navbits_complete
  • showthread_complete