Random Quotes from Wise Mamas |
br>
|
Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
04-27-2012, 12:34 AM | #1 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,289
|
Now I'm angry
So, my mom moved in with us a few years ago. Then she went to live with her boyfriend who cleaned out her savings and then left her so she moved back in. My dd is a handful. We all know this, but tonight, I find out that my mother slapped her because she was cursing in my mother's face. I could understand if she didn't know any other way to deal with it, but I DID. I have fully explained how to deal with dd's behaviors and my mother agreed to abide by our standards. Then she goes and slaps my child. This apparently occurred a couple weeks ago and I only found out tonight because dd was cursing and DS 6 yr. old, said, "grandma slaps for that, maybe that will work". So, mom depends on us 100% for her financial needs. She has no money to get a place of her own or even buy groceries for herself. She gets a total of $800 a month and most of that goes to bills that her boyfriend racked up in her name. How do I deal with this?? It does explain the recurrence of dd's aggression over the past couple of weeks. Now she doesn't even feel safe at home.
(dd has been dxed with ADHD, ODD, and possible anxiety, she reacts aggressively and as I said, it's a handful) |
04-27-2012, 01:24 AM | #2 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 7,336
|
Re: Now I'm angry
your mom needs to leave. she hit your child. she should not be in your home. end full stop.
I know you will probably give me an excuse about why she should stay. but she is no longer welcome at your home and when she hit your child she crossed a line that was never to be crossed. she is a grown up. she needs to find somewhere to live. she has 800 bucks. she can find a roommate and get an apartment. get food stamps. you will be fed on food stamps. the rest of it is not your concern. she needs to leave like yesterday. your daughter needs to be protected. you fought to keep her in your house and keep her safe and clearly she is not safe from your mother. take a deep breath and tell her she needs to go. pack her stuff and show her the door. you can do it. just thinking out loud here, if you are concerned for your safety, then you should call a friend. give her 24 hours notice. I might even give her less if I were you. find a homeless shelter? whatever. she needs to go.
__________________
Mum to MayFlowers: DD1 4/2004 DD2 13/2006 DS 24/2009 and my Hawaiian Surprise DS 9/1/11 |
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to Can Dance For This Useful Post: | Amy (04-27-2012), BarefootBetsy (04-27-2012), bliss (04-29-2012), blondie (04-27-2012), CapeTownMommy (04-27-2012), hey mommy (04-27-2012), JessicaNichole (04-27-2012), Joanne (04-27-2012), OperaDivaMom (04-27-2012), PrincessAnika (04-27-2012), Stacy (04-27-2012), TenderLovingWillow (04-27-2012), Zooey (04-28-2012) |
04-27-2012, 04:55 AM | #3 |
Rose Trellis
chocolate distraction
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,802
|
Re: Now I'm angry
At the very least she no longer is allowed to be alone with your kids. If you need to go somewhere, take the kids to a sitter. Don't have the sitter come to you, grandma will still hit. I would shadow grandma to make sure she was not in a room with a child. I would look into financial lawyers to see what her options were for getting out of your house-bankruptcy, gov't housing etc...
__________________
ISFJ Mama to: ds1 (8/05, ADHD/ODD) dd (11/07) ds2 (4/11) Married to (since 12/97) No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of anyone who isn't trying." ~ unknown |
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Amy For This Useful Post: | dulce de leche (04-27-2012), HadassahSukkot (04-28-2012), MercyInDisguise (04-27-2012), NewCovenantMama (04-27-2012), PrincessAnika (04-27-2012), sherry (04-27-2012), Stacy (04-27-2012), Zooey (04-28-2012) |
04-27-2012, 10:55 AM | #4 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 38,127
|
Re: Now I'm angry
My ex's mom slapped Bug for swearing at her too. He was about 8. I told her that if it ever happened again, I would call the police and press charges for assault.
I would not throw your mom out because of this one incident. Having someone screaming in your face and swearing *is* very triggering, and I think she deserves forgiveness for it. I would possibly bring her along to your dd's next therapy session so it can be addressed and I would have your mom read some books that you choose to help her learn how to better deal with it. I would make it clear that if it happens again, she will need to find a new place to live. She can file bankruptcy, use government assistance, find a roommate, etc. If she wants to live with you, she needs to realize that her behavior matters. |
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to MarynMunchkins For This Useful Post: | AngelaVA (04-27-2012), Auroras mom (04-28-2012), BarefootBetsy (04-27-2012), Calee (04-27-2012), CelticJourney (04-28-2012), Christina+5 (04-27-2012), Dovenoir (04-27-2012), HadassahSukkot (04-28-2012), Hermana Linda (04-27-2012), JessicaNichole (04-27-2012), Johns_Gal (04-27-2012), KSL (04-27-2012), MercyInDisguise (04-28-2012), PrincessAnika (04-27-2012), Snugglebugmom (05-05-2012), SweetCaroline (04-27-2012), Tasmanian Saint (04-29-2012), Zooey (04-28-2012) |
04-27-2012, 11:55 AM | #5 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,289
|
Re: Now I'm angry
Well, talked to her this morning and she is very upset. She said she didn't mean to react that way but that she was honestly scared. Last time she lived with us, my dd attacked her with a knife (this was what caused us to start locking up the knives), but right before dd attacked her, she had done the same thing, cursing and screaming at mom. That does make it easier to understand her reaction. She has stated that she did apologize to Lala after she reacted that way.
Hopefully it's been handled, but I did tell her that from now on she won't be alone with the children unless it's an emergency, at least for a while. I also told her she needs to explain to Simon that what she did was wrong so that he doesn't continue to believe it's acceptable. She honestly didn't think about the fact that she can't just apologize to one child without explaining it to the others. She only had two of us to raise, there are four kids in this house. By the way, food stamps only gives her $15 a month, so not quite enough to keep her fed.
__________________
INTJ Mom of 4
Gav 17 Justin 13 Lala 11 Simon 8 |
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Petie For This Useful Post: |
The Following 3 Users Say they are praying for Petie: |
04-27-2012, 12:09 PM | #6 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Eastern CA
Posts: 9,119
|
Re: Now I'm angry
Quote:
But is it taking into account your *household* income? She might get more if she lived alone.
__________________
~Emily INTJ, Type 4 Wife to D Mama to: E 12/05 L 7/08 Z 12/10 A 6/14 and J in heaven 2/10 Torah Keeping, Unschooling Family My blog on unschooling and family life: Peace On Dark Nights. |
|
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to saturnfire16 For This Useful Post: | HadassahSukkot (04-28-2012), Zooey (04-28-2012) |
04-27-2012, 12:18 PM | #7 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,289
|
Re: Now I'm angry
No, that's how much she got prior to moving in with us. She doesn't get them now because of our household income.
__________________
INTJ Mom of 4
Gav 17 Justin 13 Lala 11 Simon 8 |
04-27-2012, 12:28 PM | #8 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,330
|
Re: Now I'm angry
Given the history that you have now given, I can *understand* (NOT ignore or approve of. UNDERSTAND) grandma's reaction. She needs supervision and boundaries, but if she has asked forgiveness and recognizes that her response was wrong, I don't think I'd throw her out over it.
I'm sorry it happened and I hope she is truly sorry and able to interact more positively with your children in the future. |
04-27-2012, 06:32 PM | #9 | |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 8,066
|
Re: Now I'm angry
Quote:
|
|
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Joanne For This Useful Post: | BarefootBetsy (04-27-2012), HadassahSukkot (04-28-2012), NewCovenantMama (04-28-2012), Zooey (04-28-2012) |
Bookmarks |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information | |
---|---|
|
|
More Information | |
Template Usage:
Phrase Groups Available:
|
Included Files:
Hooks Called:
|