Be still my fingers

titosmommy · 06-10-2012, 06:22 PM

I saw a couple different posts on facebook from people in our church regarding spanking and equating it with discipline. I so want to post a status about why "people" think discipline equals spanking. I won't because it's passive aggressive and if I'm going to address the issue I will do so in private. But I just have to get it out. Why do people think you must spank in order to discipline. It doesn't make sense. I'll admit, I've spanked before, but it's not because it's what I think is best, it's because I don't know what else to do. I'm growing my tool box so that I don't even know the last time I spanked, but I know that that reason is not a good one. I know it's not what I won't to do. I'm totally still growing in this GBD thing, and it's kind of funny how those posts probably wouldn't have bothered me a year ago, but now they make me so annoyed. Just had to get that out since I'm not ready to post that on facebook.

simplegirl · 06-10-2012, 06:55 PM

Yeah, usually that just stirs up more debate. I just post links and quotes on my wall that are very GBD and crunchy so people know where I stand. There have been a couple times I have posted and I usually regret getting into it, but I'm very non confrontational that way.

kiloyd · 06-10-2012, 06:58 PM

I hate the whole "discipline=punishment" thing too.

StewardofLOs · 06-10-2012, 07:54 PM

In my neck of the woods

people usually argue that the Bible says so

Over the past few years I've shared some things on fb at "neutral" times that have made it clear where I stand. But yeah, sometimes it is *so* hard not to get pulled into a debate.

triscuit · 06-10-2012, 08:58 PM

Yeah I saw some "that's what this country needs a good spankin'!!" the other day and I was like.... WHATTT? People still think that way?? It's crazy when you get a little bit "out there" on FB and see some stuff... ooo I just forget it's still actually like that, it's so sad

ruhama · 06-10-2012, 10:27 PM

It's really hard. I recently dipped my toe into a similar online conversation. I simply stated that I do not believe in spanking or punishment in general, point them to a few great books, secular and Christian, state that I won't engage in an online debate on the topic (but a personal message or conversation from an interested party is fine), then sum it up with something like:

"I have faith that any parent with the right tools is capable of solving the problem and teaching their child about loving others, themselves and God without the use of punishment.

"

mwwr · 06-11-2012, 12:12 AM

This is getting me thinking...to discipline without spanking requires *discipline* form the parent. First we must discipline ourselves.

tempestjewel · 06-11-2012, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mwwr

This is getting me thinking...to discipline without spanking requires *discipline* form the parent. First we must discipline ourselves.

, and the more I solve my own issues, the more clarity and patience I have to guide my own children. I know there are a lot of us on this board that are literally re-raising ourselves out of the desire to do things differently for our children. It's a journey worth making

tigerlily · 06-11-2012, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mwwr

This is getting me thinking...to discipline without spanking requires *discipline* form the parent. First we must discipline ourselves.

That's why I signed up for Celebrate Calm in my news feed. This is a big thing for them.

LearningMama · 06-11-2012, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tempestjewel

, and the more I solve my own issues, the more clarity and patience I have to guide my own children. I know there are a lot of us on this board that are literally re-raising ourselves out of the desire to do things differently for our children. It's a journey worth making

ruhama · 06-11-2012, 09:54 PM

Yep. My big 'aha' moment was when I realized *I* needed more self-control if I wanted to be more patient with my child. I really was overwhelmed by what a huge leap in maturity that would take, but deeply comforted that I had a heavenly father to hold my hand along the way. We're still hiking that trail!

Amahoro · 06-11-2012, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerlily

That's why I signed up for Celebrate Calm in my news feed. This is a big thing for them.

I LOVE that I have Celebrate Calm in my newsfeed - it really helps me nurture discipline in my own life...

Rugayatu · 06-13-2012, 08:23 PM

I have a hard time not responding to posts like that too. I often will give a short sentence about what we do in our family and then say I don't want to debate on FB but I'm happy to talk about it further via PM with anyone who's interested. Saying something grace-full though instead of sarcastic is often very hard for me! I think (hope!) I'm getting better at it.

I just liked Celebrate Calm - thanks for the recommendation! Never heard of them before. Another mama here working on re-parenting myself so I can be a better mom to my DD!

CelticJourney · 06-16-2012, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mwwr

This is getting me thinking...to discipline without spanking requires *discipline* form the parent. First we must discipline ourselves.

That really is key - not seeing ourselves as these perfect being who must bend our children to our will, but imperfect people who need to model self-control and self-discipline AND honest and humble remorse when our human fraility causes us to sin. Ds and I are having issus right now and I have to remember to work on this aspect of 'teaching and growing' more right now than when he was tiny.

06-17-2012, 11:46 PM

This post is quite timely. It seems as if this past week was "spanking glorification" week on FB. I had no less than three pro-spanking and "spanking is biblical discipline!" posts on my wall. I left polite, disagreeing comments under two of them. One of the others I didn't dare, as the woman is quite surly and her husband works with my father. What are ya gonna do?

06-10-2012, 06:22 PM	#1
titosmommy Rose Bouquet Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Beautiful, windy Kansas Posts: 953	Be still my fingers I saw a couple different posts on facebook from people in our church regarding spanking and equating it with discipline. I so want to post a status about why "people" think discipline equals spanking. I won't because it's passive aggressive and if I'm going to address the issue I will do so in private. But I just have to get it out. Why do people think you must spank in order to discipline. It doesn't make sense. I'll admit, I've spanked before, but it's not because it's what I think is best, it's because I don't know what else to do. I'm growing my tool box so that I don't even know the last time I spanked, but I know that that reason is not a good one. I know it's not what I won't to do. I'm totally still growing in this GBD thing, and it's kind of funny how those posts probably wouldn't have bothered me a year ago, but now they make me so annoyed. Just had to get that out since I'm not ready to post that on facebook. __________________ Megan, wife to my wonderful pastor husband and mommy to the noisy one, Titus (5) and the tiny one, Asher (2).

06-10-2012, 06:55 PM	#2
simplegirl Rose Garden She's a good girl, loves her Mama, loves Jesus, and Kentucky too Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 7,873	Re: Be still my fingers Yeah, usually that just stirs up more debate. I just post links and quotes on my wall that are very GBD and crunchy so people know where I stand. There have been a couple times I have posted and I usually regret getting into it, but I'm very non confrontational that way. __________________ Wife to Designer/Creative Director ESFJ - piano teacher Noah 2005 Coleman 2007 Josie 2018

06-10-2012, 06:58 PM	#3
kiloyd Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: South Carolina Posts: 16,108	Re: Be still my fingers I hate the whole "discipline=punishment" thing too. __________________ k-i-loyd, not kill loyd ISFJ/P Katherine, married 8-9-97 ds1 22 (adding a dil in August!) dd1 18 dd2 16 ds2 10

06-10-2012, 07:54 PM	#4
StewardofLOs Rose Trellis "What if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears?" Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: southwest VA Posts: 2,649	Re: Be still my fingers In my neck of the woods people usually argue that the Bible says so Over the past few years I've shared some things on fb at "neutral" times that have made it clear where I stand. But yeah, sometimes it is so hard not to get pulled into a debate. __________________ Christina INTJ, T4 former high school teacher turned homeschool mom married 12 yrs to DH ENFP, T1 currently battling hemeralopia-induced blindness and chronic pain for the 3rd time mama to five: 10.5yo DS (my serious T4) 8yo DD (my sparkly T1) 3.5yo DD (my precious T2) one I will hold in heaven

06-10-2012, 08:58 PM	#5
triscuit Rosebud Join Date: May 2012 Location: CO Posts: 120	Re: Be still my fingers Yeah I saw some "that's what this country needs a good spankin'!!" the other day and I was like.... WHATTT? People still think that way?? It's crazy when you get a little bit "out there" on FB and see some stuff... ooo I just forget it's still actually like that, it's so sad __________________ Kate Wife since 1/2/08 Mama to Logan 6/14/10 Remembering Lea 04W02D - Dec '11 & Baby J 06W4D - July '12

06-10-2012, 10:27 PM	#6
ruhama Deactivated Jumping off the hot tin roof. Join Date: May 2011 Location: We are all of us made of stars. Posts: 2,106	Re: Be still my fingers It's really hard. I recently dipped my toe into a similar online conversation. I simply stated that I do not believe in spanking or punishment in general, point them to a few great books, secular and Christian, state that I won't engage in an online debate on the topic (but a personal message or conversation from an interested party is fine), then sum it up with something like: "I have faith that any parent with the right tools is capable of solving the problem and teaching their child about loving others, themselves and God without the use of punishment. "

06-11-2012, 12:12 AM	#7
mwwr Deactivated It is good to be Queen! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Nothin' could be finer... Posts: 8,231	Re: Be still my fingers This is getting me thinking...to discipline without spanking requires discipline form the parent. First we must discipline ourselves.

06-11-2012, 09:54 PM	#11
ruhama Deactivated Jumping off the hot tin roof. Join Date: May 2011 Location: We are all of us made of stars. Posts: 2,106	Re: Be still my fingers Yep. My big 'aha' moment was when I realized I needed more self-control if I wanted to be more patient with my child. I really was overwhelmed by what a huge leap in maturity that would take, but deeply comforted that I had a heavenly father to hold my hand along the way. We're still hiking that trail!

06-13-2012, 08:23 PM	#13
Rugayatu Climbing Rose Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Northeast Posts: 1,163	Re: Be still my fingers I have a hard time not responding to posts like that too. I often will give a short sentence about what we do in our family and then say I don't want to debate on FB but I'm happy to talk about it further via PM with anyone who's interested. Saying something grace-full though instead of sarcastic is often very hard for me! I think (hope!) I'm getting better at it. I just liked Celebrate Calm - thanks for the recommendation! Never heard of them before. Another mama here working on re-parenting myself so I can be a better mom to my DD! __________________ Erin INFJ wife to hard-working cowboy DH ~ 6/5/2005 mama to sweet and spunky DD ~ 9/2/09 squishy and serene DS ~ 1/12/14 and my angel baby ~ 1/8/2008 "The work we do is only our love for Jesus in action." ~Mother Theresa

06-17-2012, 11:46 PM	#15
SubarbanHippie Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Be still my fingers This post is quite timely. It seems as if this past week was "spanking glorification" week on FB. I had no less than three pro-spanking and "spanking is biblical discipline!" posts on my wall. I left polite, disagreeing comments under two of them. One of the others I didn't dare, as the woman is quite surly and her husband works with my father. What are ya gonna do?

X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
Page Generation 0.10429 seconds Memory Usage 8,150KB Queries Executed 16 (?)
More Information
Template Usage: (1)SHOWTHREAD (1)ad_footer_end (1)ad_footer_start (1)ad_header_end (1)ad_header_logo (1)ad_navbar_below (1)ad_showthread_beforeqr (1)ad_showthread_firstpost (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_sig (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_start (5)bbcode_quote (1)cyb_flashimagebanners (1)footer (1)forumjump (1)forumrules (1)gobutton (1)header (1)headinclude (1)navbar (3)navbar_link (60)option (15)post_groan_box (1)post_groan_javascript (1)post_groan_navbar_search (15)post_thanks_box (39)post_thanks_box_bit (1)post_thanks_javascript (1)post_thanks_navbar_search (12)post_thanks_postbit_legacy (15)postbit_legacy (14)postbit_onlinestatus (147)postbit_reputation (15)postbit_wrapper (4)showthread_bookmarksite (1)smqre_editor_button (1)spacer_close (1)spacer_open (1)tagbit_wrapper Phrase Groups Available: global inlinemod postbit posting reputationlevel showthread	Included Files: ./showthread.php ./global.php ./includes/init.php ./includes/class_core.php ./includes/config.php ./includes/functions.php ./includes/class_hook.php ./includes/functions_notice.php ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php ./mobiquo/include/classTTConnection.php ./mobiquo/smartbanner/head.inc.php ./includes/functions_bigthree.php ./includes/class_postbit.php ./includes/class_bbcode.php ./includes/functions_reputation.php ./includes/adminfunctions_template.php ./includes/functions_misc.php ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php ./includes/functions_post_groan.php Hooks Called: init_startup cache_permissions fetch_threadinfo_query fetch_threadinfo fetch_foruminfo style_fetch cache_templates global_start parse_templates fetch_musername notices_check_start global_setup_complete showthread_start template_groups template_safe_functions template_compile showthread_getinfo forumjump showthread_post_start showthread_query_postids showthread_query bbcode_fetch_tags bbcode_create showthread_postbit_create postbit_factory postbit_display_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_start post_thanks_function_show_thanks_date_start post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_end post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_start post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_end post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end post_groan_function_groaned_already_start post_groan_function_groaned_already_end reputation_image bbcode_parse_start postbit_imicons bbcode_parse_complete_precache bbcode_parse_complete postbit_display_complete error_fetch tag_fetchbit_complete forumrules showthread_bookmarkbit navbits navbits_complete showthread_complete
Messages: