s/o parenting self-talk

[thrillofhope]

Originally Posted by J3K

It was a real turning point for me allowing my kids to correct me.

Yep. When I realized I was yelling all the time and my kids were copying me, the first thing I did was sit down and tell them, "It's not okay for us to yell. If mommy yells I want you to tell me." Now when my voice is starting to creep up DD(4) says, "Uh uh mommy. Don't yell." It helps.

[J3K]

I had more people stop and say "You're training her to always defy you."

My answer , every single time , "Would you allow anyone to stand in your face using their size to intimidate you and scream ? If the answer is yes , we need to have a serious talk about boundaries. If the answer is no , then I ask why wouldn't a child, a defenseless child , have the same rights ?"

[ShepherdsWife]

I just made it through the WHOLE thing!!!!!! I LOVE this thread. I have only began to realize recently the extent of abuse I had as a child. This, THIS is what I need to re-parent myself and be vulnerable enough to parent my child the way I wish I had been parented. Being able to be weak and do this is the challenge because I wasn't allowed emotions...hard, so, so hard and so worth it.

[Maggirayne]

Originally Posted by mokamoto

I had a lightbulb moment yesterday- I am impatient and tough on my kids when I'm feeling like I did something poorly or I'm thinking about an interaction that didn't go as I liked. If I start with giving myself grace, acknowledging my feelings and parenting myself, I'll parent them better as well. I've always been one to internalize criticisms and worries and repeat them endlessly. I can be really hard on myself.

Met too.

Originally Posted by JenniferM

As a newbie, I have found this thread helpful and encouraging.
Helpful - I've already started teaching myself so I can respond more gracefully.
Encouraging - I have a legitimate reason to talk to myself!

Also, it helps me to know that others struggle with similar things. I was hesitant about joining this group because I thought maybe it was filled with moms that are gentle and kind and never get angry or yell at their kids.... It's much more helpful to see that it is filled with moms who do get angry and regretfully yell at their kids while pursuing gentleness and kindness!
Thank You!
Jennifer

Oh yeah, we're allllll human here.

Originally Posted by J3K

I had more people stop and say "You're training her to always defy you."

My answer , every single time , "Would you allow anyone to stand in your face using their size to intimidate you and scream ? If the answer is yes , we need to have a serious talk about boundaries. If the answer is no , then I ask why wouldn't a child, a defenseless child , have the same rights ?"

Right?!
I wish I had you in my pocket for all the stupid things people say.

[allymom]

Subbing and going back through to read this whole thread.

[kindundmama]

New here. And I happened to click on this thread and realized so many things about myself and why, where, and how I am lacking in being a better parent. Oh my goodness! I read 8 pages and will continue later but I have to say a big thank you to all the members who have helped me understand so much about myself, feelings, and validation. Thank you a 1000 times.

[Living My Dream]

Subbing to read later. Thanks!

[Maggirayne]

This is one of my favourite threads ever.

[Meriby]

This is a great thread and really has me thinking about how I talk to myself and how my parents talked/talk to me.