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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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07-27-2010, 03:05 AM | #31 |
Climbing Rose
Mama to two little sweetpeas and loving wife to my Darling tech buff
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Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
I'm puzzled. What did you mean SouthPaw? Are you agreeing with the OP?
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07-27-2010, 06:55 AM | #32 | ||
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 750
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Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
Quote:
Entry Word: handle Function: verb Meaning: 1 to deal with (something) usually skillfully or efficiently <as host of a live TV talk show, she must handle any situation that comes up> Synonyms contend (with), cope (with), grapple (with), manage, maneuver, manipulate, negotiate, swing, treat I don't think it has to be intentional -- there are adults who "handle" situations who are not consciously aware of their method. Think of a baby who throws his spoon 100 times and watches Mommy pick it up 100 times. There is a benefit to the action: attention. Obviously the baby does not have a master plan to irritate his mom; likewise, kids who "act" shy (not talking about rare truly shy people) get the benefit of attention though they didn't consciously set out to achieve that goal. Quote:
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07-27-2010, 07:17 AM | #34 |
Rose Garden
Rock on!!!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,102
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Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
Small children are still learning and experiencing the hows and whys of the world around them, they are learning about how they relate to the world and how the world relates to them. Each child is an individual, they have their own personalities, preferences, and are in their own place of learning. That's why assigning positive intent is so important to a child's actions, and to work them through different situations, not just with our own children but others as well. It's just icky to assume that a child is acting shy for any reason other than that's how they're feeling at that moment.
On a side note, I have very big feelings about requiring a child who is uncomfortable to talk to or interact with people that they don't know. That's just a big safety issue to me, I do NOT want my child to learn or normalize pushing past that feeling of uneasiness to be "polite" or "nice", I want them to feel confident in saying, "I don't feel safe right now."
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07-27-2010, 07:35 AM | #35 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
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Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
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Erin, Saxophonist for Ginger and Her Baked Goods and The Starving Artists, Youth Services Specialist at the Elkhart Public Library, and Mom to Zach (3/98) and Elio (3/02) Last edited by erinee; 07-27-2010 at 01:00 PM. |
07-27-2010, 08:04 AM | #36 |
Rose Garden
Finding the Good
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Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
These kinds of broad sweeping prejudices (shy=manipulative) just make me feel heart sick. My middle daughter is painfully shy. She's also the most gracious, caring, unselfish child you'll ever have the pleasure of knowing.
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07-27-2010, 08:08 AM | #37 | |
Rose Garden
Be assured, God is in the details.
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Location: New Jersey
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Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
Wow. I usually agree with most of what he says, but this is so wrong. I remember as a child wanting to say things to people or to go up to them and play, but being frozen by fear. I eventually got better with it, but still am not the one to start a conversation.
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I think the situation you described is not a 'shy' child, simply one who wants to see whats going on before they jump in to it.
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07-27-2010, 08:48 AM | #38 | |
Rose Garden
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Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
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I disagree with Leman on this one. His statement screams of lack of understanding of what it is to be introverted. And his suggestion on how to handle it just violates the child's self awareness. |
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07-27-2010, 09:37 AM | #39 | ||
Deactivated
love
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Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
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I think Kevin Leman is being a jerk in this area (hopefully inadvertently), but he's very ignorant on the subject of shyness, ESPECIALLY being that he's an extrovert, and someone should have called him on it. Quote:
Last edited by Maggie; 07-27-2010 at 10:04 AM. |
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07-27-2010, 10:58 AM | #40 | |
Rose Garden
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Location: North Eastern CA
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Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
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If a child is in fact manipulating anyone, it is the parent's fault. A child whose needs are met with a simple expression of them has no need to manipulate their parents to get their needs met. If the parent is prying them off their legs and then abandoning them when they have expressed the need to be with their parent, then the parent is not meeting the child's need. So, then yes, the child will naturally develop self-protecting mechanisms to try to get their need met.
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07-27-2010, 12:36 PM | #41 | ||||
Rose Garden
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Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
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I also have a problem with you saying that truly shy people are rare. Where are you getting these statistics? What studies have you read that details the difference between the "truly shy" and the fakers? Quote:
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Heather ESFJ T4 Messianic Joshua-13 Christina- 11 Amalia Linda-8.5 Trinity-7 Gabriel-5 w/ADHD, ASD & Dyslexia Taylor Jordan11/15/04 SkyeDakota10/12/05 Life is a pile of good things & bad things The good things don't always soften the bad things but the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things |
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