Countering Spanking Arguments

[ClassicMom]

I'd love to see a thread (maybe make it sticky?) that provides a quick reference to counter the various pro-spanking arguments out there.

I'm in a discussion with a Facebook friend about spanking, and although I know what I believe, explaining it can take some time, especially since I don't know all the scripture references off the top of my head. I know there are a lot of great articles online about it, but I just need a quick reference guide. Maybe it's already on here somewhere?

not exactly what you asked for, but useful.....

http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=29

[charla]

We talked about one particular argument in this thread: http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...d.php?t=383325

[Katigre]

If someone is trying to argue with me about spanking I can go a few different directions (depending on the person involved and their perspective):

1. Beandip them. Arguing often isn't worth my time or energy - I will instead establish an agree-to-disagree boundary by saying something like "I have prayed about this and feel led by the Holy Spirit to parent in XYZ way. I do not want to debate spanking with you - it's not relevant to my life at this time and my choice to not utilize it in my home is firm."

2. Talk about my own heart as a parent - "I desire that any discipline I use with my children encourage their own growth in the fruit of the spirit along with my own character growth. Spanking makes me fall innto perfectionism/controlling attitudes with my children that hinder my ability to disciple them the way Jesus calls me to."

3. Ask them how they believe their method of spanking is biblical: "If you want to interpret the Proverbs on spanking literally, why don't you do it the traditional way by beating older sons on the back with sticks/hands? Why do you care not to leave a bruise - that's nowhere in the text, in fact it talks about leaving bruises! Why do you spank the bottom - that's not in the Bible anywhere . Why do you focus on spanking young children and not teach that teenagers (rebellious teenage boys especially) should be beaten with the rod like Proverbs refers to? I think if you want to be 'spanking biblically' you need to take it literally and do it that way or else it's just a cultural practice dressed up in spiritual language . [FTR, I know people who are living in very traditional Middle Easter culture that has not changed much since Biblical Times. The practice there is that once the boy becomes an adolescent he is beaten by his father for disobedience and doing things that he shouldn't - before that age there is not much done to the children).

4. "I don't believe spanking is commanded in Scripture - I have studied Proverbs, I have studied Hebrews. I believe parents are commanded by God to discipline their children and that means to teach, train, disciple, mentor and guide in how to love God and love other people - how to have healthy relationships all around. God doesn't discipline his own children according to one cookie cutter method and neither should we - he gives us freedom to choose what to implement in our own homes and I believe that for my particular family and children that spanking would not be a helpful tool.

5. Link with the Millstones article - the link seems to be down right now but it is REALLY good, all about how to determine whether spanking would be beneficial or harmful to a child and how to discern that. Here is a copy of the original article


6. Here is an excerpt from a private blog entry I wrote about this topic:

1. I don't want to ever discipline my children in a way that would create a stumbling block to them accepting the Gospel and knowing God - and I believe punitive discipline can definitely do this and create unnecessary spiritual baggage

2. I want my discipline to be good for my children's character growth - not to embitter them as the Bible says we should not, but to help them grow and mature. Punitive discipline can lead to bitterness and I don't want to do that when there are better alternatives available. In addition, I have a child who is very tender hearted - to spank him would drive a rift in our relationship and hurt him emotionally in a way that I don't think would promote character development.

3. I want the discipline I use with my children to be edifying to my own character. If I were to embrace punitive disciplien (spanking specifically), I would fall into perfectoinism toward my children which would do great damage to their development. I want to demonstrate the fruits of the spirit - ALL of them - in the way that I teach my children and spanking would be a hindrance rather than a help in that.

A foundation of God's grace sets me free while punitive parenting would shackle me to my worst character flaws (people pleasing, perfectionism) that I already have to fight against in my personal life and that I don't want polluting my relationship with my children.

[Hermana Linda]

There are a lot of arguments on http://whynottrainachild.com but the counter arguments are pretty much specific to the Pearls.