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Old 10-01-2007, 09:39 PM   #1
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Default Collected Past Posts about Screaming

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Title: screaming 3 yo
Post by: GotMyHeartFull on March 23, 2005, 01:58:37 PM
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my son will be 4 in June. When he gets angry he will scream at the top of his lungs. Over anything. If he gets in trouble, screams. If he can't find something, screams. Even if it is a little thing (to us) and we offer to help with whatever is frustrating him still the same.
Help


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Title: Re: screaming 3 yo
Post by: Radosny Matka on March 23, 2005, 02:13:54 PM
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Nathaniel is allowed to be upset and voice his upset, but he is not allowed to scream at the top of his lungs. If he does, he is brought to his room and told, "You may scream all you like here. When you are done, come get me." When he starts to calm down, I will go get him if he doesn't come out.


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Title: Re: screaming 3 yo
Post by: Joanne on March 23, 2005, 02:17:21 PM
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Let's see. I'll throw out some ideas and you can see what might work for you and his personality.

First, I'd work on coaching him through better anger management. Name his feelings "You are mad", "You are sad" "You are frustrated". Give him appropriate ways to express them. "You may say "Mom, I don't like that." Or designate a safe place for him to stomp his feet 5 times (the limits are important). Or a punching bag.

When he does scream, say "You may be angry. You may not make noise that hurts others." Give him a chance to stop. If he doesn't, move him to a designated "Quieting place".

The "Quieting Place" is a place for him to have freedom within limits. Don't give him an arbitrary imposed time, but leave it up to him to exit the "Quieting Place" when he's calmed down.

Tell him, directly and often that he can not change your mind with loudness. If you *have* in the past given in, you will need to invest even more time "retraining" him. If you've given in before, he might think that his POWER OF VOICE will again change your mind.

Do find appropriate times and places for him to experiement with volume changes.

Check to see if there are too many "no's" in his life. Or too few. Consider changing some of the "No's" to "dangerous!" or "hot!" or "sharp". He's a bit older, so you can also include things like "Impolite", "unkind" and "rude".

Meet his screams with moderate, even understated tones. Take away the power they have to create reaction.

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Title: Re: screaming 3 yo
Post by: Allison on March 23, 2005, 07:53:02 PM
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My 3.5 yr old (4 in August) is apt to scream out of frustration. He doesn't scream when I discipline him gently. When I'm impatient, he screams. Before I leave the room he is in I tell him that he is to come and get me if he needs help with anything. If I don't remind him to ask me for help when he needs it, he will get upset by not being able to work a toy correctly and scream. When he knows that I will help him, he stays calm through his frustration and disappointment.
And then there are times when he's not feeling well--tired, hungry, sick, over stimulated, embarrassed--that he just going to let out how he feels. And that is encouraged. I reflect his feelings and try to get to the bottom of how he's feeling.
Mostly, I find that his behaviour is directly related to mine. If mama isn't happy, no one is happy. It's a lesson I repeat all too often. :-(


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Title: Re: screaming 3 yo
Post by: GotMyHeartFull on March 24, 2005, 07:38:12 AM
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thanks for the tips. I appreciate it.

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Title: screetching
Post by: eoconnel on March 23, 2005, 11:54:58 AM
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Emma has started screetching at the top of lungs. She tends to do it when she wants something and is getting upset. I have tried ignoring it, but she is continuing to do it. What can I do to break her of the habit, if anything?


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Title: Re: screetching
Post by: sadie on March 23, 2005, 12:05:17 PM
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No advice, but dd has started doing the same thing, so I'll be watching for answers.


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Title: Re: screetching
Post by: eoconnel on March 23, 2005, 12:34:49 PM
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I think that Emma is going to break the glass in the windows. Is that how it is with you?


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Title: Re: screetching
Post by: MarynMunchkins on March 23, 2005, 02:00:16 PM
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Colin does this. So far I just whisper "Shh! Quiet voice." or "That's too loud. Use an inside voice."

It hasn't helped but I think it will in the future. They outgrow it.


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Title: Re: screetching
Post by: Joanne on March 23, 2005, 02:26:42 PM
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Give her the words "You want a banana" and teach her baby signs.

And wait. Give the minimum amount of time and attention to screaching.


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Title: Re: screetching
Post by: jujubnme on March 23, 2005, 02:42:44 PM
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Yes, baby signs helped us a lot. Besides giving him words and signs for what he wanted, I also always started by saying, "Say 'Mama'." (Not necessarily waiting for him to repeat, but trying to associate 'Mama' with requests for help.) It did help. My sister did this with her kids too, and we were always a little amused when her dd would point at something, screech, and then very sweetly say, "Mama." Be encouraged; for us this stage didn't last too long.


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Title: Re: screetching
Post by: sadie on March 23, 2005, 02:59:16 PM
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Yes, Elizabeth, she can get pretty loud. I always tell dh, I can't believe someone so little can make such big noises.

I like "say mama." She is getting very verbal and is interested in language, so she will probably pay attention when I say it (fingers crossed that she will understand it in a few months)

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Title: Screaming NO!!!!!!!!
Post by: Close2MyHeart on March 28, 2005, 07:39:53 AM
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My almost 3 yo son has taken to SCREAMING at us whenever we want him to do something he doesn't. Like yesterday at church. I saw that the sermon was wrapping up, so I said "It's almost time to go," and he looked at me and screamed "NO! I don't want to go " and he just kept screaming and threw a toy he was playing with. I took him to pick it up and took him onto my lap and calmed him down a bit and then he was okay with leaving. But it was so embarrassing to have him screaming like that. It was a new church and we don't know anyone there. I could feel the stares I think I handled it okay, but is there anyway to avoid these all together? What should I do?? DH is saying we need to start spanking him for those outbursts and I don't agree, but am at a loss. He can be downright disrespectful and that really bothers me.

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Title: Re: Screaming NO!!!!!!!!
Post by: schoolofmom on March 28, 2005, 09:29:38 AM
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Actually, this thread (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...p?topic=2188.0) might have some suggestions that would help. Strong emotional reactions are pretty typical for a three-year-old.

About this specific situation: maybe you could "play church" at home to teach him what to expect at the end of a service? Since it's a new church, maybe he's reacting to the different setting & change in routine. And, hey, it's cool that he likes being at church so much!

I don't think there's any way to avoid embarrassing moments as a parent altogether. It's a long journey with many many stops in Humiliation Town. Remind your dh that spanking in the heat of embarrassment is not any better than spanking in the heat of anger (if he brings it up again, which maybe he won't since he was still embarrassed when he suggested it).

And You did handle it okay! In fact, you handled it really well!

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Title: Re: Screaming NO!!!!!!!!
Post by: Danette on March 28, 2005, 10:20:45 AM
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I agree Jocelyn.

I remember when my son was that age... I gave him some money for the offering. When the plate was being passed he wouldn't put the money in so I helped him put it in the plate and said the money was for Jesus. He then screamed "Jesus took my money!!" Over and over... I was so embarrassed. It makes me laugh now. I learned from that experience that if a child doesn't want to put money in the plate then just let the plate go on by.

I think to avoid experiences like the one you described that I wouldn't whisper anything to my child if it wasn't the right time for them to answer you back.... At age 3 they don't get that if you whisper they should whisper too.

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Title: Re: Screaming NO!!!!!!!!
Post by: Close2MyHeart on March 28, 2005, 10:37:39 AM
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Thank you Jocelyn!! That other thread did help a lot. And thanks for the encouragment!

ROTFL Danete!! That is hilarious!!! I would have been so embarrassed at the time, but laughed later too!! lol!

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Title: Re: Screaming NO!!!!!!!!
Post by: ArmsOfLove on March 28, 2005, 10:39:09 AM
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that is so funny, Danette

Another thing that helps is giving 5 minute warnings. After doing it for some time I can just hold up my "5" hand and the kids know what that means--it means "finish your ideas, we're about to leave". And at 3 I usually have them "say goodbye" when they don't want to leave--to the pew, the church, people we pass, the floor--whatever they want

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Title: Re: Screaming NO!!!!!!!!
Post by: palil on March 28, 2005, 11:22:13 AM
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Quote
spanking in the heat of embarrassment is not any better than spanking in the heat of anger

Well put. I've seen that expressed many times before, but that's a concise and poignant way to state it.

I think it does help to present it as "pick one more thing you want to do before we leave" or "it's time to start saying goodbye to the toys" in an upbeat voice. My ds still may have a big reaction, but it's short-er lived, and often he will focus on my suggestion rather than on the impending departure.

It can be really embarrassing! When we were at my parents' house this week, ds one was arguing with me and yelling.. stuff that would have earned an immediate spanking when we were growing up. I was just trying to handle it the way I usually do, and avoid making eye contact with my parents in the meantime. I did, however, accidently catch a glimpse of my Mom's face as I was hauling ds away from the dinner table and taking him to the back room. YIKES! I'm sure it was hard for her not to say anything, and I commend her for that, but the look on her face said it all. But you know, I talked to him, had him "practice" expressing his wants in a more respectful way, hugged him, and let him know what kind of behavior I expected when we went back out, and things were fine after that. (He had melted down b/c we were having veggie pizza and it was cut in small squares instead of triangular slices; he had never seen that before) I was proud of how he changed his behavior.

What I did was SO much better than a spanking version of the same scenario. It helps me to imagine the punitive version of whatever I'm doing... There are still big emotions and hurt feelings to deal with.. still crying and wailing... still frustration on the part of the parent (and I can easily imagine it b/c I grew up in a loving, but punitive home, the same as ours would be if I were spanking) The main thing is that there IS a lot of mistrust and fear that remains after the incicent is "finished." When I think of it that way, it makes it a lot easier to deal with the disapproval of other adults. You're doing a wonderful thing for your child.

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Title: Re: Screaming NO!!!!!!!!
Post by: Sara on March 28, 2005, 12:22:40 PM
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I thought you needed help because you were sreaming NO!

Quote from: schoolofmom on March 28, 2005, 09:29:38 AM

Quote:
I don't think there's any way to avoid embarrassing moments as a parent altogether. It's a long journey with many many stops in Humiliation Town.
This was just the laugh I needed today! Thanks!

Oh, Danette! I just read what you wrote - that is too funny! What a funny memory that will be when your little guy is a grown-up with children of his own.

And to the OP, I have nothing helpful to offer, but I do think you handled things just fine. I agree that it isn't possible to completely avoid embarrassing parent moments.

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