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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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01-23-2011, 01:54 PM | #46 | |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 2,685
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
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Melissa Veteran, 1994-2006. MST Survivor, Nov 1996. Child of God since 07/1982. Wife to Bryan, my best friend and retired soldier, since 06/2014. Mom to DD (02/1998), DS1 (08/2006), and DS2 (01/2009). Two w/Jesus (05/2001) and (12/2004). Stepmom to DSD (06/2007) and DSS (04/2009). |
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01-29-2011, 02:09 PM | #47 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nyssa, Oregon (southeastern part of the state)
Posts: 6,020
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
ITA...Could someone go back 30 years and talk to me back then?
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wife for 40 years to dear hubby-pastor and retired Navy chaplain mom to DS & DD (Amber) now grown, to Dixie Lee, a 3 yr old French Brittany, Magnolia (Maggie), 4 month old French Brittany and gramma to 4 wonderful grandBOYS and 1 foster granddaughter |
The Following User Says Thank You to QuiltinGramma For This Useful Post: | Maggirayne (02-16-2011) |
02-11-2011, 12:28 PM | #48 |
Rose Trellis
Struggling with life
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Where the grass grows green
Posts: 1,972
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
My oldest is very strong willed and an explosive child. Her asperger's and other issues (waiting to find out what all they are!) mean that if I were to go with adversarial parenting (and honestly, I tried it because I'm out of tools...it didn't work), I'd be hitting her nonstop. She doesn't respond to punishment or rewards, she just IS nonstop hard to be around. In fact, as a result of my punitive parenting trial out of desperation, she walks around every time she knows she's in trouble (which honestly is a lot) screaming "Don't hit me!" and I feel terrible. I haven't hit her in months but it is something she is now afraid of even though it didn't actually change the behavior for the better.
Gentle discipline with my other children is an effective tool. It takes a lot of work, there's no doubt about it. It's proactive parenting not reactive most of the time (which I struggle with a lot especially when I'm tired and worn out like now). I'm sure punitive parenting may have results with my kids, too, but why take myself down that road? I was abused when I was younger, I know I have the potential of abuse in myself because of anger problems I struggle with. I don't want to cross a line at any point with a normal or strong willed child because I can't control myself. So I take it out of the equation as an option.
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Mom to Dinosaur Girl 12; Princess 10; Buddy 8; Squeakers 6; & Mr Man 4, Stepmom to Cowgirl 6!
One in the arms of Jesus 9/18/12 and a second January 2013 |
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02-11-2011, 02:40 PM | #49 | |
Rose Garden
Taking one day at a time...
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Far from home...
Posts: 4,129
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
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My girls dd '08, and dd '12 Married to my best friend '03 Love to and to DH In case you're wondering...I'm an ENFJ
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02-16-2011, 12:38 PM | #50 | ||
Rose Garden
Standing for gentleness and honesty
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Looking for Hope
Posts: 12,027
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
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I just read in Boundaries, "Your yes is not a true yes unless you can say no." Paraphrase b/c E is waiting for me to play with her. Pg 106 or 108.
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Maggi, Tw irler of the Umbrella of Silliness
Mama to two sweet littles and 3 angels 12/4/11 10/7/13 12/8/13 Grace is not a destination, it's a journey. I first learned to show grace to my child that was not shown to me, then I learned to accept it for myself, and only recently have I been able to have grace for others more. ~Sweetpeasmommy A |
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02-17-2011, 05:38 PM | #51 | |
Rose Garden
I stand before you, DeFrocked!!
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Qontinuum
Posts: 11,537
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
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GBD is a necessity for Maximus, not just the 'best' plan. I believe his problems would have gotten much much worse, if not for me laying down my weapons and declaring peace.
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This is me- and them- ds 'Maximus'- 7.5 yrs, and ds 'Minimus'- 5 yrs. "A normal, imperfect, LUMPEN human being!!" Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. and yet, one day Love himself barged into the Temple with a bullwhip and declared enough was enough. I will testify to Love. |
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02-20-2011, 10:10 PM | #52 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nyssa, Oregon (southeastern part of the state)
Posts: 6,020
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
I like that...."declaring peace"
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wife for 40 years to dear hubby-pastor and retired Navy chaplain mom to DS & DD (Amber) now grown, to Dixie Lee, a 3 yr old French Brittany, Magnolia (Maggie), 4 month old French Brittany and gramma to 4 wonderful grandBOYS and 1 foster granddaughter |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to QuiltinGramma For This Useful Post: | Peridot (02-21-2011), Tasmanian Saint (02-21-2011) |
02-24-2011, 02:05 AM | #53 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northwest of Orlando.
Posts: 6,732
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
When we became parents, I was of a punitive mindset while my husband was a of a GD mindset. He asked that we parent gently and, in the name of WOS (another mindset I held at the time), I obeyed him. I was quite sure my husband would change his tune right around the time our son turned two. It's laughable to me now to think about that. I really thought I had God on my side.
So Benji was about 18 months, maybe a little younger before I really began to feel like I needed to talk my husband outta this gentle discipline thing sooner rather than later. At that time, Benji had a thing for getting to the computer cables. I'd pick him up, move him away, tell him no-touch aaaand five seconds later he'd be at it again. It was maddening. One day I literally counted how many times I repeated this scenario with our son and when my husband came home from work, I confronted him with the outrageous number. I told him that talking to and scolding our son just wasn't working. He was too young to understand. I concluded that it was necessary to spank if I ever wanted my boundaries to be respected. I'll never forget what happened next. We got in the car and went to the home building store--not to buy a yardstick but to find a simple cabinet for the computers. When we got home, Jason put the computers in the cabinet and secured the cords that ran from the backs of the computer towers to the monitors and keyboards out of sight behind the desk. Next he took a short ethernet cable that was brightly colored and let our son play with it. The short cable satisfied my son's curiosity and gave me something to redirect him to but he no longer messed with the computer cables anyway because he couldn't! They were out of his reach and stayed that way until he had the maturity to be around them safely. My husband showed me how to enforce my boundaries with my children without using violence. It was a huge paradigm shift. |
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02-24-2011, 05:06 AM | #54 |
Deactivated
Beware the gorgon, she's having a bad hair day
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: DFW area
Posts: 54,024
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
Ashley-- you have a keeper there.
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02-24-2011, 10:03 AM | #55 | ||
Administrator
"air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 51,861
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
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What an amazing testimony. If you blog it, let me know so I can link to it.
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My pages: Why Not Train A Child? and the FB Page as well as @WhyNotTrain on Twitter Read about how my husband was Pulled From The River By God |
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02-24-2011, 01:48 PM | #56 |
Rose Garden
Taking one day at a time...
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Far from home...
Posts: 4,129
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
Wow, MountainAsh! You DO have a keeper!
My DH is from a similar mindset, and I was the one prior to pregnancy (we were married for 5 years before DD came along) who believed in children manipulating, etc. I'll never forget when I was 8.5 months pregnant, sitting outside in the hot summer sun telling DH that I was fully convinced Babywise was the "thing to do" and I wouldn't let my kid control me. Lol. DH was just finishing up his undergrad work in Human Development/Family Studies and was totally not convinced. Thank God for wonderful husbands, huh?
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My girls dd '08, and dd '12 Married to my best friend '03 Love to and to DH In case you're wondering...I'm an ENFJ
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02-24-2011, 01:53 PM | #57 |
Rose Garden
Bringing wacky back
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 9,730
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
Ashley, that is so amazing and cool!
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Mom to dd 2006, and a number of angel babies "You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of dust You make beautiful things out of us You make things new You are making me new" - Gungor |
02-24-2011, 01:56 PM | #58 | ||
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northwest of Orlando.
Posts: 6,732
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
Lol. I know. I love that God plays into my ironic sense of humor and does things like that in my life. It's like God's version of playful parenting.
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02-24-2011, 07:13 PM | #59 | |
Deactivated
Peace be with you.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: the sweet sunny south
Posts: 15,346
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
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02-25-2011, 08:41 AM | #60 | |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,407
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Re: Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline
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Partaker of the Eternal Fountain of Coffee and Perpetual Provider of Magic Milk My blog:Dulce de leche 13 years with Mi Amado Dd ~ 1/04 Ds ~ 1/06 Dd ~ 6/08 Dd ~ 7/10 |
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