The problem with book disclaimers...

[BlessedBlue]

So, this has been bugging me since before I had children. And I thought this would be a great forum for discussion.

My family of origin has 1 handicapped child and all 4 of us were very, very different. There is no way that a one-size-fits-all parenting approach would have been successful for any of us.

So, in many of the "biblical" parenting guru books, there is often found a disclaimer that their method of parenting might not be best used on a child with disability or health issues. You know, the standard bit that they feel compelled to write in case the text is misused or applied inappropriately.

But (and now I speak as a parent of children with diagnoses that highlight how they think differently) how does a brand new parent know ahead of time that the book they are reading will not apply to their child? Kids don't come with a piece of paper that states

This brand new child will have a diagnosis of autism by the age of 3.

or

This child will be diagnosed with a disease.

So, a parent could be trying very hard to "follow the book" and "do it right" and be so focused on method that the uniqueness of their child is lost. I have heard so many stories of parents who after having such a difficult time parenting their child discover that the child is, in fact, deaf, or does indeed have mental issues. The parent then feels tremendous guilt - "If only I had known that I would have never tried to parent them this way." In more stringent households, a diagnosis is never found - because the parent tries to discipline the health issue out of the child for their entire childhood.

So I guess I want to discuss how to raise awareness of this particular flaw in most parenting advice. How can we educate new parents? Is there anything that can be done?