Random Quotes from Wise Mamas |
br>
|
Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
09-18-2014, 07:22 AM | #1 |
Rose Garden
My kid shoots laser beams from his hands
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,900
|
Cried even in my sleep last night
I really don't know why I had such an extreme reaction. I was at church and in the room I was in about 5 feet from me there were three teenagers talking about Adrian Peterson and they were defending him. They kept calling it a spanking so I asked if they had seen the pictures. They said no and I described what happened. I also stated that I don't agree with spanking but I don't judge those that do but this was not a spanking. One kind of rolled his eyes at me for interrupting and then said "now don't go getting offended about what I'm going to say. ". He then went on to defending hitting with a switch, blamed the boy for moving around during the hitting and said this is what black people do. I felt sadder and sadder listening to them but I didn't say anything. Then he said something like "anyone who was spanked as a kid knows it's fine" and continued on with the same babble about it's good for kids, I'm glad my parents spammed me etc. I said "I was spanked and I don't think it's ok" etc. he looked at me says "O-kaaaaaaay-y" and something else I don't remember that basically meant "no one asked you, now get lost". I apologized for butting in and left. I ended up bawling. I get mad when adults talk like that but I had hope that the next generation would be different. They aren't. I cried my eyes out telling my kids why I don't believe in hitting kids. They didn't know what to say lol I think I ruined the night. Then all night long I dreamed I was hanging out with the duggars and cried the whole time. I'm so weird.
I feel like it's hopeless. People who believe in hitting kids just have such a sad view of children even though I know they love them. I just can't stand it. If I hit your kid it's a crime, if you hit your kid it's a private family matter. |
The Following User Says Thank You to Mother of Sons For This Useful Post: | LovingMummy (11-22-2014) |
The Following 10 Users Say they are praying for Mother of Sons: | ArmsOfLove (09-19-2014), backtobasicsmum (09-18-2014), CelticJourney (09-18-2014), graciousmomma (09-18-2014), homesteadmama (09-24-2014), Rivendell Raven (09-18-2014), Snugglebugmom (09-23-2014), Virginia (09-24-2014), zak (09-29-2014), Zooey (09-18-2014) |
09-18-2014, 07:50 AM | #2 |
Administrator
"air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 51,818
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
Posted from my mobile phone by Tapatalk
__________________
My pages: Why Not Train A Child? and the FB Page as well as @WhyNotTrain on Twitter Read about how my husband was Pulled From The River By God |
09-18-2014, 08:09 AM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,921
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
Teenagers still have a lot of time to mature and change their thinking. And speaking with you might be what sparks change in coming years. I look back from the ripe old age of 35 and want to shake my teen self for some of my nutty views. Have hope for these kids
|
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to MegMarch For This Useful Post: | 3PeasInAPod (09-19-2014), bentlaj11 (09-18-2014), FaithnPraise (09-18-2014), graciousmomma (09-18-2014), HadassahSukkot (09-19-2014), homesteadmama (09-24-2014), MercyInDisguise (09-19-2014), mommylove (10-07-2014), rjy9343 (09-22-2014), Virginia (09-24-2014) |
09-18-2014, 08:29 AM | #4 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,452
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
When I was a teen / before I was a parent, I remember spouting a pro-spanking opinion a few times myself. I was just parroting what I had learned from my parents, and never had any real contradictory perspectives given. Minds can change. Maybe you planted a seed so that they will remember that there are some Christians who don't believe you have to spank your kids.
__________________
INTJ-with-feelings
Wife to ISFP Computer Guy (2003) Mommy to: Creative, Thinking Boy (04/2008) Spunky Little Lady (08/2010) Snuggle-bug Sweetie (09/2014) |
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to ReadingMommy For This Useful Post: | FaithnPraise (09-18-2014), HadassahSukkot (09-19-2014), homesteadmama (09-24-2014), LikeQuietDreams (10-07-2014), marbles (09-24-2014), MaybeGracie (09-18-2014), MercyInDisguise (09-19-2014), mommylove (10-07-2014), Rivendell Raven (09-18-2014), Soliloquy (09-18-2014), Virginia (09-24-2014) |
09-18-2014, 09:06 AM | #5 |
Rose Garden
Some Cal/Mag will probably fix that.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: catching up on the laundry
Posts: 41,294
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
peace for your heart and growth in wisdom for theirs.
As a teenager, I would wish aloud that my mother would have spanked me. She didn't. She did, however, utilize shame like a weapon of mass destruction. I couldn't articulate at the time why I thought it was wrong or why I thought spanking would have been better. I would have been an articulate kid and could easily have made someone trying to make a counterpoint cry. Praise God that in His mercy, He showed me so many more tools in the years between then and now.
__________________
allisonintx Wife to Stephen Mother to Elizabeth 19, Andrew 17, Abigail 14 & Evelyn 12 Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the world. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home. . . . . . . . |
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to allisonintx For This Useful Post: |
09-18-2014, 09:54 AM | #6 |
Rose Bush
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 493
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
I think for teens and even many adults, it's just easier to rationalize what happened to you than to confront your past. It *has* to be okay to spank/switch/whatever a child because it would be too painful and take to much work to consider otherwise. I'm not sure what makes some people willing and able to do that work and not others, but I'm so thankful to have changed my views since I was a teen.
But that would have totally tore me up to witness that conversation too.
__________________
Elyse ISTJ - DYT 4/1 Wife to my highschool sweetheart Mommy to: V-age 6 M -age 3.5
|
09-18-2014, 10:12 AM | #7 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: just exactly where I should be
Posts: 6,741
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
I'm sorry, mama. At least you spoke up, though. I probably would have shuddered and walked away.
I was pro-spanking up until the first time I thought I might need to spank my son for a misbehavior. Then, I just couldn't do it. It seemed so barbaric. You've given those teens something to think about, even if they aren't receptive to it now.
__________________
Allison Blessed mother of my three sons: 22, 20, 18 Grateful for GCM since 2004 |
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Allison For This Useful Post: |
09-18-2014, 11:00 AM | #8 |
Rose Bouquet
Pressing towards the mark
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Hampton
Posts: 895
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
I agree. I think planting a seed is very worth it. I was pro spanking and I only got hit a handful of times as a child. Most people respond to new info with distrust, especially if it challenges a deeply held belief
|
09-18-2014, 12:20 PM | #9 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,362
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
I may have seen this script for such encounters here:
"Well, I was spanked and I turned out just fine." "No, you didn't. You think hitting kids is OK."
__________________
Wife to John, December 18, 1999 ~ Mother to Sophia, March 13, 2004 ~ Mother to Eva, June 10, 2006 ~ Mother to Matthew, December 21, 2009 ~ Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will lift me up. |
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to jenny_islander For This Useful Post: | BlissfullyEsther (09-22-2014), FarmMama (09-18-2014), HadassahSukkot (09-19-2014), homesteadmama (09-24-2014), joyinthejourney (09-29-2014), melliethepooh (09-18-2014), MercyInDisguise (09-19-2014), rjy9343 (09-22-2014), Snugglebugmom (09-23-2014), Soliloquy (09-18-2014), Tasmanian Saint (10-10-2014), Virginia (09-24-2014), Zooey (09-18-2014) |
09-18-2014, 12:22 PM | #10 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: ..
Posts: 10,737
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
I think I was probably most pro-spanking when I was a teenager. You're witnessing how culture gets passed through the generations. People love their parents and it's hard to face that their parents would cause them pain when they didn't need to. For all their counter-cultural reputation, teens can have a strongly conformist streak to them.
__________________
DS (12), DD (10), DD2 (7) And my kids were going to behave perfectly all the time and if they didn't, they'd be Dobsoned, but I was going to Dobson so perfectly that they'd know not to slip up but once or twice because I was going to be sooooooo consistent and awesome and wise. |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ThreeKids For This Useful Post: | Elyse221 (09-19-2014), LearningMama (09-24-2014) |
09-18-2014, 04:01 PM | #11 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Eastern CA
Posts: 9,119
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
You planted a seed. Those teenagers might have their own kids in 5 or 10 years, and they might remember that you are someone they can go to for different advice than their parents are giving.
I would have said the same things as a teen, but things change when you actually have kids.
__________________
~Emily INTJ, Type 4 Wife to D Mama to: E 12/05 L 7/08 Z 12/10 A 6/14 and J in heaven 2/10 Torah Keeping, Unschooling Family My blog on unschooling and family life: Peace On Dark Nights. |
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to saturnfire16 For This Useful Post: | ArmsOfLove (09-19-2014), HadassahSukkot (09-19-2014), Hermana Linda (09-18-2014), homesteadmama (09-24-2014), Leslie (09-20-2014), mommychem (09-19-2014), Soliloquy (09-18-2014), Zooey (09-18-2014) |
09-18-2014, 04:13 PM | #12 |
Rose Garden
Why climb a mountain? Because it's there!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Selkirk Mountains
Posts: 52,860
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
Nodding along with what everyone else posted. The hardest part of that situation is that it WASN'T spanking, it was far worse. |
09-19-2014, 01:44 AM | #13 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
I was talking with my mom about the Matt Walsh blog comments on Facebook - so many exactly like what the teenagers you overheard were saying - and I was saying that even if you believe that spanking is required, necessary, it should be something that turns your stomach and that you never want to do. The way people defend it, and take pleasure in it, and laugh about it, and mock those who don't . . . I will never understand it It is truly evidence of how broken humanity is
__________________
|
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to ArmsOfLove For This Useful Post: | Hermana Linda (09-19-2014), LearningMama (09-24-2014), mom23sons (10-27-2014), mommychem (09-19-2014), rjy9343 (09-22-2014), saturnfire16 (09-19-2014), Tasmanian Saint (10-10-2014), Zooey (09-21-2014) |
09-22-2014, 10:42 AM | #14 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 10,090
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
I wish I could tell my teenage self to just shut up already, there is no reason for people see your ignorance.
People like you planted and watered seeds that caused me to gently parent my daughter. People like you are the reason Ivy does not get spanked or punished. Words like yours made me look for a better way. Even if those kids did not hear it now, they will later when they have an actual child. Theoretical children are light years from the children you have.
__________________
Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook |
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to rjy9343 For This Useful Post: | graciousmomma (09-22-2014), homesteadmama (09-24-2014), LearningMama (09-24-2014), MegMarch (09-22-2014), ReadingMommy (09-22-2014), saturnfire16 (09-23-2014) |
09-23-2014, 05:54 PM | #15 |
Rose Garden
Srsly?
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: DFW
Posts: 24,442
|
Re: Cried even in my sleep last night
__________________
Heather (ISTJ) working full time, wife to Jason since '02, mom to C 12 years old, J 9 years old , and T 6 years old , mouse catching, Izzy, and rabbit chasing, Ellie. |
Bookmarks |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information | |
---|---|
|
|
More Information | |
Template Usage:
Phrase Groups Available:
|
Included Files:
Hooks Called:
|