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07-17-2017, 12:06 PM | #16 |
Deactivated
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 14,962
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
I think I started explaining introvert/extrovert and the concept of needing to recharge when A was around age seven and she really seemed to grasp it around age nine. Now,I can just tell her that I'm feeling drained or "I need quiet so I can be inside my own head." And she stops talking for awhile.
Reading is a great way for me to connect with my kids,be around them and they can hear my voice. What Katigre's said |
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07-17-2017, 01:18 PM | #17 | |
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
Quote:
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Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19 |
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07-17-2017, 04:50 PM | #18 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 16,748
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
I can't remember how old your DD was when she was removed from long-term foster home? Anxiety possible.
The Turnaround Anti-anxiety program is fantastic. I can't recommend enough. If questions are anxiety-related, that program will help.
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ENFp Wife who is thankful to be in love....17 years Homeschooling Mom of three....15 DD dancer and 12 DS mountain biker and 5 DD calico critter and dolly mommy 12/2014 8/2015 11/2015 9/2016 |
07-17-2017, 06:53 PM | #19 |
Rose Garden
love~joy~peace
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 9,343
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
As a 1/2 myself I can relate. sometimes I feel like the need to be with people and the need to have space to be in my own thoughts and headspace are in conflict with each other. And I don't know if you are a highly sensitive person like I am (HSP) but I find that certain things like kids fighting and nagging questions really push a physical reaction/sensitivity within me and I just get overloaded. It's a physical and emotional limit thing.
I love all the suggestions everyone gave. I love that you are looking for solutions and realize the place that you are in, I really admire that! One more thought I had, since I am a preschool teacher, is can you do a visual chart? Like pictures of everything that your family does during the day, and maybe start the morning out as a family putting your day in order so that your kids can refer back to it during the day if they're needing that extra reassurance of what the day holds. I remember as a kid being so love starved, but yet not feeling safe enough to share my true feelings and thoughts about things (my opinion was not ok) that I would literally sit and read the back of a cereal box to my mom, just to be heard. I'm sure I drove her nuts lol.
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Warmly, Susie ISFJ & DYT 1 & Enneagram 9 ❀married to my sweetie for 26 years ❀mom to Lizzie 24 and Eli 20 |
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07-17-2017, 07:22 PM | #20 | |
Rose Garden
An Enneagram 7 type 1/2 ENTP
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
Thank you for every comment, even though I'm not responding to all of them. Really, they are each so helpful.
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H and I have talked a lot today about conversation skills and ways to ask open-ended questions that provoke conversation rather than just simple answer questions that don't lead anywhere. She's loving talking about it with me, and is very excited to learn these skills. She's started reading Speak Up and Get Along, and was telling me things she's learning from it. I've also framed the conversations as trying to help them be ready to start at a "real" school in a few weeks and they are very excited about school so they were very excited to find a few books that would help them make friends. We are really making efforts to connect with each of the kids in ways that we'd been neglecting lately. It's been refreshing to wake up to all of this and start making efforts to improve.
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Stacy here!
Enjoying my Complementarian marriage to Mr. Hutch since May 20, 2006 Blessed Mama of Miss H (16), Mr Big J (15), Miss T (14), Mr Little J (11), & Mr A (7) Missing three I will meet in Heaven (Feb 2012), (Apr 2016) & (Jun 2020) "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." -Legally Blonde |
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07-18-2017, 02:57 AM | #21 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2007
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
If you are wanting to work on conversation skillls could you set up a time in your day? Like a tea time? During that time focus on manners and conversation? Shooting from the hip here. I know we had to teach my oldest conversation skills and to stop with all the questions
I do want to say that some of the questions your children are asking are security questions. That's what we called them. Questions that were a clue to the emotional state of ou children. We would get questions like repeated "what's next?""what are we doing tonight?" "What time did you go to bed?" "When did dad leave?" "When will he be home?" And all other variations of that kind told us our children were feeling insecure whether we had a big transition, we fell out of their expected routine, or that kind of thing. It is still a sign now that they are older that they are trying to manage unsettled feelings. |
07-18-2017, 06:32 AM | #22 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 7,321
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
Quote:
Maybe I need to spin, but I would love to hear tips on how to deal with his feeling insecure or how to help him manage unsettled feelings. The questions haven't gotten to the point where they bug me--or maybe they do but with mom brain I haven't put that together.
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~Amy~ married to Mr. Wonderful (2005) DS1 - 2007 DS2 - 2010 DD - April 2017 "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9 |
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07-18-2017, 07:57 AM | #23 |
Rose Garden
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
I don't have anything valuable to add, but I wanted to say I am finding this thread very helpful. Thank you for starting it!
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A, Mother of Dancing Diva, 21 Boy Wonder 19, Mr. Cool 15, and Ninja 13 Sunshine, 11, and 8 year old Joy
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07-18-2017, 08:13 AM | #24 |
Rosebud
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
Hi Mrs hutch, I admire your honesty and courage to express your struggle and it's inspiring to hear you look for ways to develop your child's conversation skills.
Communication is something I'm focusing on for my 2.9 year old. I was raised in a codependent home with very poor communication and I need to learn healthy ways of communicating with my son. I'd be interested to know of any resources you find. I too struggle with the constant need my boy has of me, a friend said to me its like they drain all the life out of you so they can live and that feels like how it is at this age. But from what you share this need of you is constant. I try to use chunking, which is spending 10 minutes focused time with him and then have 5 minutes or so doing what I like. I guess we need to plug ourselves into the Holy Spirit every morning before the day begins to get the strength we need and the Father's love to keep us feeling good enough. Sent from my F3111 using Tapatalk |
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07-18-2017, 10:28 AM | #25 |
Rose Garden
Why climb a mountain? Because it's there!
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
We focus on conversation skills at dinner.
Ears before mouth. (Make sure no one else is talking before you speak.) Look at the person who is talking. Think about what they're saying. Etc |
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07-18-2017, 01:46 PM | #26 |
Rose Garden
Even if you can't see them or hear them at all, a person's a person, no matter how small!
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Wakefield, UK
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
I'm bullet pointing as I'm "on the run"
* I second the security questions. If at all possible, post a schedule of both meals and activities * Questions are a way to connect. Children the age of yours are just learning the art of give and take in converstation. They connect by asking you questions. * Being taken away from bio parents at 6 months is still a severe disruption of an important bond. Even taken at birth can cause attachment disorders (not saying s/he has an attachment disorder, just stating what is known) *your children have an extra need to have a present parent. Boundaries and setting expectations can help: "I will talk to you now for ten minutes and answer all your questions. After that I need to do xyz and need to concentrate on that, so can't talk to you. You'll need to find something else to do then. When I'm finished, at xx time, we can talk and cuddle/read a book/watch a programme together/ etc" *high anxiety triggers are moving house (just happened and in the future for you guys), moving jobs (just happened), loss (I guess they left friends behind?) etc. This has been HARD for all of you. You need to look after yourself so you can look after them. Make space for you, so you have space for them *lastly: Huge hugs. We can do hard things <3 And you are doing them well. Still praying for you all |
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07-19-2017, 06:15 AM | #27 | |
Rose Bouquet
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
Quote:
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Wife to one very sweet hubby since '06. he frequently makes me Momma to three fabulous girls 11 yrs 9 yrs and 7 yrs And Momma to my boy Baby T 4yrs! Miss K 3 weeks Pls excuse the typos since I typically post from my phone. |
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07-19-2017, 06:25 AM | #28 |
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My kiddos
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
I just wanted to share a resource- Karyn Purvis and TBRI. It is a connection based approach to dealing with trauma/adoption. Your move may bring to the surface trauma- and I know you want the best tools to help .
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Kathy , INFJ Loving Wife to Hubby since 8/97 Mama to Dink 12/06 Link 7/07 Wink 3/10 Pink 12/10 and Tink 5/16 Remembering |
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07-19-2017, 06:55 AM | #29 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 26,473
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
I think it is ok to to set up boundaries in a way that the older ones can understand.Like asking questions while you are trying to cook or do other things doesn't work and you need them to wait until you can focus and really think about their questions.You may need to actually set up times during the day and call it a circle time or something where you sit and focus and they can ask away or tell you things
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07-19-2017, 11:10 AM | #30 | ||
Rose Garden
An Enneagram 7 type 1/2 ENTP
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Location: Malawi!
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Re: Teach kids to stop asking questions?
Quote:
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This little move to a place we love and where we are surrounded by support and friends has been great practice for next summer when the move will be much bigger and harder.
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Stacy here!
Enjoying my Complementarian marriage to Mr. Hutch since May 20, 2006 Blessed Mama of Miss H (16), Mr Big J (15), Miss T (14), Mr Little J (11), & Mr A (7) Missing three I will meet in Heaven (Feb 2012), (Apr 2016) & (Jun 2020) "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." -Legally Blonde |
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