As a 1/2 myself I can relate. sometimes I feel like the need to be with people and the need to have space to be in my own thoughts and headspace are in conflict with each other. And I don't know if you are a highly sensitive person like I am (HSP) but I find that certain things like kids fighting and nagging questions really push a physical reaction/sensitivity within me and I just get overloaded. It's a physical and emotional limit thing.
I love all the suggestions everyone gave. I love that you are looking for solutions and realize the place that you are in, I really admire that!
One more thought I had, since I am a preschool teacher, is can you do a visual chart? Like pictures of everything that your family does during the day, and maybe start the morning out as a family putting your day in order so that your kids can refer back to it during the day if they're needing that extra reassurance of what the day holds.
I remember as a kid being so love starved, but yet not feeling safe enough to share my true feelings and thoughts about things (my opinion was not ok) that I would literally sit and read the back of a cereal box to my mom, just to be heard. I'm sure I drove her nuts lol.