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Old 04-28-2012, 11:10 AM   #10
Petie
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Default Re: Mixed reactions to discipline

Quote:
Originally Posted by bolt. View Post
If your kids think it is a fun silly game -- if it is not intended to humiliate, and does not humiliate them, and if it's not physically uncomfortable... well I just don't see why anyone else's opinion of how 'they' would feel doing that should matter.

But with the ages of your kids it might be time to begin transitioning, perhaps saying, "Hands on your heads -or- behind your back" (then they would still choose head for as long as it's fun for them, but can choose their own transition to a more dignified self-control tool.

Also, with the ages of your kids, when were you considering starting to allow them to touch things at the grocery store? (They seem well past the age where they are likely to tear packaging, crumple or bruise the things they touch.) Or letting them pass through the candy section and wait for you at the end of the check-out?

Honestly, I don't mind if they touch certain things, like as someone else said, towels, things of this nature. But when we are in the store and I have four children (OK well the 15 yr. old not so much) all grabbing a bag of cereal asking for it, it gets overwhelming, that is usually when they have to put their hands up. At which point, I usually explain how much cereal we are getting and what kinds are acceptable. The 10 yr. old never has to do it anymore, he's not one to grab and touch things alot. Lala has ADHD and often doesn't even think before the hands move to something, and honestly still doesn't think that if it's breakable I shouldn't slam it around. We're working on it, but not sure when she'll get more reliable with things like that. The 6 yr. old usually only has trouble with the checkout lane, because that's usually when he starts grabbing at the candy and saying, "please???"


With that said, I'm not placing a number age for when this stops. It will be when they figure out what's appropriate and what's not. The problem isn't that I don't allow them to stand at the end of the checkout, it's that they don't want to. I also give them each things to get at the store. So, for instance, Simon is usually in charge of picking out the fruits. Lala usually gets bread. Justin and Gavin are given parts of a list and get those things. So it is very interactive. I don't mind them touching, as much as I mind them all touching at once, all handing me things to ask "please", and all getting upset when I say no. So sometimes it's just easier to ensure that they aren't touching the things that will tempt them to beg. Or of course, there's the curiosity factor. In some stores, if there is a section with kitchen gadgets, the two littles tend to grab out of curiosity, then I get 20,000 questions of "what's this?" "do we need this?" "is this what's your looking for?" It gets to be more than I can handle so it's easier for me if they just don't touch at those times.


Quote:
My opinion-that's not a consequence in the sense that most would consider. It's a distraction to help them succeed at not touching. It's kind of like a game. I think it's a good solution. If they're having fun and learning not to touch things, great!

If they were embarrassed, it wouldn't be ok IMO.

I generally have my dd play a game with me of some sort in the store. "find three objects that begin with letter m and say their name" etc
Definitely, which is why the older two don't do this. It's the littles that do, and they still see it as a funny game. If it ever becomes viewed by them as anything but that, then I would come up with something different.

---------- Post added at 11:10 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:01 AM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetCaroline View Post
i have my littles put their hands in their pockets if they are having trouble controlling them

or if there are no pockets- you can fold your arms.

and if you cant quit verbally antagonizing your brother in the car..you put your hand over your mouth. i save that for the car though.

not sure about the hands on the head its kinda the same- but in the store, its so noticable..it could feel embarrasing. im sure your point is not to embarrass ..but to keep stuff from getting broken, right? try the pockets.

You just made me sit here and try to figure out why I don't do the "fold your arms" or "put them in your pockets" and I figured it out.

OK, so I was raised by a man who spent 22 yrs. in the Army, then I joined, then I married a man in the Army. You can't walk around with your hands in your pockets. It's considered unacceptable. I was raised that way and I still see walking with your hands in your pocket as disrespectful (my baggage, I know). I also see crossing your arms as a defensive posture. When children are upset with what you tell them, they tend to cross their arms and glare. That's because, arms crossed in front of you is a nonverbal sign that you are defensive and no longer listening.

Plus, I would have trouble turning that into a fun game, probably because of the baggage I have attached to those postures.
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