[mellymommy]

This is about CTBHHM, not parenting...but I think that the previous can lead into the latter and cause more damage.

I visited my old church while I was in Ohio last week and found that an older, "respected" woman in the church is teaching CTBHHM. Here is the letter I wrote to the pastor:

Pastor S, I have been fighting writing this. I've wanted to say "not my business anymore" and go on with my life. But, I can not escape the unease of my spirit that I believe is the Lord prompting me to do something difficult and uncomfortable but important. So, here I go...

While I was in BG I stayed with TT. T is one of my favorite people on the planet and I know her very well. I know her heart to please God and see L walking with Him, too. She shared with me some advice given to her by Grandma N. that ALARMED me. Advice to drink alcohol when her husband wanted her to, even though she had heard clearly from the Lord NOT to drink any more. Advice NEVER to discuss anything spiritual with him. Advice to "manipulate" (T's word, not N's) him with sex to get him to do more work/be closer to God/be happier. Advice to do anything "short of murder" if he asks her to. Then I heard about the book Grandma N is teaching from, Created to be his Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.

This is a DANGEROUS book. I am happy to expound on my allegation and provide proof from the text, if you like. In short, the book claims that a husband's happiness, spiritual health, and leadership ability are 100% in the hands of the wife. This book also advocates the constant exposure of abused children to their abuser (when the husband is the abuser). Furthermore, the author promotes women avoiding friendship with other women because it can too easily become "more." I could go on and on but won't yet.

The pastors of our church family in California (Tom and Sue Gaddis, Foursquare pastors for many, many, many years; they are highly respected in Foursquare and Sue has written quite a few books and is sought after as a minister and speaker) made a statement from the pulpit AGAINST this book when it came out years ago. Sue and Tom believe this book to be unbalanced and find Debi's interpretation of Scripture to be flawed. I asked Sue's permission to quote them and she encouraged me to do so and to speak against this book.

This book does have a few moments of wisdom but on the whole it is dangerous and sets women and children up for abuse and sets a husband up for spiritual lameness. Again, I can expound on this with information from the text, if you like.

Pastor S, I don't want to "stir a turd", as my dad would say. But I feel strongly enough about the dangers of this book that I am willing to cause a stink. I know that you have to field complaints from your congregation on a regular basis and I NEVER wanted to join them. I love Dayspring and respect you greatly.

Melody