[TulipMama]

I think it unfortunate that the Pearl materials are so similar to the Ezzo materials in that they use scare tactics in order to get parents to believe that there is this one right way to do things. They both like to use lots of examples of really "bratty" children that aren't being raised using their own methods. People adopt Pearl's methods in that same all-encompassing way that they implement Ezzo's methods.

I believe this is an accurate observation.

And, for all the families that seem peaceful with well-behaved children and mothers who are always calm--well, praise God! I believe that Pearl parents (like Ezzo parents) truly love their children and want the best for them--they've just been led into ideas that are ultimately harmful to the family.

I've known many mothers who are using Pearl-esque methods who are really struggling, and keep swatting more and more, "ambushing" and setting themselves up to have an adversial mindset--and it isn't "working." They are told that if it isn't "working" that it is their fault for not being "consistent" and the problem is always with THEM, the mother--not the method or their child not being the right "fit" for it. I've known mothers who started out being very calm with the training swats and big spankings, who were conditioned to have that as the only training tool--and when anger manifested they started spanking in anger in a way anyone would consider abusive. I really believe that the Pearl methods lead to a lot of well-intentioned child abuse in Christian families, from mothers who dearly love their children and would never want to abuse them.

And I've seen plenty of children who have grown up in homes like this (I knew a lot when I was younger, and have seen them come of age) who have rebelled, rejected their families, rejected their faith--because they were rejecting the controlling way they were raised. And I know children from Pearl families who haven't--who outwardly have done all the "right" things (courtship, staying in church, super conservative themselves, etc)--but they are still struggling with perfectionism, internalizing their faith, and understanding God's grace and the Gospel.

Anyway. . . All this to say, yes, I believe Pearl parents truly love their kids. But they are misled and I believe their parenting choices are ultimately more harmful, even if they seem to produce "obedient" kids in the short run.


(Edited to add. . . Wow--I was really on a roll. I thought I wanted to add just one small comment. *L* Here's more about the Pearls, fwiw._