Thread: SACH review
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Old 05-05-2008, 02:23 PM   #23
Elwing
Rose Bush
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 303
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Default Re: SACH review

I think he has a good point in that we do need to "train" our children how to obey. He continues with saying we need to allow our children to question us (after initiating obedience) so they can have dialog with us as well as allow us to see problems in what we've asked (such as our own selfishness).

Of course, we don't agree with his methodology, and we also learn as parents what grace looks like in seeing our children through their eyes, but I think this is an important concept. It caused me to realize that I'd been too lax often with my expectations. It is too easy to dish out commands/requests and then excuse my child's ignoring for tiredness, maybe they didn't hear, etc, etc. But what I'm training them is that ignoring me is ok, rather than helping them to learn what obedience looks like. I read elsewhere on this site someone's suggestion to go to the child for a directive while using the call to you for acts of tenderness or cuddling. I think this is a good general principal, combined with the former, so it would look something like this: If I want my child to do something (I have to be sure I'm correct and going to them gives me time to be sure I'm doing what I really want) I go to them and make sure I'm at their level and understood (in general, of course there may be times you need to them to hear you from a distance and listen and obey immediately - i.e. you are calling them away from a dangerous place), and then I need to follow up if they don't obey with some way of enforcing that it does happen. I think the five steps suggested elsewhere, or picking them up to take them to where they should be doing something (depending on age, etc, and always gently) are ways to enforce - so in principle you are HELPING them learn to obey and helping them to obey if they need that (instead of punishing for not yet getting it).

Am I making sense? I tend to run on with my sentences. I find that when I am consistent in this, my child responds more consistently and is happier because he can trust that I mean what I say and is not left in limbo with the constant question of how long do I REALLY have before I have to do something.

Just a few cents worth anyway...
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Married to my best friend, Samuel since 5/02
Mama to Eirik, 5/04, Sigrid, 5/06 (born at home), and Hanna, 2/09 (born at home on Valentines Day)
“Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.” Psalm 103: 13-14
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