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Old 01-15-2012, 11:14 AM   #6
rjy9343
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Location: Middle Georgia
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Default Re: Common sense and intuition

But see, that is just you. You just know things. I don't. I need to have things spelled out for me. That may be odd to you, but the idea of just knowing something or acting on a feeling is scary to me. I need facts. When I first heard of cio, it was at a shower for my sil about eight years ago. All the women said it was hard, but it was vital to fostering an independent child. And also, that not doing it lead to bad sleep habits. That made a lot of sense to me. Especially since the only people I knew that did not cio, were exactly the ap families Ezzo depicts in his books. Couple that with my mother discussing sleep training us and memories of my brothers being sleep trained and it made even more sense. Those words and warnings still ring in my head and I have to fight not to do it even though I do know better. Not because I just want to sleep, but because I do not want to make her neurotic. When Ivy commits acts of "rebellion", those words about her sin nature hit me and I have to fight not to hit her. Not because I am angry and want to lash out, but because I do not want to her to end up in jail. If I had not read about age appropriate behavior and things about child development, then I could not practice gentle discipline. Only because I have read strong arguments that refute spanking and rebellion am I able to not strike her. Only because I know that I have good information. How many times have we heard that nothing worth doing is easy? Parenting is certainly worth doing and it is far from easy. Hitting Ivy would not have been easy, but because Ivy is worth keeping safe, I would not have batted a lash at swatting her for running out in the road. Yes, hitting her to keep her safe is very convoluted at best. But, if that is what you heard your entire life and saw modeled your entire life, why would it feel wrong? Why would it look wrong? Everything you saw says this is right, do it. I don't think hitting a small baby is normal. But if you grew up with the Pearls and their ilk, then it just might be. I knew several families that did spank newborns as in they just came home from the hospital newborns to teach them not to cry at night. I was horrified when I heard about it, but those families thought they were nipping rebellion in the bud. I suspect, that they were programed the same way I was, but the punitive ick was taken to a new level. I have a lot of compassion for them. Because I know very well that but for the grace of God, I would have done some of the same. (I would not have hit a baby for waking up, but you get the idea). Just in case it is not clear, I want to say that I do not defend the hitting of babies or children. Nor do I defend CIO. Ever. I am against it in any form and have will not allow it in my home.
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Daria_Aleksandrovna (01-15-2012), gracechelle (02-10-2012), Heather Micaela (01-15-2012), Llee (01-15-2012), Tasmanian Saint (01-18-2012), Zooey (01-16-2012)