Originally Posted by arymanth
I was a spanking parent for over 10 years until I read all of the arguments for and against spanking based on these verses, and they really opened up my eyes to how distorted the popular teachings about spanking really are. The links people have shared are excellent.
I can tell you that for myself, the thing that really stands out to me is that the common interpretation of "spare the rod" does not line up with the character of God in the rest of the Bible. God does not punish us as adults for our sins, he does not make bad things happen to us or put sickness on us or inflict any kind of physical pain, even when we intentionally disobey and do things we know are sinful. God could have very easily put an end to external sin by "spanking" us that way. Just imagine if every time you sinned, God zapped you with something painful. It wouldn't take long at all for people to stop sinning... on the outside. He could have us all behaving like "good Christians" all the time... not gossiping, not lying, not cheating on a spouse. If this is the way he wanted to perfect his own children, it would be very easy to do by "applying the rod" as punishment. Being God, he could even punish us for our THOUGHTS! Thinking improper thoughts about someone you're not married to? Zap! Thinking about cheating on your taxes? Zap! Can you imagine how effective this would be? So why doesn't God do this? (and didn't, even in the OT) Because if punishments could stop sin, there would have been no need for a savior. When Paul introduced the idea that we are no longer subject to the penalty of the law, but under grace, he addressed the concern that without the threat of punishment hanging over them, people would be free to do whatever they wanted.
"For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace. What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! " Rom. 6:14-15
When I first tried to talk to my own parents about this idea of the rod verses not meaning spanking, my mom was adamant that you could not just "let them get away with sin". I asked her if children were some kind of second class Christians since grace and not having to pay for your own sins apparently did not apply to them. Were children's sins in a special class that required physical punishment, while the bigger sins of adults were not? Was our job as parents to try to present "perfected" children to God... kids who behaved the way we believed God wanted them to? Because from what I understand about God, he tells us to be more concerned with perfecting ourselves than with perfecting the behavior of others. First remove the log from your own eye, then you will be able to see clearly to remove the speck from your child's eye. If we catch a brother in sin, we are to "RESTORE HIM GENTLY, but watch yourselves, or you may also be tempted." (Gal. 6:1) Why do we restore an adult involved in an obvious, intentional sin with gentleness, but we tell our kids that they must suffer physical pain for theirs? Grace for me, the rod for you?
If a scripture goes against the character of God as described in the rest of the Bible, then you are interpreting it wrong. God does not use pain to force our obedience. He specifically says that it is our relationship that should be the motivating force behind our obedience to him. The closer we get to God, the less we will WANT to sin. Loving GOD is the cure for sin in your life, not fear of punishment. The Bible also is very clear that any "good" we do, if it is not motivated by love, is worthless to God. (1 Cor. 13) So if your child is obeying out of fear of punishment... is that obedience worth something to God or not? What is the most important command for our children to obey anyway? Jesus said it was to LOVE. "“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’" Matt. 22:37-38 How does hitting a child teach them how to love God? Love others? The Bible clearly states that LOVE is the most important thing we can teach our children, because God IS love. Hitting a child with a rod does not teach them love, it is not a loving act and it does not produce loving feelings or attitudes in the one being hit. It is nothing more than intimidation through fear. That is just not how God treats his children. One of the very first and most important things that draws us to God in the first place is the fact that "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us". He took our punishment in himself, so we would not have to bear it. How can we expect to help our children develop a real understanding of Grace if all they know is judgment and punishment? I want the way I treat my children to be a direct reflection of the way God treats me, because I want to be my child's first taste and experience of the character of God. It is my job to try to be as much like God as humanly possible, and to let my kids know what my own flaws are and how I deal with them. (by going to God for forgiveness and grace)
Sorry this got long, it is a subject I am very passionate about. Believing the popular interpretation of the "rod scriptures" almost destroyed my family, my oldest two kids are still damaged by what I did to them, but they are adults now and I can't do anything but pray for them. I wish I had known to question this teaching, but everyone I knew (parents, pastors, friends, Christian parenting authors) were teaching it so I believed. I really believe that it is this interpretation of how to discipline children in the church that is one of the reasons most kids leave the church when they grow up. Because how we TREAT our kids will be a much more powerful influence on their relationship with God than anything we ever try to TEACH them about Him.
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