i've only read up to the first response by aol
i like the op and i hope many find it useful.
but this is what i mean when i ask, if something i did is punitive: ''i am guessing at normal b/c for most of my life i've lived in a twisted, cruel, unreal world of my abusive caregivers. i have the right goals, i understand gbd. but half the stuff i do, whether it relates to my children or not, feels "off", feels wrong, feels punitive, feels wrong, feels sinful, etc. so, seeing as how i assume you nice ladies are not half as screwed up as i am, can you please look at this situation and reassure me that up is still in the direction i believe it's in"
changing paradigm, changing parenting, changing understanding of grace, starting over with God does not bring instant healing
does not even bring swift healing in my experience
it's taking time and in the meanwhile i need to know that i can rely on my sisters to tell me if i'm on the right track, although everything feels wrong.