Gentle Christian Mothers Community - View Single Post - Discussion of "Dealing With Disappointment" by Elizabeth Crary

canadiyank · 03-26-2007, 10:35 PM

Continuation of Chapter Four..

How to Teach Self-Calming Tools

"Teaching kids to deal with feelings is different from telling them what to do. Teaching involves introducing the skill, linking the skill to the feeling of calmness, practicing the skill in pretend, then reminding the child that he has a choice when he is upset. The last step involves backing out and letting the child remember that he has choices himself" (38).

Introduce the tool. This is more than just telling them what to do, s/he needs to practice it when life is calm. Of course, the action of the tools (i.e., take three calming breaths) is important, but they need the rest of the teaching to be able to use it successfully by themselves. For introducing tools you can use ones they already do, notice things they do where they feel especially peaceful (coloring, laying under a tree etc.) and introduce those as tools, or gather ideas from books, etc.
Link the tool to feeling calm. Once the child is successful with the action of the tool you can start linking it to feeling calm, "When I lay under this tree I feel so calm and peacefull. I'm going to soak up this calmness to use later when I need it." "When I take these calming breaths I feel the stress start to leave my body," etc.
Practice using the tool. Start by practicing the tool in pretend. "Remember when "x" happened and I felt so upset? I'm going to pretend that happened and I'll stay calm by using my calming breaths." After modelling the tool you can invite the child to remember a time, join in yours, make up a story and act it out, etc.
Prompt the child to use the tool. Once the child can use the tool in pretend, you can prompt him/her shen upset. It is helpful to offer a choice between two tools and also before the child has totally melted down.
Back out and let a child cope. When youre child can choose to calm him/herself when prompted, it is time to back out and let your child remember without prompting. Your prompting will decrease gradually until the child is able to remember without your help.

03-26-2007, 10:35 PM	#32
canadiyank Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Central WA Posts: 17,196	Re: Discussion of "Dealing With Disappointment" by Elizabeth Crary Continuation of Chapter Four.. How to Teach Self-Calming Tools "Teaching kids to deal with feelings is different from telling them what to do. Teaching involves introducing the skill, linking the skill to the feeling of calmness, practicing the skill in pretend, then reminding the child that he has a choice when he is upset. The last step involves backing out and letting the child remember that he has choices himself" (38). Introduce the tool. This is more than just telling them what to do, s/he needs to practice it when life is calm. Of course, the action of the tools (i.e., take three calming breaths) is important, but they need the rest of the teaching to be able to use it successfully by themselves. For introducing tools you can use ones they already do, notice things they do where they feel especially peaceful (coloring, laying under a tree etc.) and introduce those as tools, or gather ideas from books, etc. Link the tool to feeling calm. Once the child is successful with the action of the tool you can start linking it to feeling calm, "When I lay under this tree I feel so calm and peacefull. I'm going to soak up this calmness to use later when I need it." "When I take these calming breaths I feel the stress start to leave my body," etc. Practice using the tool. Start by practicing the tool in pretend. "Remember when "x" happened and I felt so upset? I'm going to pretend that happened and I'll stay calm by using my calming breaths." After modelling the tool you can invite the child to remember a time, join in yours, make up a story and act it out, etc. Prompt the child to use the tool. Once the child can use the tool in pretend, you can prompt him/her shen upset. It is helpful to offer a choice between two tools and also before the child has totally melted down. Back out and let a child cope. When youre child can choose to calm him/herself when prompted, it is time to back out and let your child remember without prompting. Your prompting will decrease gradually until the child is able to remember without your help.

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