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Old 04-11-2006, 05:36 PM   #3
katiekind
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Default Re: The Pearl children are so happy??

Also, I want to point out this out. The Pearls do/did have a lot going for them--they emphasize a lot of positives along with the yucky stuff. Nobody is 100% monster, and we need to recognize that. Quite a bit of what they express is very positive and sound. It's just that it blurs gradually over into something quite awful. Also who knows if they really used the really weird training ideas on their first few kids? Children ARE resilient, and God heals.

Also--very few people wear their flaws, foibles and private demons on their sleeve. So looking happy and successful on the outside is never the full picture. Not for anyone. We are ALL messed up in one way or another.

It's so easy to say, "well so and so did x, and her kids, a, b, c and d turned out fine". But when you get to know them better, you discover A is a perfectionist who has looking good down to an art form, but has a hard time with close relationships and trusting people and years from now, after her hysterectomy, she'll become addicted to prescription drugs. B is seeing a therapist to discuss his issues, and C...well...c's a missionary in a remote location. Going 4 years without seeing family doesn't seem to bother C, and everyone can put it down to serving the Lord, and nobody has to deal with what happened when he was a kid. D works in full-time christian ministry as a musician. He also is a high-functioning coke addict, who tries to kick the habit periodically. His girlfriend had an abortion recently.

This is not a real family, but a composite of several pain-filled circumstances I know of where to the ordinary outside eye, "they turned out great!"

The point is not always in "how they turn out" but in whether we can live with ourselves as we DO the parenting. If it goes against our conscience, it doesn't really matter how "great" they turn out. We may not do it. In Christianity the end doesn't justify the means. We have to do what is right and let God take care of "the fruit".
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