I'm sorry, Laura! These types of conversations always leave me so unsettled.
I try to stay away from using terms like "hitting." I do think spanking=hitting, but I don't always say that because it puts people on the defensive and makes them more apt to try to convince you that what they're doing isn't hitting and that it isn't wrong.
I still do not understand the "spanking lovingly" thing. Isn't it kind of an oxymoron? Lots of people believe they are doing just that, though - lovingly spanking their children.
I guess you will probably have to evaluate if this is a friendship worth pursuing.