It's definitely not an easy road to walk
My dd is very similar to what you describe. Making boundaries and sticking to them is a must - but that pretty much goes with many parenting styles anyhow. My dd tends to push back and be a line pusher, but at the same time, she wants the security of the line being held. With that being said, picking and choosing my "battles", so to speak, is really important.
Is your dd about 7? (From the dates on your siggy, that's what it looks like). During that age, we did choose to medicate for a time, because the ages of 7-9 were particularly hard to go through with her. It was really helpful, and the meds slowed her down enough to start teaching her some coping skills that stuck with her.