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Old 03-20-2005, 08:44 AM   #11
ArmsOfLove
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
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Default Re: help me with my comfort corner

Good questions all

I usually find that I don't need to specifically address the behavior--usually the child will actively reconnect, often including unsolicited apology, when they come out feeling better. Remember, it's based on the principle that people who feel good, act good Although, I might prompt certain children or on certain days with, "I think we should reconnect before we go on. That was really rough on me. Is there a way you can make amends for what happened back there?" Otherwise I try to be like the father of the prodigal son and run to them as soon as I see them coming, and hug them, and then we go on together through the day

I am working on character development all the time and I really believe what Becky Bailey says in "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline", which is that you get more of what you focus on. For this reason I try to not focus on the negative behavior. I might comment that I am enjoying them more when they come back with a good attitude, or thank them for cooperating as they do. But I focus my attention on when they are behaving well. I also would actively work on teaching to any chronic issues we're struggling. I love pulling out my KONOS books and doing a week or two of focusing on a character issue that we need some attention on. It's a backdoor approach that is less resisted by children (and adults) and as I teach how *to* behave, and fill their mind with God's thoughts and my own on a subject, it takes root and grows into better behavior.

As for the idea of rewarding poor behavior, If you aren't actively high fiving and saying "awesome" about their poor behavior then you aren't rewarding or encouraging it. I've never thanked my child for yelling or said that if they did I'd give them ice cream But if I come over and you've been having a bad day and not behaving well (maybe grousing or yelling at the kids, not doing your responsibilities around the house, etc) which would you prefer me to do:

1) "I'm disgusted at the way you've been behaving today. Your children deserve better than this. What kind of a mother do you think you are? You need to go into your room for 30 minutes (1 minute per year ) and really think about how bad you are. I will come and get you in 1/2 hour and then I will be nice to you."

or

2) "Wow, you're having a bad day. How about I watch the kids for a bit and you go get a cup of coffee and take a break Come back when you're feeling better and if you want to talk about what's going on we can do it then."
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