View Single Post
Old 01-02-2018, 03:01 PM   #11
Beth1231
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 13,949
Beth1231 has a reputation beyond reputeBeth1231 has a reputation beyond reputeBeth1231 has a reputation beyond reputeBeth1231 has a reputation beyond reputeBeth1231 has a reputation beyond reputeBeth1231 has a reputation beyond reputeBeth1231 has a reputation beyond reputeBeth1231 has a reputation beyond reputeBeth1231 has a reputation beyond reputeBeth1231 has a reputation beyond reputeBeth1231 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: siblings arguing

I’m very intentional about “I see/I hear”statements to my kids.
I see you sharing even when it’s hard. (Sometimes followed by a thank you or affectionate gesture).
I see one sword and two boys. How can we solve this problem? Or even,I see two boys hurting each other. (They take stock of what is happening and change things).
I hear you saying please when you’re tired and it’s hard.
I hear you saying you’re frustrated and need a break. Let’s look at our options together.

I totally agree that it’s time to talk to your oldest about why your aren’t going to make your 7 yr old feel bad to learn a lesson. I have had this talk with my oldest many times. Public school had made it all more tricky because schools usually have both punitive and positive discipline systems for classroom management.
I logically work things through with my 10 yr old. You hit him,he cried. Then what happens? Does he trust you? Resent you? What do you think will happen the next time you wrong him and need his forgiveness? We talk about grace and forgiveness and natural consequences A LOT. They are probably really sick of it
The times that I use punitive measures,I work out why that was a poor choice aloud with my kids and how it breaks down trust and relationship and what I’ll do better next time. I try to fail aloud as much as possible because it really seems to help. As a side benefit,failing aloud makes it harder for shame to breed.
__________________
Beth
Wife to Hubby 13 yrs
A (11 yrs) C (7 yrs) N (5 yrs)
Beth1231 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Beth1231 For This Useful Post:
Aerynne (01-02-2018), everybody's mother (01-05-2018), homesteadmama (01-03-2018), mommychem (01-04-2018), OnAMission (01-02-2018), Quiteria (01-02-2018)