Re-reading this thread tonight.
for the insight, questions and reminders. I am off to make posters for my kitchen cupboards of the questions listed in the OP. One will contain a change I wanted to share. "Will my response teach them an APPROPRIATE pattern for how to act in the future?" Any response will teach a pattern, an appropriate one is harder and more important.
Things have been rough here lately. Answering the questions Crystal posted is on my prayer list for the next several days. Who do I want to be? What are my goals?