[Petie]

The first thing I do is ensure that I'm not projecting MY feelings onto the "wronged" child. Often times, when the bigger child snatches from the younger child "I" feel wronged, but the child doesn't care.

Then, if it's a rule for one, it's a rule for all. Yes, even baby toys were fair game if they were in the common area.

Birthday toys are special for a limited period of time, that being, only until the birthday child offers it to another child.

Once I'm sure that I'm in the right state of mind, then discipline can happen.

We don't make our children share toys, but we do make sure that if child A is unwilling to share, then child B knows that they can be unwilling later. Basically, I don't want to be forced to share my stuff, so I don't force them to share theirs.

If a child is currently playing with a toy and another came up to snatch it (mine have outgrown this now) then it was just the consistent, "do not snatch toys, give it back and ask nicely".

Once both children are to an age where they are both participating in the dispute, if a dispute erupts over a toy, the toy is removed. "People are more important than things" is all I ever said. Then the toy is put up until both parties moved on.

That's it.

By the way, your dh is correct, this is normal for siblings, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable.