View Single Post
Old 10-22-2018, 01:16 PM   #17
gerberadaisy
Rose Trellis
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,313
gerberadaisy has a reputation beyond reputegerberadaisy has a reputation beyond reputegerberadaisy has a reputation beyond reputegerberadaisy has a reputation beyond reputegerberadaisy has a reputation beyond reputegerberadaisy has a reputation beyond reputegerberadaisy has a reputation beyond reputegerberadaisy has a reputation beyond reputegerberadaisy has a reputation beyond reputegerberadaisy has a reputation beyond reputegerberadaisy has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: refusing to do chores

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aerynne View Post
I don't feed my kids if they're not showing some initiative. So if the next thing is lunch or a snack, they have to be making progress to get fed. If they have a super long list and it is time to eat, I will require something small be done before they will eat. The younger the kid and the more hungry they are, the smaller this chore will be, but I do require progress for them to get fed. The Bible says if you don't work you don't eat, and I tell my kids this.

Another thing I do is that all breaks are taken with a timer. And I will ask them how long they want for a break (though if they say 3 hours that's not an option). So they might do a chore, get 15 minutes to read (but only if they or I set the timer), then do another chore, etc.

As for them not getting it done and then it is bed time, I'll have to think on that. Usually between no progress= no food and them only getting timed breaks, they have their stuff done by bedtime. If they worked pretty hard and got most of it done I don't do consequences for not having it done by bedtime, but for a kid who was just goofing off all day that would definitely require a consequence. We do have a penalty jar of chores and they draw one out for certain failures to work, so I might do that. But for a kid who really isn't getting anything done, a penalty chore wouldn't help- then they just wouldn't do that, either.

I assume you are breaking chores into reasonable chunks, right? (I have kids who can just fold a week's worth of laundry but I have had kids who have to be given the shirts, then the pants, etc).
his "chores" include getting dressed, brushing teeth, & putting his dishes & trash where they belong, putting shoes away, putting dirty clothes in bin & clean clothes in drawers. Then he has to clean up his toys, put chairs away because he usually has them all over the house (I encourage him to do this as he's done with them but it doesn't always work that way). He also has one bigger chore he works with me on 6 days a week - usually he is dusting baseboards, heating registers, & window sills; picking up stuff that wasn't included in his usual chores, and pushing furniture out of the way so I can vaccuum/sweep/mop. I did have set table & sweep kitchen after dinner but we've pretty much dropped those. IF he keeps up with these things, they aren't really that big of a deal & would take him way less than half an hour.

---------- Post added at 04:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:10 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
Don't be afraid to let him experience the consequences. I may be reading more into your post but, from the sound of it, it seems like your question is, "how can I get him to pick up his toys so he won't miss the party and won't lose his toys?" The answer may be that that's exactly what needs to happen.

If you've set him up for success and you're certain you're not asking more than he can manage, then yes, he misses the party. Yes, his toys go in to a donation bag and get dropped off. That's okay. If he doesn't care, then he has too many toys (most kids do, including mine).

I do let friends be disappointed if that's what needs to happen. We've been on the other end of that and I am understanding. "We can't meet you today after all, my kids won't do their chores so we have to stay home until they're done and we've past the point where we can leave and still make it."
He did miss an outing yesterday (Sunday) because he just wasn't cooperative. I'm OK with him missing an activity if we haven't shelled out an arm & a leg for it. Not my best parenting moment but I did tell him if he didn't straighten up I was asking if I could borrow one of his friends for Disney while he stays with their mom & dad. Obviously I'm not going to do that, but honestly, I FEEL like doing that.

Up to now, we've always given multiple chances, but I'm thinking he needs to have fewer chances because he doesn't believe there will be consequences.
gerberadaisy is offline   Reply With Quote
 
X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
  • Page Generation 0.07290 seconds
  • Memory Usage 6,976KB
  • Queries Executed 14 (?)
More Information
Template Usage:
  • (1)SHOWTHREAD_SHOWPOST
  • (1)ad_footer_end
  • (1)ad_footer_start
  • (1)ad_header_end
  • (1)ad_header_logo
  • (1)ad_navbar_below
  • (2)bbcode_quote
  • (1)cyb_flashimagebanners
  • (1)footer
  • (1)gobutton
  • (1)header
  • (1)headinclude
  • (19)option
  • (1)post_groan_box
  • (1)post_groan_javascript
  • (1)post_groan_navbar_search
  • (1)post_thanks_box
  • (1)post_thanks_javascript
  • (1)post_thanks_navbar_search
  • (1)postbit_legacy
  • (1)postbit_onlinestatus
  • (11)postbit_reputation
  • (1)postbit_wrapper
  • (1)spacer_close
  • (1)spacer_open 

Phrase Groups Available:
  • global
  • postbit
  • reputationlevel
  • showthread
Included Files:
  • ./showpost.php
  • ./global.php
  • ./includes/init.php
  • ./includes/class_core.php
  • ./includes/config.php
  • ./includes/functions.php
  • ./includes/class_hook.php
  • ./includes/functions_notice.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php
  • ./includes/functions_bigthree.php
  • ./includes/class_postbit.php
  • ./includes/class_bbcode.php
  • ./includes/functions_reputation.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_groan.php
  • ./includes/functions_misc.php 

Hooks Called:
  • init_startup
  • cache_permissions
  • fetch_postinfo_query
  • fetch_postinfo
  • fetch_threadinfo_query
  • fetch_threadinfo
  • fetch_foruminfo
  • style_fetch
  • cache_templates
  • global_start
  • parse_templates
  • fetch_musername
  • notices_check_start
  • global_setup_complete
  • showpost_start
  • bbcode_fetch_tags
  • bbcode_create
  • postbit_factory
  • showpost_post
  • postbit_display_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_start
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_end
  • reputation_image
  • postbit_imicons
  • bbcode_parse_start
  • bbcode_parse_complete_precache
  • bbcode_parse_complete
  • postbit_display_complete
  • error_fetch
  • showpost_complete