Thread: SACH review
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Old 03-14-2008, 06:07 AM   #6
MarynMunchkins
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Default Re: SACH review

"You're in Charge"

Chapter 4 is essentially about parents being in a position of authority. There were quite a few things in this chapter that I was really happy to hear. On pg. 27, he says "The culture in which we live does not have a biblical understanding of authority. We think of authority as derived either from overwhelming force of consent. Therefore, the only way we can respond is either with rebellion or servility. Our culture has no notion of intelligent, thinking persons willingly placing themselves under authority." I think that this phrase "intelligent, thinking persons willing placing themselves under authority" is perhaps the best definition of true obedience that I've ever heard. True obedience is not simply doing what a person is told to do - it is doing it with a servant's heart out of love for the authority.

It is this simple definition that brings me to the next issue I have with this book. While Mr. Tripp apparently understands obedience in its purest form, he contradicts himself by saying our God-given authority gives us the right to demand that our children obey God's law. He says, "Anger that your child is not doing what you want frames discipline as a problem between parent and child, not as a problem between the child and God. It is God who is not being obeyed when you are disobeyed. It is God who is not being honored when you are not honored. The issue is not an interpersonal contest; it is rather your insistence that your child obey God, because obeying God is good and right."



First of all, even God does not insist that His children obey Him. He gave us all free will, and ability to choose to disobey. Look at Jonah - he clearly disobeyed God, and yet God was gracious and forgiving over and over again. Jonah was the authority on God when he was in Ninevah. Look what Jonah said when he was pitching his fit over the people of Ninevah being saved:

"O LORD, is this not what I said when I was still at home? That is why I was so quick to flee to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity."

You see, Jonah knew of God's grace and forgiveness, and he wanted Ninevah to be punished for their sin. What was God's response to Jonah? After all, it was God who had been sinned against, not Jonah. "But the LORD replied, "Have you any right to be angry?"

See what David said about God and his anger: " their hearts were not loyal to him,
they were not faithful to his covenant.

Yet He was merciful;
He forgave their iniquities
and did not destroy them.
Time after time He restrained His anger
and did not stir up His full wrath.

He remembered that they were but flesh,
a passing breeze that does not return."

It is not our job as parents to take up offense for God. God sees sin, and has already dealt with it. Our job as parents is to teach our children right, to protect them when we can, to help them deal with consequences of their sins when we can, and to always point our children to the cross of Christ.

Mr. Tripp speaks of repeated conversations in which he told his children that it was not his decision to spank, but God's command. He says, "There is tremendous freedom here for a parent. When you direct, correct, or discipline [read "spank", because that's the context of this quote], you are not acting out of your own will; you are acting on behalf of God."

"For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[a] and again, "The Lord will judge his people."


I'm pretty sure God can handle punishment for sin (or atonement, since that's the real plan) by himself.

Now, all that being said, I think we've debunked his next point in the chapter. "The righteous life that God desires is never the product of uncontrolled anger. Unholy human anger may teach your children to fear you. They may even behave better, but it will not bring about biblical righteousness. Any change in behavior that is produced by such anger is not going to move your children toward God. It moves them away from God...Correction is not displaying your anger at their offenses; it is rather reminding them that their sinful behavior offends God." (pg. 34)

Apparently, children can't understand this without being hit. Seriously, folks - let's stop looking at it as a matter of "holy" and "unholy" anger. If you're angry and can't discipline your child kindly and firmly - don't. It's that simple, and takes a lot of confusion and guilt out of the equation. If you're constantly angry, seek out a therapist and learn why.

Now, I do want to clarify what it is that I actually believe about authority and discipline. I'm even going to use some quotes from the book, because there are gems in there. God has given us authority over our children - He has placed us over them in order that we made teach and guide them. It's not something that can be taken away by questioning or threatening. My child screaming "You're not in charge of me" doesn't alter the reality that I AM in charge of them. I don't need to discipline or correct that statement until they admit that I'm the authority. I am, and that's the end of that story. My actions - helping you follow my directions, insisting that you be respectful, etc - prove that I'm the authority, and I don't need to spank in order to get that message to them.

Mr. Tripp has some profound Biblical insight to discipline in the last part of this chapter. "Hebrews 12 makes it clear that discipline is not punitive, but corrective. Hebrews 12 calls discipline a word of encouragement that addresses sons. It says discipline is a sign of God's identification with us as our Father. God disciplines us for our good so that we might share in His holiness. It says that while discipline is not pleasant, but painful, it yields a harvest of righteousness and peace. Rather than being something to balance love, it is the deepest expression of love."

He also says, "Discipline as positive instruction rather than negative punishment does not rule out consequences or outcomes of behavior. Consequences and outcomes are certainly part of the process God uses to chasten his people." I'd say consequences are the process God uses to teach his children - punishment only applies to those who aren't his children. However, that's a conversation for another time.

Overall, I agree with his assessment of authority and discipline in the home. However, I think we need to be wary of his opinion that we are to take offense for God and punish our children because of their sin. We are not the Holy Spirit in the lives of our children, and it is not our job to convict them of sin. I think we need to keep in mind Tedd Tripp's earlier definition of authority - "being true servants - authorities who lay down your lives."
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