[illinoismommy]

Originally Posted by butterflymommy

I shared w/ my dh how wonderful it was not to "see" fear in my son's eyes. Sometimes, when I reach for him, he instantly flinched, thinking I will hit him. I am NOT a mean mommy, but apparently my spanking has the same affects on him as it does a whipped dog. I was being mean!!!! . This afternoon, I let my son CRY! He was sad that the Winnie the Pooh show was over. Normally, if I hear him crying, I immediately get angry, and judge him. I was programmed to believe that his crying/whining is all bad. I went to him, and just listened to his sadness. I held him and said that I would be sad if my favorite show was over, too. I hugged him and he sniffed-whimpered, then began to play with his cars. WOW!

Hi!! It really is a big shift, from viewing your children as the adversary as viewing them as on your team. They want to be loved and embraced, and I know about the fear in eyes!!! My mom spanked me, and I *still* flinch if I am around an angry person or during a heated arguement. It does lasting damage. 6 years is not too late, I am so glad you are here

I have been reading "Successful Parenting" by Dr. Sears and his wife..... I think that it would bless you. I got it at the library. I enjoyed that it gave ways to connect and ways to teach things that isn't just instilling the fear so that they obey.

Maybe at first the Pearls way seems better because it may indeed produce a quicker outcome of quiet compliant children, but that's not the real goal in parenting, right? We want to produce healthy children who can make the right choices because they are the right choices and not because they fear punishment. I remind myself of that when I am around someone who starts boasting about their parenting in terms of how "compliant" their child is.... in 20 years you will be so glad that you switched to a new way.