[ThreeKids]

Striving4Grace - I'm so glad you are here and bringing your perspective to the discussion.

I can very much see how those who trust Tripp would still see the Pearl's teachings as abusive. I know Dobson (a punitive parenting guru) says that parents who have been abused or feel themselves likely to abuse shouldn't consider spanking, but spanking is still encouraged generally by his teachings. Could it be that someone specifically said you should not spank because your thinking patterns were influenced by the Pearl's, but that they are considering your circumstances specifically as an exception?

Another thing to be careful about, even when all other advice is good, is when the concept of defiance is presented as something to be especially feared. That has a way of coloring interactions because the definition of defiance can broaden over time. That's Dobson's main downfall, IMO, that he would present spanking as a response to defiance as only necessary occasionally, but that the concept will end up influencing interactions much more often in practice. I hope someone can read IACH and figure out if it's built on that paradigm or not - that's a key characteristic that delineates parenting philosophies, IMO.

Oh, yeah, and don't put a Ten Commandments level of law to your desire to choose reasonable and logical consequences. There's some room for error as long as your intentions are good. Grace is for mamas, too.