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Old 05-09-2012, 07:58 AM   #4
richesabove
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Default Re: How to give our children a chance of having a healthy self-esteem?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsha View Post
A parenting person that I read says that self esteem comes from doing. We can't compliment our children into it and trying to give them self esteem so they'll behave better is backwards. They gain self esteem by doing better. So keeping the standards high, and showing them that they CAN do it helps. That being said, I think there are personalityt ypes that are more prone to low self esteem The introverted Ns mostly because they are so introspective.
I agree with this basically.

I came from a home where the standard was very high, in every way. There wasn't a SHRED of praise given that wasn't deserved, believe you me. There was lots of criticism, in fact. We kids certainly weren't judged by anything that we inherently WERE apart from what we DID. IOW, I think I experienced the above, ON CRACK.

I would say that all seven of us kids are over-achievers, sucessfull, yet not able to feel right about ourselves.

Thus the reason I'm trying to think this through.

Of course, my parents had a rough marriage, and I think both of them had emotional problems...so that plays in.

---------- Post added at 02:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:52 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by TradCathMamma View Post
I think well-intentioned parents can inadvertantly sabotage healthy self-esteem by overpraising and sheltering their children.

I think self esteem follows being able to create and imagine which leads to problem solving and feeling empowered in life. Also, I believe they need to experience the frustrations and disappointments in life knowing they have a parent to support and guide them when they need it.
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ITA with this as well. We certainly weren't sabotaged with too much praise, and I don't really know if we were over-sheltered. I don't think we were.

I do not think we were given as much lee-way as we needed to be creative and imagine....I do think in many ways we were hampered from making small choices and decisions that would have created more feeling of empowerment in our own lives. Case in point- small matter, but my mother was controlling in the kitchen. She cooked everything, did everything, it had to be a certain way. As a result I had to learn how to bake a potatoe after marriage because I didn't know the first form thing about cooking anything after I got off on my own. We did plenty of chores, but never anything that involved a shred of independence.
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