Okay Girls, I have done what I said I would do. I have written to Mandy Locke and voiced my concern over the Pearls, Ezzos, etc. My letter is below. Please join me. The more that write, the less easy it will be for this topic to be swept under the rug and forgotten.
This is something that we never want forgotten.
Please write! Please help! There is so much more that needs to be said, and it must come from more than one person.
Dear Mandy,
I was so disturbed when I read your article concerning little Sean Paddock. My heart just broke and I felt that I must write you. I was raised in a home where corporal punishment was given and my dear children were raised in the same way. How I wish with all my heart and soul that they had been not! I am a grandma now and what I have learned and seen when I have been with my daughter over the course of my little grandson's 20-1/2 months of life is that there is a better way to discipline. That a person doesn't have to hit or switch or spank in order that they be obeyed. For the last 5 months, I have read and learned and listened to counsel about gentle disciplining. I have talked with other mothers and have learned many, many things, but I still have much more to learn.
Please do not think that all evangelical Christians believe the material the Pearls put out. We do not! Many Christians have been led astray by teachings put out the Pearls and by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo and others. Just because there is a Dr. or Rev. or some other title in front of or after the person's name, many people will believe anything that is written just because that person is a Dr. or Rev. , etc.
Gentle Discipline goes far beyond the "no spanking" rule. It includes helping the child recognize his feelings and actions, to know which actions are apprioate and which are not, we acknowledge that the child is having a hard time dealing with his feelings and we help the child through those feelings. We give the parents and child tools they can work with in order that child learn how to control those feelings. Gentle Discipline is just that. It is gentle, yet in the gentleness, there is discipline. That child is our disciple who learns from us as we teach them.
In the world we live in today, if I disagree with someone or if my employee doesn't do exactly what I want, what do I do? Do I go up to them and yell and scream at them and then hit them? Never, or else I would end up in court. Yet, the western world thinks nothing of yelling and screaming and hitting a child. Why? Why do we demand instant obedience from a child when we cannot do it ourselves? Hasn't it been proved over and over that abused children are more likely to abuse others as they grow older? When does this all stop? Jesus never ever hit his disciples when they were wrong. Jesus taught them the same message over and over, again and again and still the disciples didn't understand what Jesus was trying to tell them. But Jesus did not hit them for not understanding His message. It wasn't until Pentecost that they realized the fullness of His truth.
Jesus held children in high honor. He said that we (adults) were to become like them in our humility, our faith and our trust of and in God (Matthew 11:25; 18:1-6; Mark 9:37; Luke 10:21) and He blessed the little children and asked that they be brought to him (Matthew 19:14; Mark 10:16; Luke 18:16) and He also gave a warning to those who makes a little child sin (Matthew 18: 6).
How then are we to treat children? There are two passages in the Bible that, I believe, says it all:
I Corinthians 13:4-8a "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, alway hopes, always perserves. LOVE NEVER FAILS." Looking at this verse, can we truly say that we love our children?
The other verse is found in Galatians 5:22-23a "But the fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control." Can we say that we act this way toward our children? We try to act this way toward other adults, but why not children? And if we cannot demonstrate these actions to our children, why do we demand for them to instantly display these very same qualities the exact moment that we demand them to? We say to our dear children, "Do not hit your brother!" and then we precede to hit them for hitting. The "Do as I say, not as I do" mentality must be realized and stopped. And the only way to do this is to confront the false teachings of the Pearls and the Ezzos with what the scriptures truly say about the rod and our children. There is another person I would rather have write you about the rod scripture. She knows Hebrew and is a Messanic Christian and also author.
Please feel free to contact me and I will be glad to answer any questions you may have or put you in touch with others who can answer your questions. As I have said, I am still fairly new to Gentle Discipline and am still learning, and there are many mothers at gentlechristianmothers.com that will be able to help you.
In God's peace,
Bobbie Cook
Nyssa, Oregon
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