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Old 11-18-2009, 07:36 PM   #6
PurpleButterfly
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Default Re: The book: Helpful hints for child training

Quote:
Originally Posted by ECingMama View Post
"Even in the late 1800's, Trumbull did not resort to spanking until all other efforts had failed."

I actually find it refreshing that spanking used to be a last resort (as opposed to a first (or at least frequent) resort like Tripp, Ezzo, Pearl, etc. suggest). I say "refreshing" because people like to say, "back in the old days, parents used to spank "all the time" when, in reality, that is simply not true. (I've read several lovely books written in the 50's where it's clear that a spanking was a RARE event.)

Let us know what your hubby thinks.
Here's the thing, though...while initially it might seem a positive thing that he doesn't "resort to spanking until the last option", that in itself makes the book dangerous. Maybe even more dangerous, because he condones spanking while at the same time conveying a false positive parenting front.

There is NO parent-child relationship that will NOT suffer when the parent hits the child. Under any circumstances, there is no "last resort" that could ever make hitting your child acceptable.

This man has a chapter specifically devoted to not hitting your child in anger. That means that the parent has calculated, planned and executed hitting their child with thoughtful deliberation. That's pretty sickening. Do you really want to accept any other advice a person capable of that has to give, especially when it comes to your child?

Have you ever heard of that story about the father who wouldn't allow his teenagers to see an "R" rated movie? They whined and begged and sulked about it. Complained that there was only a little of the bad stuff, the rest of the movie was reportedly wonderful!

After dinner one night, the kids sat around eating homemade brownies. The father sat down to chat with them, and asked them how the brownies were. They munched and gave a thumbs-up. Then the father casually said, "Well that's great! I figured you wouldn't taste the dog poop that the batter fell into". You can imagine the kids' reaction! Naturally, the ditched their brownies immediately.

"It was just a little dog poop," said the father. "How could that small bit ruin the whole batch?" The kids began to tell their father how even a drop of poop was unacceptable in their food. He then said, "So now do you see how even a small amount of the wrong things in an R-rated movie can "contaminate" the rest?

That's how books like this are...contaminated with bad advice, without the gentle wisdom and maturity to resolve issues without resorting to hitting their own child, tainted regardless of whatever good might be mixed in.

We have so many truly wonderful parenting resources available to us, Crystal Lutton's works and Bill Sears' works just to name a few. These are seasoned parents, experts in their field both personally and professionally. There is no danger of relationship-damaging advice or thought contamination in their works, but books like this only lead to more and more contamination eventually becoming an acceptable norm.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts on this.
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