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forty-two · 12-18-2013, 10:31 PM

If you aren't that great at holding the floor, maybe it would help to find a way of dealing with your ds's debating that doesn't require you to hold the floor

.

One way that comes to mind is if you said your one or two sentences, and then let him have a one-sided debate, with you listening but not responding beyond standard "I'm listening" noises and body language, let him have his say for either as long as he wants or for a specified time (maybe set a timer), and at the end of it give a brief recap of his points, say you will consider it and give him an answer later (perhaps at a defined time, like the next morning), and then do just that. Consider his ideas on your own, at leisure, and then tell him what you decide in just a few sentences.

And if he wants to debate, you can repeat the above process till either he gets tired or you decide to put a stop to it, declaring this decision closed.

In any case, you can let him have his say without engaging him in debate, if you don't want to - if you do better listening and thinking before saying a little, then go right ahead and do just that

. Just because he wants an answer Right Now doesn't mean you have to figure one out right now, if that doesn't suit you - it's perfectly valid to listen and tell him you will think about it and decide later

.

Any of that help?

12-18-2013, 10:31 PM	#4
forty-two Rose Garden The Gospel is for Christians, too :). Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,911	Re: how do you change a default expectation? If you aren't that great at holding the floor, maybe it would help to find a way of dealing with your ds's debating that doesn't require you to hold the floor . One way that comes to mind is if you said your one or two sentences, and then let him have a one-sided debate, with you listening but not responding beyond standard "I'm listening" noises and body language, let him have his say for either as long as he wants or for a specified time (maybe set a timer), and at the end of it give a brief recap of his points, say you will consider it and give him an answer later (perhaps at a defined time, like the next morning), and then do just that. Consider his ideas on your own, at leisure, and then tell him what you decide in just a few sentences. And if he wants to debate, you can repeat the above process till either he gets tired or you decide to put a stop to it, declaring this decision closed. In any case, you can let him have his say without engaging him in debate, if you don't want to - if you do better listening and thinking before saying a little, then go right ahead and do just that . Just because he wants an answer Right Now doesn't mean you have to figure one out right now, if that doesn't suit you - it's perfectly valid to listen and tell him you will think about it and decide later . Any of that help? __________________ ~ forty-two ~ Possessor of The Answer to Everything and Solver of (Somebody Else's) Problems INTJ: introverted iNtuition with extraverted Thinking DYT 4/2: connecting intellectually and emotionally Enneagram 5w4: a need to perceive and to feel special Wife to my pastor dh (INTP) since 2003 Mother to: dd13, 'R' dd10.5, 'A' ds8, 'J' and two in heaven: miscarried 10/29/04 and 01/01/05 Blog: Lutherama What we want is just one* thing, not the thing.*

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