[cornflower]

We're so glad to have you here! I'm going to sound like I'm tooting our horn here , but I think you'll find that this is a very gentle, grace-filled community. IME, message boards that promote spankings and adversarial parent/child relationships are very harsh, painful places to be if you don't embrace *everything* everyone else does. You'll get flamed for asking honest questions, and your salvation will be questioned by others. In short, they're very legalistic. We try really hard (and I think succeed 99% of the time) to extend grace to each other on this board, which is why it's so hard for so many of us to limit our time here.

I, too, had doubts about GBD just being permissiveness wrapped up in a pseudo-biblical package. (Please forgive me, everyone! I don't know if I've confessed that before.) At first I came to GCM just b/c I could be AP and a Christian (crazy combo in my community), I sort of avoided the discipline forums for awhile b/c I didn't get how GBD could be firm. God has shown me though, that I can have *very* high standards for my children without using painful methods. GBD does take time, but I'm seeing that my second child (who has been more GBD'd than my first was) has earlier recognized that "resistance is futile." My almost-3yo will still not *want* to obey me, but we've done enough "okay, mommy will have to help you do X" that she knows (usually) that she might as well go on and comply. Another difference is that when she *doesn't* comply, it doesn't make me as angry as it used to... b/c I know that I *can* and *will* make her do whatever it is she's been told to do.

Well, now that I've written a novel and not answered your question...

First, I'd recommend exploring the two websites that jadensmom gave you. They are great resources. Second, I'd recommend perusing the topics in the Discipline forum. Next, maybe you would enjoy prayerfully studying the *idea* of first-time-everytime-with-a-happy-heart obedience... see if this is a notion the bible espouses. Was Moses FTEWAHH with God? Was Abraham FTEWAHH with God? How about Job or Jonah? Just look at the idea and explore its roots.

I think you'll find that most of us require our children to comply with our commands (sometimes they will *choose* to obey, but I can't *make* them obey, I can only make them comply since obedience is a heart issue), but we don't require that they be happy doing so. And, we also know that achieving compliance may require us to be persistent with our insistence.