Thread: SACH review
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Old 03-14-2008, 06:14 AM   #9
MarynMunchkins
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Default Re: SACH review

"Discarding UnBiblical Methods"

This chapter summarizes several different methods parents use in order to try to accomplish their parenting goals.

1) I didn't turn out so bad

First of all, it's badly. Grammar, people!

I've actually already written about this concept long before I read the book. So instead of doing it again, I'll simply link to my previous opinion, which still stands. http://hermanalinda.witnesstoday.org/Instincts.htm

2) Pop Psychology

Mr. Tripp sums up psychology in this section in one simple sentence. "Use your power as an adult to make bribes that encourage the behavior you desire." (pg. 60) Once again, psychology gets dealt a raw hand. This is NOT psychology. Psychology is the study of human behavior, and is hugely beneficial to millions. This is sheer bribery. Can we please call it what is and stop bad-mouthing dedicated professionals who have devoted their lives to people who need it?

On a related note, can anyone tell me why Christian so often diss psychology in general, but seem to revere James Dobson? You know what his doctorate is in, right people? PSYCHOLOGY!!

3) Behavior Modification

There's loads of wisdom in this section. I wish Lisa Whelchel would read it. "Since the heart and behavior are so closely linked, whatever modifies behavior inevitably trains the heart. The heart is trained to greedy self-interest and obtainingrewards." (pg. 61) He continues, "The system effectively moved this family away from biblical action springing from biblical motives." (pg. 62)

Yet he reminds us that our behavior does often produce rewards. "There is a temporal blessing attached to obedience. The God who knows our hearts calls us to right behavior for the purpose of honoring Him." (pg. 62) Those are logical consequences, folks - when you do right, good things happen. (At least most of the time - we all know this world isn't perfect.)

4) Emotionalism

Guilt trips. Did anyone ever get put on a guilt trip by their parent? Dh has a great example of his mom asking him, as he was standing outside smoking at a cousin's wedding, "What will people think of me as a mother if they see you smoking?"

Another example is shaming and withholding love. I remember a few times when my mom and I had a fight, I would tell her good night and say "I love you". It was a routine between the two of us at night. And she would look back at me, obviously still angry, and say "Good night". I still remember wondering if my mom was so mad that she couldn't even say "I love you" over her anger.

I'll be frank (I know...you're shocked that I might be blunt for a change :P ) and say that emotionalism can often become emotional abuse. We need to be careful not to treat anyone this way - especially the fragile egos of our children. Trust me - it hurts.

5) Punitive Correction

I know, my GBD friends are laughing at the irony of Tedd Tripp pointing out that punitive correction is wrong. Of course, he quickly clarifies, "I am not decrying the biblical use of the rod, but rather an impulsive response of angry frustration." (pg. 64) Obviously, because punishment is only wrong if one is angry - otherwise it is perfectly acceptable.

He seems to equate punitive techniques mostly with grounding. I agree that grounding is punitive, but the fact of the matter is that ALL punishment is punitive. Notice the similarities in the words? The root word in the Greek is "poine". In Latin, it is "poena". It means "revenge".

I'll let that sink in for a moment.

"Perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

6) Erratic Eclecticism

Basically, this is mom and dad doing whatever they think will work at the time. And like all parenting gurus will tell you, consistency is key.

One more quote from this chapter that I agree with. "...another devastating effect of this approach to discipline [is] Children soon see through the implicit and explicit manipulation. They eventually come to resent the crass attempts to control their behavior. They learn to play the cat-and-mouse game with you, but the depth of relationship and communication is lost." (pg. 68)

I'd only like to add to that children are able to see through our attempts to control their hearts as well. We have to lead by example and teach pro-actively. We cannot manipulate or coerce anyone into loving and serving God. Leadership through servitude is true discipline, and it is the only thing that will be effective in pointing our children towards Christ.

Last edited by MarynMunchkins; 10-19-2010 at 04:56 AM.
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