[Soliloquy]

I never actually used Ezzo/Dobson methods on my own child, but we did use them at the daycare where I worked in college. I read Ferber's book and several Dobson books and I'm embarrassed to say they made sense to me . I'd fallen in the "I was spanked and I turned out fine" mentality. I didn't want to deal with / accept the fact that I wasn't fine.

When I was pregnant, I re-read Ferber's book and vowed to use it to help our baby learn independence. If I'd come across an Ezzo book, I probably would've liked that too. I'd heard of the Sears and the family bed, and I thought only people with co-dependence issues would do that. But, I was fascinated with natural birth and, therefore, checked out The Birth Book by the Sears. I loved it and decided I'd judged them unfairly. I checked out the Baby Book and loved everything in it except the co-sleeping. I still planned to follow Ferber.

When DD was born, I took one look at her and my whole world changed. I knew I could never let her cry. I knew I could never put her in a room, shut the door, and go down the hall to sleep. Since then, it's been painful to re-examine my childhood and many of my negative traits/habits that resulted from the way I was parented. Sorting through all of this is worth it because it will prevent me from unloading my baggage onto my daughter.

I'm so thankful that God opened my eyes. I shudder to think what I would've done to my precious baby (who's HN in regards to sleeping and eating) if I hadn't know it was OK to sleep with her and nurse her on demand.